It’s Not About Lance, It’s About You.

$20 OBO

It looks like a good day to stay off the internet, said pro rider Adam Myerson on Facebook.  I don’t blame him.  Facebook lit up with the language of Lance this morning.  I was aghast at some comments.  However, having a communications background, I’m a good listener with a very long fuse.  So far, two co-workers kiddingly popped in my office to make sure I was doing okay.  Cute.  I genuinely laughed out loud at a friend’s post that read something on the order of, “I think I overheard someone say Lance is now stripping.”  Chapeau!  A nice twist on words.  I rolled my eyes at another post showcasing an autographed yellow jersey and the caption, “$20 OBO.”  Laughter is the best medicine.  Thank goodness it’s not a banned substance because today we need all we can get.

All kidding aside, I told my coworkers I feel a bit empty.  The emptiness comes from knowing the outcome before it’s happened.  As cycling fans, we know where this road leads.  Under a thick cover of trees it’s dark and foreboding.  However, even with the front end sliding out on gravel in a corner, you keep your hands on the bars hoping the rubber grips ground for a miraculous save.  Right now, your knee is instinctively augering outboard.  We know it’s a matter of road rash or a broken collarbone.  Lance chose road rash. 

It’s still going to hurt.  It’s hard to watch.  We’re still peeking between our fingers.

Some of My Other Cycling Heroes

In bike racing there are things you can control and those you cannot.  We learn, we strive to perfect what’s in our control and quash what we can’t.  We lube chains the night before the race and never, ever, under any circumstances do we make mechanical changes before a race without riding the bike.  We kick ourselves when hindsight shows we could have prevented a mishap.  We throw up our hands and say “that’s bike racing” when riders two rows in front of you fall and take you out with them.  For better or worse, today’s news is bike racing.

We can’t control what comes next.  So, like Lance, I’m throwing up my hands and saying I’m done with this nonsense.  I’ve had it with this BS of stripping titles, taking back medals and negating record books.  I too am disgusted with the after-the-fact reshuffling of the deck.  Lance is right.  It is absurd.  Either someone wins at that moment on that day, or they don’t.  The guy standing atop the podium after the final day of the Tour De France should be the winner, cut and dry.  Riders want to win when they cross the finish line on the bike, not 10 years later on the phone.  Lance contends he knows who won those tours.  In a perfect world, he’d be right.  

"Ce qui est fait est fait."  What's done is done.

You can curse the USADA’s and UCI’s procedures.  You can say Lance passed all the tests, gave them everything they asked, played by the rules and is clean, by definition.  That’s all that matters right?  Or, you can look for the crack in the pavement and insist that somehow he was able to beat the system, but is a doper.  One thing is certain, if we keep this up, we’ll be saying that for the rest of our lives. 

I don’t want to live that way.  I’m not going to continue to beat a dead horse.  I think its obvious UCI, USA Cycling, USADA, and WADA need to change.  So do riders and promoters.  They need to make sure the guy they hand the trophy to is the winner.  I can’t do that.  I’m not part of cycling’s governing body.  I’m a guy on my couch with a remote control in one hand and a beer in the other.

Sometimes Being A Fan Isn't Easy

I love banging the couch cushions and hiding my eyes between my fingers.  I love watching riders make miraculous cyclocross saves through the grass of a switchback.  I love seeing guys get mercilessly spit out the back on long arduous climbs.  I love to watch riders pick themselves off the pavement and close the gap.  I love the lead-out train as much as the guy who beats it.  I love bike racing.   

Lance did what he thought was best for him.  My opinion is to take is his advice.  Whether you’re a cycling fan or part of racing yourself, do what’s best for you.  Go ride your bike, enjoy the wind in your face.  Ride hard.  Ride long.  If one day you’re faced with a choice, make a decision you can live with the rest of your life. 

Right now, as a fan, my decision is to continue to cheer.  However, I chose to no longer be crushed days, months, years later that the riders involved were doping.  Hopefully that will change.  Till it does, I will watch races, ring cowbells, shout “Allez” at the leader and call it a day.  Fin.  Game over.  I'll turn my back having enjoyed another bike race and not care about it anymore.  I got what I came for.  It’s no different than turning off the TV at night.  

