Monday, November 29, 2010

West Bound and Down Non-Stop to CX Nationals

"PigPen this here's the Rubber Duck and I'm about to put the Hammerdown!"  The Best Bike Blog Ever has a Bear in the air.  Follow the road to nationals with a Cincinnati spin from correspondent Corey Green.  

As a special and exclusive feature, a group of parents, coaches, and Lionhearts junior cyclocrossers will be making the trip to Bend, OR to partake, participate, and soak in USA Cycling's 2010 Cyclocross nationals.  You're invited to mount up and come along for the ride.  Woot!

Cincinnati to Louisville, Indy to Columbus, you're no stranger to road trips.  But this 4500 mile round trip road trip might be more of a mission.  Can they survive life in a Toyota Sequoia?  Can they survive the Super 8?  Can they survive the cornfields?  It reminds me a bit of a movie.  Convoy?  Naw.  This is serious.  Definitely, Smokey and the Bandit.  The original, not a cash grab sequel either.  Before we get it in gear, meet the cast of characters.

I'm Corey Green, Cyclocross National Correspondent for The Best Bike Blog Ever.  There are three of us heading out to Bend via I-80 in a Toyota Sequoia (shameless sponsor plug).  The journey starts in less than a week and will commence promptly after the Zipp wheels from the OVCX raffle are won by a Lionheart and placed in the trailer.  I have 2250 miles, at 70mph that's plenty of time to glue them while riding shotgun. Conveniently Smokey and the Bandit has three main characters providing us with a perfect parallel.

As you remember, The Bandit set out for Texarkana to purchase Coors for some Georgia wheeler/dealers. This anthem and the first official reference to the phrase "boogity boogity boogity" should help you remember the plot.  

Since The Best Bike Blog Ever's budget was only enough to restore a 1987 Yamaha Jog scooter and not a 1977 Pontiac Trans Am, we won't have a diversionary vehicle. But we will have a Toyota Sequoia with a 5.7L V8 engine pulling a trailer set up for bikes graciously donated for our use by the Team Turner/ProChain Cycling Team. It also means that Bandit, Snowman, and Frog will have to inhabit the same Sequoia for a non-stop 2250 mile trip from Indianapolis to Bend.  (Joe Biker Note: read that does say non-stop doesn't it?)


The Bandit will be played by John Petrov. John is the father to a sort of well known cyclist named Spencer Petrov. For those of you racking your brains, yes, he is one of the 12 year olds riding next to you for about 2 minutes at the beginning of your Cat 4 race. John, like Bandit, has organized the drive to and from the west. Reports also have him as the best looking of the three of us as well as being the ladies man. There will probably be some debate on this as we drive.

Snowman will be yours truly, Corey Green. I have two girls racing in Bend at Nationals, Kenzie will be racing for the second time at Nationals and Madeleine will see the big stage for the first time. I will also be racing in three races out west, mostly for recon of courses to share with the kids. My dog won't be coming, and hopefully I won't start talking like Jerry Reed while I am on this trip.

Frog will be played by Gregg Shanefelt. I can already visualize Gregg arguing with me about not being a female and that Sallie Field looks nothing like him, but Gregg was a last minute acquisition to the trip, which means he plays Frog. However, if Gregg shows up this weekend with feathered hair, his participation might come under review. Gregg will be racing in the Elite race on Sunday, which means...Snowman gets to watch the Elite race at Nationals from the pit lane. 10-4 to that.  Hopefully I will remember to help Gregg if he decides to stop in the pits.

In true Smokey and the Bandit spirit we might or might not be taking orders for Deschutes growlers. We have a trailer, we may as well top it off with something. Hopefully we won't be interviewing anyone for the part of Buford T Justice on the way to or fro.

Look for updates as the trip and the racing week progresses. Last year there were a lot of sights and we didn't even stay for the Elites on Sunday. This year we have the entire last day of events to partake.

