Dirtwire.tv Features Junior Spencer Petrov #cxnats

S4: E3: #CXNats Junior Jitters & Preview

In the past couple years USA Cycling has created the racer ranking system.  At least to some degree, it has helped demystify racing at CX Nationals. For the juniors supported in this final week of the National scene it has done nothing to calm their nerves - in fact it may have made it harder. A large number of OVCX kids are highly ranked, so let's take a look at each of the junior races and see who has a shot at a podium in Madison.

Before the ranking system the races were a lot more random.  Knowledge of the other kids was non-existent. The staging was based on last year's podium plus a few other non-racing related criteria. You really didn't know until right before race. With the huge growth comes huge pressure on getting it right.  While there are some flaws in the ranking system, it seems to be the most consistent and fair way to execute the call-ups for Nationals. Our masters racers might not agree when they are racing 6 rows deep, but that is the beauty of racing at a national level.

For the kids it is harder. Remember back to 7th grade? Remember that kid that was a puny 4' 5" twig when you left school last summer? Seemingly over the summer he developed the ability to grow a 5 o'clock shadow by 2:30pm when the bell rang for the end of the school day. Having been to the last four CX nationals that is exactly what happens in the junior races. The kids that were slow (or fast) last year may not be so the following year. Sweaky voiced and hairy, puberty is the great unknown.

As the kids prepare for their races they have no idea who in the United States has suddenly developed Eric Heiden's thighs while maintaining Tyler Hamilton's scrawny upper body. A kid growing a mustache in the 10-12 juniors race tends to quickly intimidate an 9 year old with his seat slammed to the top tube on his hand me down 44cm Redline.

Junior 10-12

The 10-12 age group is probably the single hardest category to predict. Last year we watched Sydney Lach demolish the race on a physically demanding course. Just being large enough to ride a 700c wheeled bike is an immediate leg up on this field as the 24" Redlines are very popular in this crowd. On a physically demanding course the advantage in this crowd goes to the best overall athlete. This year they changed the 10-12 race, putting it on a shorter course and removing the pieces that were the most physically demanding. With the hardest element being a set of barriers the playing field is a bit more level, as the emphasis is on riding fast on relative flat ground.

OVCX Girls - 2 - (9) Kate Seiler and (10) Amber Payne

OVCX Boys - 10 - (1) Will Bobrow, (2) Thomas Francisco, (3) Nicholas Petrov, (6) Lucas Stierwalt, (8) Gabe Dobrozsi, (9) Brennan Foster, (13) Jacob Krynock, (16) Lewis Gatch, (19) Garrett McNear, (30) Keaton Adams

Wow!  TEN boys in this age group at Nationals? This race will be really fun to watch, particularly with the OVCX currently holding FIVE slots on the front row. Congrats to Greg Keller of Mud and Cowbells Blog and Boulder Junior Cycling for bringing an armada of young juniors. Out of the top 20 ranked boys, OVCX holds nine slots, and Boulder Junior Cycling holds seven. It will be a battle to see which program can gather the most podium slots.

Junior 13-14

While the 10-12 race is hard to judge going in, the 13-14 has a huge range of abilities. OVCX has kids in the 13-14 age group racing at the top of our Cat 3 races - in fact several of them. But this is also the category that sees the most "man-children" that hit puberty on the early side and make grown men jealous. If you look through some of the podium pics from the past few years it almost seems unfair that  these kids have to race against each other.

OVCX Girls - 5 - (1) Kennedy Adams, (4) Sydney Lach, (8) Veda Gerasimek, (14) Kate Dietrich, (17) Emma Hayes

OVCX Boys - 8 - Ed Fritzinger, Alex Christian, Jackson McNear, Enzo Allwein, Dylan Rockwood, Eli Woodard, Cameron Fisk, Mark Myles

Junior 15-16

Kids entering the middle teens start to resemble adults.  In some cases they start making adults cry. In our own OVCX series we have seen the development of a trio of 15-16 juniors to the top of the Elite field.  Sons start to stomp on their fathers leaving tears of pain and joy. Our 15-16 girls have fought their way to the top of our growing women's elite field as well, giving them the race experience they need to do well in Madison.