Goodnight Lance.

Blink.

Voeckler Positive for Snatching Contador’s Body…and Other TDF Thoughts

Thor-too

Power, perseverance…pecs, Thor’s finish line salute would make a great tattoo.  Who couldn’t benefit from the power of a mini-thor on the upper arm?  What Would Thor Do?  Take it one step further.  It’d make a ridiculous chest tattoo.  Unzip your jersey and, ba-bam, say hello to the god of thunder ladies!

Klo-no!

Or, maybe, “Oh No-den!”  Kloden clipped out in the first hour of Friday’s stage.  While a bummer, at least I’m finally convinced that no one on Team Radio Shack is doping.  Apparently Horner, Popo and Bracko were one guy short of fielding a team the Grand Theft Auto X-box tournament in the back of the Radio Shack team bus.  No matter how hard I stomped on the couch cushions and scared my cats by shouting “Klooo-den” with a deep haunting German accent, he could not over come his injuries.  Levi was last seen loading up on mojos, rabbits feet, Italian horns, good luck charms and numerous translation guides to be able to talk with his remaining teammates at a Pyrenean gypsy kiosk.

Voecklador

Saturday’s stage with, exactly 43 HORS category climbs, the equivalent of doing 20 lactate threshold hill repeats on K2, looks so diabolical there may be more guys that miss the time cut than finish the stage.  HTC might have to give Cavendish a rescue beacon, a satellite phone and a pannier full of hoagie sandwiches to survive the stage.  If Voeckler is still in yellow after Saturday he should be tested for surgically removing his head and placing it on Contador’s body. 

Hooger TFU Award

Shouldn’t there be a Hooger-TFU Award in the tour for guys like Flecha and Hoogerland?  Something like a Free Pass, at least an equivalent to surviving getting hit by a speeding car, rag-dolled into barbed wire and finishing before the time cut.  They should be able to skip 3 stages, be booked in a 5-Star resort, retain their position on GC before the wreck, and be dropped off with a 5 minute lead in a town just outside of the Pyrenees.  Shit…they should each get a car like the one that hit them.  After the lawyers have a chat, they probably will…polka dot Audi’s with shiny 24-inch spinner rims.

HTFU: Hoogerland The F Up Bracelet

Shocking.  Tragic. Heroic.  Hoogerland makes the yellow jersey winning break, scraps with Voeckler for KOM points over numerous mountain passes, gets hit by a car, rag-dolled into a fence, shredded by barbed wire, miracurously remounts his bike and only after getting dropped miles from the finish line makes the time cut to claim the polka dot jersey in tears on the Tour De France podium yesterday.  Holy Hoogerland!  You just took HTFU to a ho…nutha…level. 

Hoogerland is now synonymous with cycling heroism.  Horner you get a close second buddy.  We all have our limits where we’d turn our bib number into the official.  I DNF’d in May at the Mohican 100 because I felt exhausted.  Even though I felt helpless, I could still physically pedal and steer.  Yet I chose to climb in the car versus struggling through the next 15 miles.  Looking back, worst case it might’ve taken me 2 hours.  Still, I rationalized that I could not go on, my goal was gone.  It wasn’t worth it.  What was Hoogerland’s rationalization?  A polka dot jersey?  Here he is carved up like a thanksgiving turkey by a rusty fence.  He looks like he survived a biblical whipping post.  He knows he got hit by a car.  His chamois has a trap door.  Where were the hysterics?  The only tears I saw were ones of joy on the podium.  It was almost as if there were no other option but to go on. 

Over the weekend I read a story in Outside magazine about the new Spot brand rescue beacons which are being marketed to through-hikers and backwoods adventurers and the namby-pambies who’ve hit the rescue button because of cold toes or over exuberant snoring from tent mates.  You laugh, but how many times have you given up on a race because of something ridiculous like exhaustion, a spat of road rash, a broken pedal?  It’s no different.  In the light of Hoogerland, HTFU just got a lot harder.  Hooger The F Up is more like it. 