Joe Biker Note: Sincere thanks to Corey, Gregg and John.  Access passwords will be changed the day after Nat's!  Seriously, have fun, be safe and be funny!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Fi'zi:k Cu'Kee:saver Women's Saddle from

I'm banging my fists against the computer keyboard.  adea;o refioan; fewiau.  Why do I even bother musing about cycling when I could just copy it from the funniest cycling websites where they pay people to write, like  After reading the following ad from for the Fi'zi:k Vesta women's saddle I'm certain of a few things.  1) The website is clearly not for real cyclists.  2) This copy was not Fi'zi:k approved.  3) If the associate at your local bike shop tried to sell you a saddle this way, you would slap him in the face.  4) I'm clearly not qualified to write for cycling publications.  5) This ad was clearly not written by a real cyclist, a guy who really wants to sell a $130 saddle to a woman, an actual woman, someone disguised as a woman, Wendy Williams, or even guy with a doll that he calls his girlfriend for that matter.  It is very possible it was written by someone with callouses on his right hand.

Fi'zi:k Vesta K:IUM Saddle - Women's

Perch your booty on the Fi’zi:k Women’s Vesta Saddle, and pedal with comfort. The women’s-specific shape gives you support where you need it and, thanks to the pressure-relieving beaver-breather central channel, none where you don’t. Scuff guards keep the Microtex cover unmarked if you lay your bike down, while Fi’zi:k’s Integrated Clip System lets you seamlessly install an I.C.S.-compatible saddle bag or light. With the Fi’zi:k Vesta, you’ll be filling your lungs with fresh air instead of filling your shorts with saddle sores.
Now, let's dissect this beauty.  Do you know what pops up on Yahoo image search results when you type in the word booty?  DO YOU?  For shame.  And shame on me too, because I dared to check.  First of all, the moment you finish typing the "y" of the word booty, your computer goes into blue screen lockdown mode and sends emails and texts to the authorities, your wife and your mom to inform them that you may be looking at porn.  Seriously, it triggers your computers "safe search" filter advising you of the forthcoming watermelon sized naked cabooses that's about to be displayed on your 17 inch screen.  The next thing that pops up, after agreeing to turn "safe search" off is hundreds of pictures of the biggest asses you've ever seen in your life outside of the Biggest Loser Ranch.  Granted, some are in bicycle shorts...barely.  The next thing that happens is spyware, unless you turn the "safe search" back on.  Clearly BOOTY is not the correct term to describe a women's um, backside and clearly not how a woman who would spend $130 on a saddle would refer to little tushy. 
You had me at booty.  Really I would've bought the saddle right then and there.  But, this saddle has a Beaver Breather.  Thank goodness because mine almost suffocated.  Were there less offensive words that decided not to use, like uhm...maybe cookie saver?  I wouldn't even dare to type "beaver breather" into a search least not at work.  I'm guessing I wouldn't see comical fuzzy little creatures wearing SCUBA gear while building a dam on a picturesque creek.
The sad thing is, if you go to Fi'zi:k's website the copy for the Vesta saddle reads quite professionally and un-offensive like this:
Vesta. A pressure relief channel praised by pros and enthusiasts alike.
But I guess thought that trying to work the words "saddle sores" and "laying your bike down" into the copy was more effective in luring women to purchase this high-end, pretty, white, well designed, ultra light, matches any bike, relatively inexpensive, pro-level saddle.

note: no beavers were harmed in this story.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

CX: It All Ends Tonight…For Realzies

She’s tolerating it.  For ten, twelve, weeks I’ve rode up alongside her, put a hand on her back and said, “See ya at home Honey.”  Then I drop it into the small ring, put the left bud in my ear and noodle the 45 minutes back home.  With OVCX races on Sunday, I always cut the Saturday ride short.  She’d smile and maybe say something sassy like, “smell ya later.”  I can’t imagine what cyclocross is like for those who race and have spouses that don’t ride.  You gotta have a real angel in your life.