OVCX Girls - 4 - (2) Katherine Santos, (6) Mackenzie Green, (9) Rachel Dobrozsi, (10) Emily Falk

OVCX Boys - 9 - (3) Ian McShane, (4) Spencer Petrov, (5) Gavin Haley, (9) Nicholas Vorwerk, (15) James Francisco, (21) Jedidiah Fritzinger, (22) Zachary Ross, (29) Justin Bird, (30) Nathan Ross

Junior 17-18

At this age the kids, well really they aren't kids anymore. When Drew Dillman was still racing age 18 (just last year) he was making our Elites feel the pain and racing in Belgium. Kids on the podium in this race have a ton of experience and many of them have experience beyond the US.

OVCX Boys - 6 - (3) Stephen Bassett, (4) Gunner Dygert, (7) John Francisco, (20) Luke Beemer, (25) Nolan McQueen, (50) Daniel Santos

In all that is forty-four kids with OCVX racing experience heading to Madison to represent our region. Whether you are from Indiana, Kentucky, or Ohio take a moment to root for these kids and if you are friends with one of them on Facebook or follow one of them (or their parents) on Twitter take a moment to give them a shout out. You have supported them all year, whether you knew it or not, by giving them a fantastic opportunity to develop their skill in preparation for this moment.

Season 4: Rollin' #CXNats with Young'ens

The juniors are strapped to the roof rack (with I-phones...cuz we're not cruel.)  The trailers are packed with spare cables, bikes, tents, and heaters.  Real cross season begins today as Gumbo Boy and the rest of us make tracks in the snow to Chicago, Madison, Cincinnati and Louisville.  For the next four weeks stay tuned for reports from the road to Cyclocross Nationals and the World Championships.  Like us on Facebook and follow on Twitter for periodic nuggets too small to blog about.  Juniors with smart phones make great stringer reporters.  Also, special thanks to the best sponsors ever: coach Chris Mayhew at JBV coaching, Pearl Izumi, GU Energy and Injinji Performance Toe Socks (compression garments are great).  Look for links on the main page.  As the lock goes on the trailer gate, here's the first installment from guest blogger Corey Green...aka Gumbo Boy.

I'm BACK! Time for season 4 (really?) of guest blogging on the The Best Bike Blog Ever during the true CX season - late December and early January. Once again we will be taking a week's vacation and traveling to the most luxurious places on earth to race cyclocross - Chicago, IL and Madison, WI. Its January, its below freezing and there is 18" of snow on the ground in Madison - how much more luxurious could this possibly get?

Current conditions at Badger Prairie State Park, Verona, WI

To reacquaint you with our traveling circus our two main protagnonists are Spencer Petrov and Mackenzie Green. Two kids that over the course of the previous four years have grown immensely in their ability to race cyclocross and endure physical elements - not to mention that they have each grown 8"+ over that time frame. Four years ago they were each riding 44cm Redlines - the smallest possible bike. This year they are both on 54cm bikes - imagine trying to convince your significant other that you need to buy new bikes every single year because you look like a clown riding the one you have?

Before I go into the details of the two main characters in our plot, let's take a moment to talk about the OVCX junior population headed to Nats. There are FORTY juniors from OVCX headed to Nationals in Wisconsin - yes, that is FORTY kids taking a week of vacation from very important Albegra and English classes to race cyclocross. FORTY conversations explaining to the parents that yes, all the other kids are doing it!

Many of you know the two juniors I am traveling with, but let's take a look at each one of them a little more in depth.

Spencer Petrov is well known in these parts, along with his compatriots Gavin Haley and Ian McShane. This trio push each other week in and week out in OVCX making each of them faster - and at this point faster than many of our Elites. All three will be competing in the Juniors 15-16 race in Madison, though Spencer didn't officially turn 14 until September.

Spencer: 2009 OVCX Opener to 2012 OVCX Finale

This inner competition between three kids who are great friends off the course has made each one of them faster, better, and more confident. It is like three mad scientists in their own lab trying to figure out how to get a leg up on the other one. Gavin has hopped almost every barrier this year - as a result Spencer and Ian worked hard to catch up to that skill. Without this inner competition they would each be fast, but that competitive drive makes each of them better - and has made each of them a serious contender for not just a CX Nationals Podium, but a CX National Championship.