That’s why for the limited time price of $19.95 plus shipping and handling you can have your very own Hoogerland bracelet.  It’s stylishly polka dotted.  It cannot be cut with barbed wire and will always get you to the time cut in time to stand on the podium.  It’s guaranteed to shut off all processes of rational thought and will make sure you finish what you set out to do.  Wear the HoogerTFU bracelet for those days when you don’t want to ride because it’s too hot outside.  HoogerTFU!  Wear it as a reminder that you can walk home when you break a chain.  HoogerTFU!  Wear it as a reminder that as long as you have a heart beat, can pedal, see and steer that you’ll always finish your race.  

Stop Animation Video Wins Road ID Flat Joe Biker Contest

Ring the Cowbell for Reader Mike F.

He obviously has the world’s smallest cyclocross race course in the world in his front yard!  He’s reader Mike F. and the winner/creative genius of The Best Bike Blog EVER! Flat Joe Biker photo contest presented by Road ID.  Congratulations and thank you Mike.  Enjoy your Road ID e-gift card.  The amount of work that went into this is very humbling. 

Not only does the entry combine a still photo of cycling with Flat Joe Biker and Road ID, it had to take a couple dozen photos, carefully and precisely crafted together to make this stop animation video of a cyclocross tragedy.   

We’d also like to thank all who entered including: Dave R. of Big Dave Sports who put Flat Joe Biker literally on the podium of the Ohio State Masters and Juniors Championships

April and Mitch B. who took Flat Joe to New Orleans for a lovely time at Cafe du Monde.

Jeni R. who toasted the Lumberjack 100 with Flat Joe.  Cheers!

Rod who found a riding partner in Flat Joe while in Tsali.  "We should go that way!"

And, yeah, what the hell, thanks to Adam N.  Even though he showed up late for the ride by sending in a photo this morning after the deadline, he also gets an honorable mention by kitting up to ride the Mid Mountain Trail in Park City with Flat Joe Biker and Road ID.

To learn more about how Road ID can save your ride or pick up your own e-gift card visit Road ID online and/or like the Road ID Facebook page.

What’s next?  The Tour De Rants of course!  More details coming on Tuesday, but you can enter now by leaving a comment (a rant) on this blog post and joining The Best Bike Blog EVER! Tour De Rants peloton p/b Ryders Eyewear.   (Yes, you’ll have to log in with one of the options presented…anonymous comments will not be considered...duh)  The prize: the Ryders Eyewear of your choice.  Ba bam!  Like Ryders on Facebook here.  While I’m diggin’ on the Seeker, find out which style and lens options match your riding and noggin’ at RydersEyewear.com today.

TDF 2011: It's the Leather Jersey That Matters

Obviously there’s some disagreement as to if Contador should not have attacked and/or waited after Schleck dropped his chain in last year's tour.  Some cried foul.  Others insist there are no gifts in the Tour De France.  There will never be any cut and dry rule.  We could debate the tire-width line between winning and sportsmanship till someone from France wins the tour again, or we could award acts of heroism, respect and coolness in the Tour De France.  With another Schleckador battle looming, for  2011 I propose a new jersey competition to stand atop the podium along with the yellow, green and polka dot.  Introducing: The Leather Jersey, Le Maillot Cuir.

There’s no argument that the world’s coolest person ever in the world is Arthur Henry Fonzarelli, aka The Fonz.  Modeled after Fonzie’s leather jacket from the hit TV show Happy Days, the Leather Jersey would be awarded each day to the points leader in the coolness competition.  Of course it’d be a faux black coolmax leatheresque jersey, pleather if you will.  It’d have an authentic “thumbs up” silk screened on the back and topped off with an extra tall popped-up collar.  The Leather Jersey would be sponsored by Ryders Eyewear and come with a pair of cool Seeker sunglasses.  Fabian Cancellara, a cool guy who remarkably resembles the Fonz the most, would award the jersey each day.  Instead of kissing, the podium girls, dressed like sexy Pinky Tuscaderos, would stand back, give a double thumbs up and say, "AAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!"

Win a Road ID with TBBBE Details Here

Points would be awarded to riders demonstrating acts of sportsmanship, heroism, respect, kindness and general coolness.  Double points would apply on extreme stages, such as those with Hors category climbs or on days when the weather is bad.