The end is near.  Thank you Oprah.  Thank you Tom Cruise.  Thank you little baby Jesus, she’s saying in her best Ricky Bobby impersonation.  I thank her.  Since August I HAD to buy two new tires and a seatpost.  I'm still afraid to calculate how much I’ve spent on gas, entry fees and Combos at Speedway.  No doubt the cost of Combos alone is nearing the cost of the six month property tax bill.  Still I got excited to open the 8th place payout envelope last weekend.  I gave it to her when I got home. The real prize to me was the words "8th Place Elite Masters" written on the envelope itself.

She rides and races too, just not cross.  So in the fall, she has no interest in intervals, hill repeats or riding circles in the grass drooling and wheezing like a donkey.  The only thing that’s kept us working out together is the 45 minutes on Saturday mornings, the occasional  recovery ride and yoga.  Namaste to that.   

The season essentially ends tonight.  At least that’s the way I’m thinking about it.  I don’t know if she sees it yet, that there’s a Sunday in the future with our name on it.  There’s 4 races left, in three weekends.  Really, today being Thursday, November 18th, I’ll line up in the grid for the last time in about 2 weeks.  Less if I decide against racing Indy.  I can count the number of interval workouts I have left.  Three.  The number of really hard gut busting donkey wheezing interval workouts is exactly one.

This is precisely why you set goals.  Not only do they justify the work and sacrifice to yourself, but those around you.  I heard her on the phone the other day telling a relative about some of my bad race luck with the tires and broken seatpost.  Then in a warmer tone she added, “The last two races were great for him.  He reached his top-ten goal.”  She cares.  She called me Number Eight Sunday night after my 8th place finish.  When I think about it, the number eight is an infinite as a wedding ring.  That stuff makes a man feel all warm and gushy.

I’ve got my crampons dug in and I’m on the peak.  Endurance doesn’t matter anymore.  I’m not going to get any stronger than I am right now.  Speed and technique is all that’s left to tweak.  I’ll do my last real hill repeats tonight, race Sunday in Lexington, do some speed work mid next week, toss in a yoga class, eat some Turkey and mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie and green bean casserole and more mashed potatoes and race the State Championships at John Bryan. 

Tonight’s Biiiiiilly Goat ride is it.  Fin.  After that it’s a matter of making the most of the fitness I’ve built up since I started cutting the Saturday ride short, since I was home on Sunday afternoon, since I last spent an entire weekend riding with my wife.  It all ends tonight Honey.  For realzies.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Indy Fab Worthy (An OVCX Love Story)

I just handed THAT GUY my IF.  I’m watching a guy who calls himself Jimmy Road Rash ride out of the OVCX Infirmary Mound race pits on my $5000 bike.  You might’ve heard of him, he writes a blog too (link here).  Now why would I handoff my cherished custom painted Independent Fabrication Planet X with Sram Red and carbon wheels to a guy who knocked out his tooth on a ride a year and a half ago?  Because he’s loveable, awkwardly man-huggable and a BioWheels/Reece-Campbell Racing teammate?  Hell no.  This is an IF we’re talking about.  I get the heebie jeebies when people pick it up to see how light it is.  Well my buddy Jimmy is finally IF worthy, or so I hope.

Don’t think for a second that I didn’t worry the second he grabbed the handle bars and threw his leg over my custom painted baby.  After all, the whole reason he entered the pits was because he crashed and bent his derailleur hanger.  I questioned myself immediately.  None of our other teammates were quick to offer their bikes.  I wanted to run back through the woods to the back side of the course to make sure it’d be okay.  That’s crazy talk though.  What was I going to do?  Throw my body under the bike in-case he washed out on the downhill pavement to grass turn?  Tell him to watch the rock and roots in the singletrack?  Make him wait in the pits while I swapped the $2000 Zipp wheels for something more Jimmy Road Rash appropriate like a three-cross open pro?  Sheeeeet.  The reason I handed him my bike instead of making him finish out the race on his 20 pound Ultegra/105 equipped Redline with three operable gears is because prior to his mishap he was laying down the law on OVCX fast guys like Phil Noble, Jacob Virosko, Sam Dobrozi, and Jason Karew on a 20 pound Ultegra/105 equipped Redline.