Mackenzie Green started racing in 2009 as well, with the introduction of the Lionhearts Junior Racing program sponsored by Queen City Wheels. Her story is way different than Spencer's, but the results are no less remarkable. As a father and a coach I can relate that trying to get your daughter into one of the hardest, most physically demanding sports as their first sport isn't all butterflies and unicorns puking rainbows. You all know CX is hard and to start a sport like this with absolutely zero athletic or aerobic base is akin to deciding to speak Latin as your first language - sure you can do it, but you are going to hate yourself for a while. Mackenzie has been motivated by three other junior girls in her age group in the OVCX that are also headed to Nationals: Katherine Santos, Emily Falk, and Rachel Dobrozsi.

Mackenzie: 2009 OVCX Opener to 2012 OVCX Finale

So...here we go again. Chicago NYR then a week in Madison, WI for the biggest show in the US for CX. This year I don't think we will get the weather gods smiling on us like last year.

Masters Cyclocross: What’s Your Chore Score?

I have trouble figuring out whether a $2.57 12oz jar of pickles is a better deal than a $3.27 16oz jar let alone figuring out which time I race on the BikeReg.com page without my blue tortoise shell Ray Ban reading glasses.  Don’t ask me what category you should race.  However, if pressed to give you an educated answer based on your performance, this Masters 45+ racer who writes juvenile comedy pieces for top-40 radio morning shows will pull out his 1983 Texas Instruments scientific calculator and show you that on the screen, if you type in 5318008, it spells BOOBIES when held upside down. 

Obviously, if you do the math, the $3.27 jar is the better buy.  But, all cucumbers are not equal.  Other factors come into play.  So, when a fellow Masters racer asked me, during a dark and serious beard scratching conversation in my paid-in-full Toyota 4-Runner, whether he should enter the OVCX Masters 2/3 category or the traditional elite category, I asked him how he likes his pickles. 

Are you okay with store brand or can your distinguished Masters taste buds discern the superior crunch of the famous Milwaukee Polski Wyrob pickle?  Do you like sweet or sour?  Are you that guy in polyester suspender pants arguing with the clerk fishing pickles out of a barrel at a Jewish deli in the Chicago suburb of Highland Park, or you more of a metro-sexual mini-pickle man?  For Sven Nys’ sake, you’ve got a mortgage but are acting like a kid scrutinizing tater tots in a school lunch line when it comes to clicking a box on BikeReg.com.  

What kind of man are you?

Let me tell you.  We discuss the types of Masters Men below.  Each is accompanied by a Masters Chore Score or the amount of household chores a Masters rider can reasonably accomplish between training rides, work, calling his mother Sunday morning on the way to races, cleaning both your bikes, comparing hill repeat times on Training Peaks, ice baths in your en-suite Jacuzzi tub, being a head case to your coach via smartphone email and running up to the bike shop to have wheels reglued because you have the money but not the time. 

Who's the Fridge Cleaning Champ?  This guy!

A Masters Chore Score of “0” means you’ll be training so much you’ll end up with a filthy black ring around the toilet and be eating off paper plates as you watch passers by slip on your unsalted icy sidewalk in January.  “10” means you’ll remember your wife’s December birthday, figure out a way to get the deck stained before winter, and kill enough dust bunnies to change the bag on the vacuum once or twice. 

The “I Just Want To Have Fun Man” Man

If you’re the hippie dippie type of Master that wants to have fun and feel the competition, by all means enter the 2/3 Masters.  If you crack the top 3 before your left hip, you’ll win some great prizes.  If not, you’ll be trading wheels with fellow grey beards for 40 minutes straight. 

Masters Chore Score: 8 (Yes Honey, I’ll clean the fridge this weekend)

The “Bowling with the Champs” Man

95% of my readers under 35 and from outside Wisconsin just tuned out.  Growing up in Milwaukee in the late 70’s, when real men, not hipsters, with chunks of meat and blood on their work boots drank Pabst Blue Ribbon, there was a local live TV show called Bowling with the Champs.  Yeah, think Dancing with the Stars, only with bowling.  Equate Milwaukee to Belgium, South Side to Brussels and Bowling to Cyclocross and you get the picture.  The premise was, if you practiced hard enough, you, a cigarette smoking pitcher of beer drinking meat cutter from Wisconsin like my Dad, could share the South Side lanes at the Red Carpet Bolero with your bowling heroes. 