 

The Cool Points scale could look something like this:

2              Heroically making the time cut but coming in DFL

5              Offering water  food to a racer on another team

7              Helping unpile the bikes after a mass wreck

10           Checking to see if that dude that just rode off the cliff is moving down there

15           Waiting for or not attacking a rival who just suffered a mechanical or a crash

In a multiple jersey winning situation, instead of giving the lesser jersey to the runner up, the Leather Jersey would be worn layered as a cool vintage-style under jersey in conjunction with the green, polka dot or yellow jersey.  In Paris it would be an extra honor, showing the world that it is indeed possible to win with respect, integrity, sportsmanship, heroism, kindness and just being a cool Joe Biker.


(joe biker note: No, you're not seeing double.  This article originally posted on July 21, 2010.  With Le Tour starting this weekend, we thought it was worth a repost.  Love you.  Mean it.)

WIKI LEEKI: 2011 Tour De France Route Map Leaked

(Nose Hit News Service/Paris, France)  Just hours before Tour De France organizers planned release of de 2011 race route, Le Wiki Leeki (a French organization that is not on strike) allegedly unveiled portions of the route and uncorked the champagne themselves.  French authorities are redundantly calling it a faux hoax.  Included in the leak were details of new starting cities, a time trial in the Basque town of Testostero'ne, and a full map pictured below.

Stages 1 & 2

Stage 1, according to Le Wiki Leeki, takes place after the traditional prologue in Paris and follows the traditional flat start to the tour taking riders 135 miles from Clenbuterol, originally settled by Russian immigrants and finishes in Cera, known for its potent blood red wine.  Stage 2, the group contends, continues through the northern part of the country with an undulating 120 mile circumnavigation of the wine producing country between Vino and Landis'eille. 

Stages 6 & 7 

The first week of the tour ends with a bumpy ride, according to the Leeki, as the road tilts up for the first time.  Of particular interest is stage 7, which Wiki says will depart in Aach-Gee-Aach and finish 145 miles and three Category 2 climbs later in the Belgian town of Balco.

Stages 9-11 

These three stages take riders from through the heart of the Pyrenees Mountains in the middle of the 2^nd week says Leeki.  While stage 9 from E'peeo to Cortisone features 3 HORS rated climbs, stage 10 ending in the ski resort town of Puerto is certain to be a pivotal stage Le Wiki reports,  since it will be followed by a stage 11 time trial from Homologous to Mayo, where mayonnaise was invented.

Full 2011 Tour Route Map

Dear Dopers, Hoodwinkers, & Rule Skaters:

From the Desk Of:

I just want you all to know that every time I watch a race I fake cheering for you.  You thought when you raced up that mountain that I was standing on the side of the road for hours in the rain pouring my guts out for you.  It was all a sham.  I like ringing cowbells for fun and think my voice sounds cool when it's hoarse.  You totally pedaled faster for nothing!

Remember when you saw me running in my Borat underwear with my Belgian flag and devil’s pitch fork?  Well I burned you.  You thought you witnessed my pure emotion, elation, joy, anger, and sympathy, right?  Well, I wouldn’t waste that on you.  I save that for the things I truly care about.

Did you really think that when I shouted at my television, spilled my Mountain Dew on the carpet, and jumped up on the ottoman that I was truly cheering for you at the Tour?  I was totally bluffing.  I can’t believe you fell for the old pound the sofa and hide my face behind the cushions trick.  That team jersey I bought...it's hanging next to my bidet.  Sorry.  Joke’s on you.  I subscribe to Versus for Bull Riding.

I wish that was true.  However, every time I watch a race, I show my true feelings and emotions for the beautiful sport of cycling.  I show you the true me.  Whether it’s bonking and losing 20 minutes to the leaders or kissing the podium girl on the cheek, I expect I’m seeing the true you. 