Jimmy behind at OVCX Infirmary Mound
Granted Phil, Jacob and Jason were on their 2nd race of the day, but racing is racing.  Ask anybody around the Columbus Ohio venue if Phil and Jason could spank Jimmy even if it was their 2nd race and I’m pretty sure the answer prior to yesterday would’ve been a unanimous yes.  However, Jimmy Road Rash was in the money in an Elite race.  No longer was he fighting not to get lapped by the Bike Reg pro’s, he was closing gaps, dropping guys and racing mid-pack Elite.  Before his misstep, he had systematically closed the 30 meter gap to and dropped every one of the guys listed above.  For the first time I can recall, the rider formally known as Jimmy Road Rash was looking at an Elite cyclocross payout.  He’s fast.  He also needs the money.

Jimmy at Gun Club OVCX
That’s always been my worry with Jimmy.  Like many riders new to the sport.  Sometimes your enthusiasm and strength grow faster than your skills, experience and knowledge.  That’s when you loose teeth and skin.  That’s when other riders leave a little extra room when they’re on your wheel.  Sure you’re fast…fast enough to drive yourself straight into a tree, fast enough to grab a handful of brake rather than soft pedal, fast enough to not think that a covered bridge may have 3 inch gaps between it’s 135 year old hand-cut decking.  That’s why you keep riding a beat-up 20 pound Redline with 105.  That’s why you sell the parts off the Trek Madone frame you destroyed on a covered bridge to your buddy Joe.  You crash.  Replace.  Repeat. 

Jimmy @ Mohican 100
However, it’s been a long time since Jimmy’s bit it.  It’s been a long time since Jimmy sold the Sram Force derailleur from the Madone to me.  It’s been a long time since I put that derailleur on the very bike I just handed off to him.  He’s finally at that point where I hear about his mishaps less than I hear about those from more experienced riders.  Besides, at the USGP a few weeks ago when I broke my seatpost, in a pit exchange that was ultra pro smooth, he handed me his 20 pound 105 equipped Redline so I could finish out my race.  Eventually, what goes around comes around, even if it’s a gorgeous $5000 Indy Fab Planet X.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Beating the Solar System...Daylight Training Time

Where’s my other wool sock?  I think your shoe covers are in the garage.  Where’s the charger for my light?  Our cycling world is upside down.  With the time change, unless you can find your blinky light in the blue storage bin, the kibosh has been put on our evening rides.  You can’t slog your carcass out of bed.   The time it takes to put on your shoe covers and layers makes you reconsider if it’s even worth spending all the time to get dressed for a one hour morning ride before work.  According to, sunrise and sunset in Cincinnati is at 7:16am and 5:28pm respectively.  According to you, this sucks donkey dongs. 

Here’s how I’ve been beating the system…the solar system. 

In these dark days, I have 5 workouts that I mix up to make the most of cold weather weekday riding.  The longest is about an hour, the shortest is over in less than 30 minutes.  Add a warm up and cool down for a sub 2 hour well rounded ride.  Do ‘em fast and hard and you can burn up to 800 calories an hour.  Better yet, any of these workouts can be pulled off before or after work and probably without having to ride more than 5-6 miles away.  You might find yourself wondering why you used to do 3 hour rides after work, at least until the first 60 degree day in March.

Find a 6-8 minute hill or loop of singletrack, something you can churn out an 85% steady effort in.  I prefer the hill over flat road, because most flat roads are teeming with rush hour traffic at 7:30am or 6pm on a weeknight.  Get to the park or a posh hillside neighborhood.  The only traffic you’ll find there is residential.  If it’s a park, the only traffic will be the divorcees hooking up for a secret rendezvous of open mouth kisses.  It’s late in the season; you don’t need to do 10 hills.  5-6 times up will do.  Coast or soft pedal your way down for a 4 minute rest.  6 times up a 7 minute hill is 42 minutes of nut bustin’ fun.  Your cross race is 45 minutes.  Ah ha!  Bikefucious say, “You’re welcome.”