If this is you and your orthopedic insoles are putting a spring in your step over the barriers, race the 2/3 category but consider the occasional elite level Masters event where you can race with your cycling heroes like Katie Compton’s husband, but it’ll be, as my father used to say in his 40’s, for shits and grins.

Masters Chore Score: 6 (Oh crap, it’s garbage day!)

Elite Masters in Natural Habitat

The “Skunk Rubbin’ Man

At the top of the USA Cycling Ranks page the paragraph states, “Our revamped rankings program aims to provide increasingly accurate rankings using an innovative new algorithm emphasizing quality over quantity.”  Ganarf.  I don’t know what kind of NASA rocket scientists they have working on this project but its accuracy is worthy of a Nobel Prize, especially for me.

In college I took a course nicknamed “Math for Creatives.”  Consequently, I develop a turrets syndrome type tick when I read the word “algorithm.”  Ganarf.  While I can’t explain the buttons on a scientific calculator, my real world experience is that if you race against faster guys, such as in the combined Elite/Masters Elite field of OVCX, your USA cycling rank number will improve.  More or less, if you rub a skunk, the stink’s going to wear off on you. 

The hitch is that this number is basically useless, aside from one important fact.  Call-ups on the grid at Nationals are based on this number.  The lower the number goes, the higher your place on the grid, in January, in Madison, with 100 guys on the line.  Consequently, your chore score decreases dramatically the more you use the word “tabatas” to describe your training rides.  If you aspire to be competitive at Nationals and Worlds, consider springing for a coach, like Chris Mayhew at JBV, and rubbing skunks with Elite riders on Sunday.

Masters Chore Score: 2 (Honey Do Blues)

It’s NOT Dirty: Lapped While Lapping Another

The King of Justifying the Mediocre...Courtesy Karen WH

Like old latex sealant fermented and stewing in a year old tubular, getting lapped stinks.  There is, however, a shiny new bike bright side.  Ding!  For those sha-lacka-lacka-lacking their non-elite races and wondering about how’d they’d possibly be able to stomach struggling to stay on the lead lap in the next higher category, read on.  I am the king of justifying the mediocre!  Let me show you how to rationalize and make the most of the -1 next to your name.  

The Zero Principal:

For example, getting lapped by the leader but simultaneously lapping someone else cancels each other out.  -1 + 1 = zero.  Shazam!  You’re even, mathematically, on the lead lap (of your competition).  Think of it like being graded on a bell curve, drop the first and last rider and you passed!  Getting lapped while lapping someone else also sounds sort of dirty.

This year’s OVCX Elite field is way harder than it’s ever been.  As the PR guy for OVCX, I partly blame myself for this.  My freelance job for OVCX is to entice more people to dip their knobbies in the goodness of cross.  Consequently, my writing and riding talents counter each other.  The harder I race, the better I do.  The better I write, the worse I do. 

St. Mary’s Child Care Cross (OVCX #2) was a great example.  Looking at the results, friggin’ Chris Uberti raced cross yesterday.  Friggin’ Chris Uberti finished 19^th.  Pretty sure Friggin’ Chris Uberti is getting free pants because word on the street is he signed with Team Mountain Khakis last week.  Friggin’ Chris Uberti reads this blog.  Friggin’ coincidence?  I THINK NOT! 

What have I done and where are MY free pants? 

I finished 45th yesterday, sadly my “grey beard” racing age.  I also was lapped by the leader Josh Johnson.  Yet somehow I was able to text my wife after the race with the good news: 

“45^th out of like 70ish not too shabby, better than last week’s 53rd…only 1 guy (neo-pro) lapped me.  LOL.  Rode well.  Felt Good.  So good day in all.  Be home 8pish.  XOXO.”

The bright side of my race is that I finished 7 places higher than last week and I actually lapped someone else.  Sadly it was my own teammate, but whatever.  I’ll take it Brian.  You’re the ying to my yang. 

Aside from The Zero Principal there are other ways to rationalize getting lapped.