Sincerely,

Joe Biker

PS: Originally posted on 7/24/2007

Alberto Contador May Sign With Team Alberto Contador p/b Alberto

(Nose Hit News Service: Spain) In a move we all saw coming, amidst the swirling rumors of stalled contract talks with Astana, Alberto Contador will reportedly sign with a new team for the 2011 cycling season; Team Alberto Contador presented by Alberto.  This new UCI Pro tour team managed by Alberto Contador, is slated to sign other top named riders, namely Alberto Contador, Alberto Contador, Alberto Contador and of course Alberto Contador.  “I just got fed up with all the controversy over people saying I’m not a team player.  So, I go on my own.  Who needs teammates when you end up attacking them anyway,” questioned the team owner.  “It’s a win-win!,” the team manager exclaimed in broken English, “we only need two maybe four bicycle, someone to hand Alberto musette bag at feed zone and that’s uh about it.  Alberto’s brother will book the hotels, give massage and drive team car.  All Alberto left to do is fire the pistol and slip on the yellow jersey.”  He has a point.

Although details remain sketchy, rumored sponsors are Alberto VO5 as primary sponsor and Alberto’s Cookies, fancy schmancy Alberto Guardiani designer shoes and famed Salsa musician Jose Alberto.  “It’s all about Alberto,” Alberto raved, “and I enjoy good shoes, good cookies, good music and my fantastic looking jet black Spanish hair.”  Asked if Astana decided to drop him because of his brown tooth that he has yet to get whitened or capped despite earning over two million Euros with his previous Tour De France wins, Contador denied comment.  

Photo: Devil Claims Levi on Tourmalet

We were all cheering for him, but team Radio Shack's Levi Leipheimer met the sharp end of the devil's pitchfork on the Tourmalet at the Tour De France today, losing 8:59 to Contador on the stage and falling to 14:24 back and into 13th on GC.  Special thanks to reader Andy P. in France for the original Devil photo from today's stage.  Complete results & story on Velonews.

Fan us and visit us on Facebook to comment for tomorrow's Facebook Friday post. Fill in the blank: "It was so hot on my ride..."


In the meantime, below are a few more of Andy P's snapshots from the Tourmalet.

Our correspondent in France Andy P. in the Polka dot headband.

The TDF Leather Jersey Proposal

Obviously there’s some disagreement as to if Contador should not have attacked and/or waited after Schleck dropped his chain.  Some cried foul.  Others insist there are no gifts in the Tour De France.  There will never be any cut and dry rule.  We could spend the rest of our years debating the thin line between winning and sportsmanship, or we could award acts of heroism, respect and coolness in the Tour De France.  That’s why I propose a new jersey competition to stand atop the podium along with the yellow, green and polka dot.  Introducing: The Leather Jersey, Le Maillot Cuir.

There’s no argument that the world’s coolest person ever in the world is Arthur Henry Fonzarelli, aka The Fonz.  Modeled after Fonzie’s leather jacket from the hit TV show Happy Days, the Leather Jersey would be awarded each day to the points leader in the coolness competition.  Of course it’d be a faux black leather jersey, pleather if you will.  It’d have an authentic “thumbs up” silk screened on the back and topped up with an extra tall popped up collar.  The Leather Jersey would be sponsored by Ray Ban and come with a pair of cool guy Wayfarer sunglasses.  Fabian Cancellara, the coolest racer who resembles the Fonz the most, would award the jersey each day.  Instead of kissing, the podium girls would stand back, give a double thumbs up and say, "AAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!"

Points would be awarded to riders demonstrating acts of sportsmanship, heroism, respect, kindness and general coolness.  Double points would apply on extreme stages, such as those with Hors category climbs or on days when the weather is bad.

 

The Cool Points scale could look something like this:

2              Heroically making the time cut but coming in DFL

5              Offering water  food to a racer on another team

7              Helping unpile the bikes after a mass wreck

10           Checking to see if that dude that just rode off the cliff is moving down there

15           Waiting for or not attacking a rival who just suffered a mechanical or a crash

In a multiple jersey winning situation, instead of giving the lesser jersey to the runner up, the Leather Jersey would be worn layered in conjunction with the green, polka dot or yellow jersey.  This would be accomplished by awarding, for example a yellow jersey with an extra tall upturned black collar.  In Paris it would be an extra honor, showing the world that it is indeed possible to win with respect, integrity, sportsmanship, heroism, kindness and just being cool.