Find a 3-4 minute steep hill.  In Cincinnati there’s no shortage of these, some neighborhoods like Mt. Adams and Mt. Lookout offer a number of routes you can mix up and never leave the same square mile area.  A side payoff, especially in the Queen City, is the incredible vistas of the city and the river at night.  Sprint as hard as you can till you practically die, settle in and suffer it out at the hardest effort you can carry to the top.  Do 8-10 times.  Catch your breath before heading back down the hill.  Again, ten times up a 3 and a half minute hill is 35 minutes.  Imagine being able to attack and stick it 10 times in your next cross race.

These are the shortest and most horrible intervals.  Some call ‘em “on and offs.”  On one of the 4 minute hills from your Vicious Vistas route, you do three hill repeats.  Yep.  Just 3 times up.  No problem, right?  Nuh, uh.  These will make you tap out like getting gut punched repeatedly by a UFC champion.  Good thing you’ll be done in like 20 minutes.  I do them on the switchbacked hill to the Eden Park overlook.  It’s nice to have a pay off vista when you double over at the top.  On each time up you’ll go all out donkey wheezing snot driveling hard for 30 seconds, recover for 30 seconds and then repeat 4 times up the hill.  If your hill is short, double back down when you recover.  You’ll want to die.  You may puke.  Rest 5 minutes between each.  When you’re done, go for a little half hour cool down noodle.  Think of the cyclocross course.  There are not many sections that ever last for 30 seconds of all out effort.  You just did that a dozen times.  You’ll find you can answer and initiate violent repeated attacks like you’re an insanely evil serial killer.

Yoga in Ault Park courtesy Revolution Fitness
This year I replaced my old core routine of crunches, pushups, and stair running with yoga.  It’s a perfect stretching and fairly easy core and balance workout that you can pull off on Thursday or Friday afterwork.  Most classes cost $10, provide everything you’ll need and last an hour.  It’s like getting a massage and a core workout all in one.  Hard enough to get something out of it, easy enough that you wont be hurting on Sunday.  Hot room yoga is like stretching in a warm shower after a chilly ride.  Use your massage stick when you get done.  Plus you’ll find Namaste peace and confidence in those stressful cross racing situations where you have to choose between two scary ways through a frozen creek, around 3 slippery off camber corners and up a steep hill in the course of 20 seconds with 5 guys on your wheel.

Take the cross bike out on a local patch of neighborhood trails.  I’ve lived in Madison and Milwaukee Wisconsin, Chicago, Northern Kentucky and now Cincinnati.  Every neighborhood has a patch work of trails and usually a park nearby.  Many times you can link a few sections together with short jaunts on the road.  Every creek or river has trails on both sides.  Every city park has a little trail somewhere.  I'll ride my neighborhood and shoulder my bike up Cincinnati's public steps.  You’ll keep your CX skills honed and not have to put your bike on the car for a dark, lonely ride in the woods being afraid of the boogey man which usually turns out to be a deer.

Monday, November 8, 2010

CX Obstacle Theory: Tipping With A Winning Lotto Ticket

The drum line banged out a University of Wisconsin caliber halftime show around the sandpit at OVCX #10 at Cincinnati’s Gun Club course.  At the start of the Elite race, it was nuts to butts as spectators lined the route along the barriers.  The cowbells hurt my ears.  Like waiting for the inevitable NASCAR 3 laps to go red flag restart wreck, quite a crowd gathered around the creek crossing to heckle and snicker at those that dabbed.  As a racer who’s been around the cross block, those weren’t the hard parts of the course.  Those weren’t the parts of the course that a racer really needed to think about when scouting the course in warm-up.  Get ready, cuz I’m about to slip a roofie in your water bottle and blow your CX mind.