Mechanicals Count.  Courtesy Karen WH

The DNS Natty Natty Boo Boo Bonus:

Beating those that did not start (DNS) is a bonus.  According to USA Cycling I finished 45^th out of 60 starters.  In my book, counting the ten or so no shows it was more like 45^th out of 70.  I’m counting them because I had the nards to lie to my wife and say I'd be home at 8pm when it was more like 9pm, suck up my case of the cough & sniffles, ignore my laundry, postpone my obligations and got my butt to the startline.  If someone is a no-show, you automatically beat them.  Sadly, one of my teammates didn’t show.  There was some confusion as to our carpool plans and BioWheels Steven Gers ended up staying home.  While I missed his wry wit on the drive to Indy, in my head I was one rider ahead before I even left Cincinnati.  Ba bam!

The Joey’s Okay DNFinition:

Anyone who drops out of a race (DNF) due to a mechanical, illness or injury still counts as being behind you.  Cringe.  Offer a sympathetic “you okay dude,” then carve another notch in your carbon bars.  Joey’s okay…and you beat him.  You didn’t case the barriers, you didn’t take a stake to the knuckles, your bike was set up and working beautifully.  You’re soo awesome. 

A Touch of Grey Beards courtesy Karen WH

The Grey Beard Rule:

Sure you got lapped, but if the dudes that lapped you were in a different category, it doesn’t really count.  For example, if you’re racing Masters in a combined field with Elite racers, you’re not lapped until a Grey Beard passes you.  Technically I got lapped the first week of OVCX when Masters leader Fred Rose passed me.  Yesterday with only Neo-Pro Josh Johnson getting past me, I did not.  Same goes for categories.  If you’re a cat 3 and get lapped by Cat 1 and 2 riders, you’re still golden in my book. 

The Look Like A Leader Rule:

So you got lapped fair and square, say the top 7 guys in the field gave you the “leader back” shout.  Remember to the unsuspecting spectator, you look like you finished 8^th.  Look the part.  Zip up your jersey, put your hands in the drops and roar across the finish line and own it with confidence champ!  Next week you may only get lapped by one guy and look like you finished 2^nd!  

Pro CX Tips from Kaitlin Antonneau Clinic

“Who does the stutter step?”  Cannondale p/b CyclocrossWorld.com pro Kaitlin Antonneau asked the group of 30 women attending the Sunday, August 26^th clinic at Cincinnati’s Kings CX venue.  A few raised their hands.  A stutter step is a momentum sapping quick foot shuffle just before remounting the bike.  Kaitlin demonstrated how to remount the bike without doing the stutter step.  As a learning tool, “I tell people to keep the left foot planted on the ground” until the right leg is over the saddle, she added.  As the group practiced on a small loop, you could see the attendees become more fluid each time around.

“Kaitlin is very relatable,” organizer Corey Green of Cincinnati Cyclocross said as he gathered the lunch orders, “especially for the juniors.”  Some pros can be intimidating, not Kaitlin.  She’s not super tall.  She’s petite with a matching young squeak to her voice.  Even behind her pro kit and dark matching glasses she’s very approachable.  The girls opened up with Kaitlin, unafraid to ask questions.  When Kaitlin demonstrated a shoulder carry, one attendee asked, “Wait a minute.  Where did you grab the bike?”  She did it in slo-mo, twice.  Standing in place, about half the group grabbed their bikes from the down tube, set it on their shoulders and snaked their arm under to grab their handlebars. 

Most importantly, Kaitlin gave them confidence.   Most will race at the same venue in the OVCX series this fall.  As the women practiced hill carries, riding through sand and dismounts/remounts, Kaitlin scanned the group and gave individual guidance where needed.  After each break-out practice session she gathered the group for a discussion. 

Here are a few tips I gleaned from the clinic:

1: When riding into a steep hill (long sand or mud) that’s going to force a dismount, Kaitlin advises to get off the bike before it looses momentum.  Maintaining forward momentum is key.

2: Kaitlin said not to follow someone else’s line into sand, saying it’s too unpredictable.  While in some pro races competitors will work together to carve a clear and rideable line in the sand, the practice is rare in the lower categories.  Kaitlin demonstrated to hit the sand fast, stay light on the front end, pedal and hover. 