Facebook Friday: Garministan Invasion

I got rear ended at a toll both outside of Chicago on the Eisenhower expressway more than ten years ago.  In slow motion, as I sat stopped waiting to pay, I heard the skidding.  Then from my rear view mirror I could see her coming in way to fast.  A white sedan skidding, looking for the lane with more room to stop.  Bam.  Crash.  Smash.  Bang.  Dominoes.  One car plowed into another, till the rear window of my 1991 Honda Civic hatchback caved in and the Proflex bike on my roof rack flipped onto my hood.  I was okay.  Glass was everywhere.  My frame got cracked.  In a shaky trembly half-scared half-adrenaline spiked voice, much like the one Tyler Farrar used in post race interviews to describe yesterday's sprint at the 2010 Tour De France, I narrated to the officer what happened.  Farrar was freaked out and for good reason.  Crazy things were unfolding in slo-mo in front of his eyes.

After watching the tour coverage of Thursday's sprint over and over, in slo-mo, upside down from the trapeze bar in my living room with binoculars, and by cocking my head side to side like a dog trying to figure out what it's owner is saying, it's pretty clear that nobody in the sprint was riding a line straight enough to pass a breathalizer test.  Check out the video link of "How The Race Was Won" here.


In post race interviews, both Julian Dean and Mark Renshaw, veteran lead out guys, prided themselves on clean sprinting, holding their line.  What I found fascinating, is that neither Dean nor Renshaw mentioned the headbutts.  Headbutting is not against the rules, deviating from your line is.  If you're getting crowded off your line, better defend it with your head than to use your hands at 40mph.  Problem is, Renshaw did more than defend his real estate.  That's what the race jury saw.


Like a game of Risk, Renshaw pounded his way to gain more acreage.  These are big boys.  They know what's going on.  Pro sprinters can thread a needle an inch wider than their handlebars.  There was 3-4 feet to the left of Renshaw, plenty of room to throw a sprinters disco party let alone for Renshaw to pull off and let Cav go straight.  Problem was Renshaw was getting beat by Dean, consequently Farrar was getting the upper hand on Cav.  

Renshaw saw that the only way to regain dominance at the line for both Cav and himself was for him to cross the border on his right.  Sorry, but that was the land of Garministan.  Look at it like a double paceline.  Guy on the left (Renshaw) goes left, guy on the right (Dean) goes right.  While exciting for TV, I think we got robbed of a drag race between Farrar and Cav and for that matter a three up race with Petacchi.  Too bad.  Maybe that's what the jury saw.  This is the Tour De France and we want to see the best go head to head.


Still, the general consensus among FB friends and fans is that the punishment didn't fit the crime.  Getting ejected was a bit harsh.  So, what should've been the punishment?  It's Facebook Friday.  Every week we ask our Facebook fans a burning question and post the comments here.  To be a part of fit, fan us here on FB.  


This weeks question was: "Instead of being kicked out of the Le Tour for Le Head-butting Julian Dean, how should've Mark Renshaw been punished?" 

You Got Schlecked! The Movie

For more silly stuff about getting "Shlecked" check out this previous post here.
And, for the totally "Shlecked" experience: http://andyschleckbestbikeraceroftheuniverse.blogspot.com/

The Other Men Who Wore Yellow, My Yellow

This is my 2000 Tour De France yellow jersey.  While there are many like it, this one is mine.  Few have seen it.  Ten years ago, a friend of mine worked as a broker for a bank in Amsterdam and through some connections came to own it.  When we visited, he passed the jersey onto me as a gift.  Ten years later, the color is still bright.  It’s never left my closet…except for once.  I couldn’t resist.  I put it on to see if it fit.  It did.  But I attest!  No one saw me, except for my wife and cats.  The honor of wearing this jersey in public still rests with the four men who wore it that year.  Yep.  Four.  Can you name them?  Without checking online? 

Digging into it, this jersey, even though it’s a commemorative one without the nifty full-zip in the back, has a story to tell.  Until a few weeks ago, I really only knew Lance Armstrong won the tour in 2000 and dreamed of getting this jersey signed by him, maybe with the help of some friends traveling to this year’s Tour of California.  The more I thought about it, as much of an icon status as Lance is and deserves, Lance’s command on the Tour de France blended years together.  During the Lance years, it wasn’t only Lance.  Many men wore the yellow jersey.  There was Ulrich and now Contador, and a whole list of other yellow jersey heroes with not so household names…the other men who wore yellow. 