A few years ago, my mind was blown.  I remember pre-riding the course behind teammate and Ohio Valley fast guy Phil Noble.  Phil has this great ability to find those little snippets of the course where you could gain an extra pedal stroke on hard ground.  At Gun Club, the little patch of pavement coming out of the U-Turn by the grill was a great example.   You’re saying, “I know exactly what you’re talking about Joe Biker!  You could totally get 2 big pedals strokes in there to bomb the gravel decent.”  Yes!  Yes!  No.  No.  You don’t get it.  Ya see, what I learned that day from Phil, while as big of a revelation as mayonnaise on French fries, was just a small tip to the valet.  It was a glimpse of something bigger.  I’m about to lay a “Get Him To The Greek” furry-wall mind blowing on ya.  I’m leaving the winning lotto ticket for the waitress.

What've you been doing since like freaking August?  Intervals!  Yes.  We’ve all been doing intervals since late August, because uh…well…that’s what idiots like us do to train for cyclocross.  You gotta do intervals.  Hill repeats.  Lactate threshold.  85%!  It’s all about the intervals, being the Duke of Devou Park, Master of Mt. Adams.  8 minute intervals.  3 minute intervals.  30 on, 30 off x4, 3 sets. 

The thing is, no one is doing sandpit repeats.  No one’s doing LT intervals through a creek crossing.  You’re certainly not doing 10 second intervals through the barriers.  The sandpit, barriers, run ups and creek crossings are just there to confuse you.  Shut up legs?  No.  Shut up brain.  If you’re easing up on the straightaways and catching your breath through soft corners, you’re doing cyclocross backwards.

Think about where doing two and three minute donkey wheezing snot driveling lactate threshold intervals would’ve paid off at Gun Club.  Through the start and finish area straightaways?  Yes.  After the little single barrier run-up and into the soft cornered out and back section of the course?  Yes.  Headed up to the bridge?  Yes.  After the big “run-up?”  Ding!  Ding!  Ding!  There’s your 2 minute intervals.  There’s your 30 on and 30 off.  Those are precisely the sections of the course where you should be burning your matches.


Next time when you scout a course, look at it in relation to your training, your intervals, where you’re going to go all out, where you can recover.  What I learned from Phil wasn’t about where I could gain two pedal strokes.  It was about gaining the first two pedal strokes going into the real hard parts of the course, where I could open it up full gas.  Danish Nat'l Champ Joachim Parbo once said to a group at the Devou Park CX Clinic, it’s not about who gets through the barriers first.  It’s about who gets up to 25mph after the barriers first. 

At Gun Club, there wasn’t much ground to be gained between the sand pit and the single barrier run-up.  There weren’t gaps to be goosed on the hillside switchback, the creek crossing or the twists and turns that returned riders to the pit area.  The obstacles of a cx course are where having a lower heart rate and a clear head can prevail.  Obstacles mean recovery.  Getting on the gas sooner out of obstacles and holding onto that speed into the next recovery section is where gaps are created and wheels held.  Now go download some Dead on I-Tunes and get on the trainer.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Coincidence? OVCX Gun Club CX Course Looks Like Gun

I'm no expert on firearms, but this weekend's OVCX Gun Club Course looks remarkably close to a gun, or at least an 80 ounce Super Soaker.  Coincidence Mr. Gatch?  We think not!  Whether that's a 9mm or a sniper's rifle is better left in the hands of the experts.  Cool thing is that there really is a real shotgun start this Sunday in Cincinnati and if your name has something to do with guns, you can get free entry like Gunnar Shogren did last year.  For details & registration click here.

We pre-rode the course last night.  For those that thought the sand was easy on Wednesday, rumor is the rotor tiller will be brought out to mix it up pro-volleyball deep prior to Sunday.  It's fairly similar to last year's, 'cept for a shorter slog across the trap shooting hill side and the addition of a wicked tripple chokepoint combining a tight entry to a wooden bridge, a "you choose it" double line through a creek, followed by a just barely rideable run up.