3: If you have to dismount and run a long distance up stairs, through mud or sand, Kaitlin says the shoulder carry allows you to run more effectively.

Next up, National Champion Jeremy Powers (Rapha-Focus) visits Cincinnati September 1^st and 2^nd for a free cross talk on Saturday and a clinic presented by JBV and Fulcrum Coaching on Sunday.  Spots are still available.  Details and registration at BikeReg.com.

OVCX 2012 Schedule: Ohio Valley to Worlds

Series Art by James Billiter

With the UCI Elite and Masters World Championships coming to Louisville Jan/Feb 2013, organizers of the 9th Annual Zipp OVCX Series are proud to announce an exciting, expanded schedule for 2012.  (See schedule below or at OVCX.com.)

This year's OVCX encompasses 13 events that tour through the cyclocross scenes of Indianapolis, Bloomington, Dayton, Lexington, Cincinnati and Louisville.  Kicking off September 16th, this year’s OVCX series begins with Huber's Apple Cross in Starlight, IN - just north of Louisville. The series winds up 3 months later in mid-December with the series finale at the Major Taylor Velodrome in Indianapolis.


The schedule offers pockets for area USGP events and a great springboard for those with aspirations for the Chicago CX Cup, Nationals, Kings Invitational and Worlds in January.  Those dates also listed below.

The Cincy3 Cyclocross Festival makes its return to the OVCX series with Devou Park, Harbin Park, and the new Saturday night Elite/Pro races under the lights at Kings CX.  8 other venues link the cities of Dayton and Cincinnati in Ohio, Indianapolis and Bloomington in Indiana, and Louisville and Lexington in Kentucky.  The geographic layout of the series puts most venues within an easy two hour drive for most participants. 

Racers Battle the Mud at Kings CX Cincinnati

The 2012 series aims to be more work, family and travel friendly.  (See video at right or click here.)  Aside from the Cincy3 weekend, participants will see only one race per weekend on the schedule.  As in previous years, your best seven races count toward the series overall title making it easy to compete and have fun.  The OVCX series is committed to being a vehicle in developing young talent and will again offer numerous categories for juniors aged 10 to 18 and an under 19 category in elite races.  Chip timing will be again at each event to provide quick results and submission to USA Cycling for national ranking points.  Full series rules and categories will be posted to OVCX.com by mid-June.

So get your gear and cowbells warmed up and ready - we're in for a season to remember!

2012 OVCX Calendar:

Date:       Venue                                         Location                     

Sept 16    Huber's Apple Cross (NEW!)       Louisville       

Sept 30    St. Mary’s Cyclocross                  Indianapolis

Oct 7       Midwest Outdoor Exp. (Gearfest) Dayton                       

Oct 14     Gun Club Cross                            Cincinnati                   

Oct 21     Bloomingcross                              Bloomington  

Oct 28     Storm the Greens                          Louisville                   

Nov 2      Cincy3 (Devou, Kings, Harbin)     Cincinnati                   

Nov 18    Promotion Cross                           Lexington                   

Nov 25    Brookside Cup                              Indianapolis               

Dec 9      Buckingham Financial John Bryan   Dayton           

Dec 16    Major Taylor Velodrome (NEW)   Indianapolis    


NON OVCX Dates To Note:
Sept 8    Lionhearts CX                                Cincinnati
Sept 15  Hubers Apple CX Day 1                Louisville
Sept 22  USGP Madison Day 1                   Madison, WI
Sept 23  USGP Madison Day 2                   Madison, WI
Nov 10  USGP Louisville Day 1                   Louisville
Nov 11  USGP Louisville Day 2                   Louisville
Jan 5      Chicago CX Cup Day 1                 Chicago, IL
Jan 6      Chicago CX Cup Day 2                 Chicago, IL
1/10-13 National Championships                 Madison, WI
Jan 26    Kings CX Invitational UCI             Cincinnati
1/30-2/3 World Championships                   Louisville

#Cyclocross Pitting For Dummies

Where's my bike? (Joel Quimby Photography)

They call it the credit card, when the rear wheel gets slid through a rider’s rear end on a botched cyclocross pit exchange.  It’s the dreaded remount bobble, caused mainly by having a drunken person pitting for you.  It was the biggest mistake I saw in the pits at the muddy Kings CX race on Sunday.  The 2^nd biggest mistake was seeing riders pull in the pit looking as if their car was stolen from the mall parking lot, only to realize their pit crew was still on the opposite side of the pit Tweeting about how great their rider was doing in the race.  Contrary to popular whining, no matter how many middle fingers get thrown between riders and their pit person, the rider is ultimately responsible for everything that goes wrong in their pit.