Until a few weeks ago, the opportunity to get Lance to sign my jersey never presented itself.  He was in France, I was at home.  He was in Leadville.  I was…at home.  We couldn’t connect.  I though it’s time to seize the day.  Carpe Diem!  Then it occurred to me.  This jersey is not about chasing Lance.  This jersey signifies a 3 week battle for the highest honor in cycling.  In 2000, Lance didn’t win it on stage one and hold it till Paris.  There were 180 or so riders in the tour that year.  Of those, three others earned the Yellow jersey in 2000.  Wouldn’t it be great to get it signed by all four men: David Millar, Alberto Elli, Laurent Jalabert and Lance Armstrong?  Where are they now?  Who the heck is Alberto Elli?  I thought it’s possible that I might be able to have the jersey signed by Lance and David Millar at the Tour of California, but Alberto Elli and Jaja…oh brother.  This is a task that could consume a man for a lifetime. 

David Millar won the opening Time Trial in the 2000 Tour De France while racing for Cofidis.  Imagine that.  He beat Lance, the former winner, in a time trial.  I can’t picture him not wearing Argyle.  Millar’s now with the US based team Garmin-Transitions.  I assumed he’d be racing the Tour of California.  Not so according to the start list on the TOC website.  Dang it.  He’s racing the Giro and after a crazy stage 3, currently sits in 3rd overall one second behind Vino, the current maglia rosa wearer.  Good for him!  Clearly, Millar has bigger aspirations than the Tour of California.  Clearly, I’ll have to find another way to get Mr. Millar to sign my jersey.

I know Laurent Jalabert isn’t racing anymore, but maybe he’s involved somehow in cycling.  Maybe he’ll be at the Tour of California.  Well if you remember, Jaja wore yellow for ONCE in 2000 after winning the Team Time Trial.  In 2001, racing for CSC, the Frenchman won on Bastille Day, an honor in France that’s only 2^nd to becoming a saint and comes with the benefits of free baguettes and wine for life.  In 2002 he retired after winning the polka dot jersey in the TDF.  In ’05 he finished 391^st in the New York Marathon.  In ’07 and ’08 he competed in Iron Man triathlon events, finishing 76^th at the World Championships in Kona.  Now Jaja is a commentator for French television.  Guess I’ll have to make arrangements for the jersey to return to France.

What about this other guy named Alberto?  Aside from being a handsome Italian, winning a stage in the 2000 Tour De Suisse and the overall in Tour de Luxembourg, Alberto Elli wore the yellow jersey for 4 days in the 2000 Tour De France as the 2^nd oldest rider in the peloton.  2000 was Alberto Elli’s career defining year.  His savvy experience got him into a 12 man breakaway.  At the end of the day, the Duetsche Telekom rider was highest placed on GC and the yellow was draped across his shoulders without ever winning a Tour stage.  No doubt wearing the yellow in 2000 was the highlight of Elli’s career.  When the race kicked up into the Pyrenees, Lance took over the honor.  Then things went down hill.  In 2001 police found banned substances in Elli’s hotel room during the Giro.  In ’05, he was sentenced to 6 months in prison for the offense.  But, it’s 2010.  Maybe Elli’s still around.  He is.  Alberto Elli is currently the directeur sportif for Preti Mangimi Italian continental team.  I see a trip to Italy in my future.  I can deal with that.

So, while I’d be wobbly legged honored if Lance would lean across the security fence at the Radio Shack team bus at the Tour of California and sign my 2000 Tour De France yellow jersey, it would only be a start for this autograph seeker.  For better or worse David Millar, Laurent Jalabert and Alberto Elli are just as big of a part of my yellow jersey’s history as Lance.  The jersey deserves to meet them too and I’m a patient man.

Alberto Contador or Ryan From "The Office" You Decide

A Facebook friend pointed out the similarity, and I had to see for myself. Pretty close. Pretty close.

In The Tour De France Mind Of Columbia HTC's Bradley Wiggins

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