Last night I saw riders clean both lines through the creek and even the run-up.  Problem is, I didn't see anyone do it in traffic.  No doubt, where and when you decide to run and which line to take through the creek will prove pivotal in the race.  Riders seemed to think, the first few lucky souls through on lap one may be able to clean it to the clangs of cowbells.  Those caught in traffic will have a tough decision between trying to ride with the chance of getting shelled by someone bobbling in front of you or running it all from as early as the exit of the bridge.


Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Best Bike Trades EVER: Skinsuit Edition

I once traded a brand new Cuisinart Coffee Maker for a set of Ultegra brakes.  (click here for story) You think that was sweet?  A few years ago I traded a leather anniversary edition Harley Davidson jacket for a bench-top vice.  (Read: Being The Office Bike Bitch Here) My bearded chrome lovin’ motorcycling co-worker got a jacket for his bitch to hold on to at top speed and I got a vice in the shop to make it easier to swap cassettes.  In these tough economic times, maybe EBay isn’t the best way to get the most bang for your crap.

My recent score revolved around the 3 year old BioWheels team skinsuit in my closet.  A teammate was moving out of state just before cyclocross season.  Within a week, he’d be in a whole new world of CX hurt.  Moving is tough enough.  It’s even tougher being in your 20’s with the income of someone in their 20’s.  You have to make tough choices between racing in a skinsuit and not living in a van down by the river.  So, he asked about my old skinsuit.  I had worn it maybe a handful of times, the team switched designs and it’s been in the closet ever since.  Brand new I think I paid north of $120.  Since my boys had already called the chamois home, despite its great condition, the street value of it is practically nothing.  Practically.

On one of his last days in town, he showed up at my house and picked it up.  We said our man-huggy goodbyes.  “Do ya want anything for it?” He asked.  I thought.  The angel on my left shoulder said, “Well he is a good friend, shake hands and wish him well.”  The devil on my right poked back, “you paid $120 and now you’re giving it away?  You raced against Jeremy Powers in it and won a payout in a UCI race.  If anything, it does have sentimental value.”  I replied back with something like, “I tell ya what.  When you get settled with a new team, sponsors and your job, send me a care package.”  (pictured above left: my buddy in his "new" skinsuit)

It arrived yesterday.

I sliced the box open with a razor blade.  Inside was a sweet pair of black and white herring-bone Panache Cyclewear brand patterned socks, a bottle of Optygen pills and a brand new water bottle.  Perfect, I thought.  I just ran out of my Sport Legs and that’s a tough pill to swallow at $50 a bottle.  To save money at work, management stopped buying paper drinking cups, so the water bottle will come in handy in the office.  And, these are some of the coolest socks I’ve seen in a while.  Herring-bone is the new argyle.  Even though I already have 27 pairs of cycling socks, if I saw these babies at the shop, I’d probably buy ‘em anyway.

Only problem is, looking at the photo of the crisp new socks, now I need some better looking road shoes.   I’ll trade ya.

Monday, November 1, 2010

FRI KFC Sizzling Over Compton Wreck

In a press release today, FRI KFC, Female Racers Integrated to beat Katie Fucking Compton rejoiced saying, “every other woman in the world just got an extra fucking point next weekend.”  With her weekend wreck in Boulder (click here for news), Katie Fucking Compton will likely take 2 to three weeks to recover and not race again till the USGP in Ft. Collins Colorado the weekend of November 13th and 14th.    

According to a poll of organizers of this weekend’s upcoming races, lap times in the women’s pro race should go from 7 minutes and 30 seconds to nearly 8 fucking minutes.  “Riders who used to get lapped by KFC will now have a fucking chance of finishing on the lead fucking lap for once in their fucking lives,” FRI KFC’s snarky Spokeswoman, Colonel Sandy, said on her twitter account in just under the 140 character limit.  For the more caddy ladies on the CX grid, that’s finger fucking licking good news.  The press release went on to say, “in addition, women who finished on the tail end of the payout scale will now likely get $20 instead of $10, which coincidentally is enough money to buy a consoling bucket of KFC, two sides, and a slice of Chocolate Chip Cake.” 

Seriously Katie…get well soon.  We know you’re a sweetie and we’ll miss you out there.