If you’re going to put a dummy in the pit for you, the best thing you can do is realize that they’d rather be back at the hospitality tent checking Sunday football scores or shopping for pretty shoes on their smartphone.  Outside of actually finding someone who has a fetish for rain gear and mud or someone with a vested interest in how well you do in the race, the second best thing you can do is prepare them.  Realize the dummies in your pit crew are only as good as your instructions and how much Chipotle you bribe them with. 

"A yuk-yuk.  Sure I'll pit for y'all!"

Outfitting Your Pit Dummy

Unless they wear as much latex as Lady Gaga, don’t count on your pit dummy to come prepared to be wet.  Bring the following for your dummy:  a pair of rain pants with belt or suspenders (because for some reason rain pants are only available in Paul Bunyan size), long johns, a sweatshirt, rubber boots, rain jacket, hat and waterproof gloves.  If you’re really smart, you’ll give them a team hat so they feel like part of the team and you can pick them apart from the 40 other people wearing yellow jackets in the pit.  Plus, if you pack a spare backpack with all this stuff and carry around a giant burrito wrapped in tin foil, you can raise your CX scepter and appoint any gap-toothed weirdo your pit dummy. 

All Hail The Conical Brush

Tools for Dummies:

Unless you’re shacking up with someone with perpetually grease packed finger nails, chances are your dummy is no mechanic and thinks an Allen wrench set looks identical to a set of measuring spoons.  Do not trust a pit dummy with unfamiliar tools.  The cassette brush will be challenging enough.  Give them the basics: a bottle of lube, a few rags, a bucket, a bottle of dish detergent, a chain/cassette brush and a conical brush.  Tell them if something is mechanically wrong with the bike to take it to the neutral support guy under the tent with the tools and bike stand and repeat exactly what you shouted at him when you dropped it off. 

Clean BioWheels Exchange (Joel Quimby Photography)

The Most Important Thing:

Tell your pit dummy that the most important thing is not cleaning the bike.  It’s not catching your dirty bike, getting the bike back to you in a ½ lap, lubing the chain, or other mind numbing details like making sure your drive side pedal is in the 2 o’clock position when you get on the bike.  The most important thing while pitting is making sure you go to the bathroom before the race starts.  The 2^nd most important thing is …say it with me…making sure the rider mounts the new bike smoothly.  Nothing else matters as much as you getting cleanly on the clean bike and out of the pit.  Show them how to hold your spare bike correctly and practice an exchange or two.  See “The Hand Off” for dummies below.

The Pit Signal (Joel Quimby Photography)

Communicate:

Tell your pit dummy to take mental note of the riders in front of you, so they have an idea when you are due in.  Tell them you’ll most likely be in the top 10 riders, or in my case, the one wheezing like a donkey mid pack.  Explain that on each lap you’ll pass by the pit twice, once on each side.  Since lap times are about eight minutes, you’ll pass by the pit about every four minutes.  Tell your dummy, you’ll raise a hand in the air a turn or two before pitting which is a signal that you need a clean bike.  Tell them to wave back or shout “ready” when they see your hand.  Tell them, if you don’t get confirmation you won’t come into the pit. 

The Pits (Joel Quimby Photography)

Claim Your Pit Home:

With the bucket, your bin of rags, tools and brushes, along with the spare bike or wheels, stake out an area of the pit with your dummy to call home prior to the race.  If you’re lucky, you’ll set them up next to a friend maybe with a stick of beef jerky and a flask of bourbon, or perhaps a granola bar and a can of soda.  Put some dish detergent in the bucket and fill it up with the pressure washer.  This is a perfect opportunity to show them how to operate it…the pressure washer not the bucket. 

Clean Hand Off (Joel Quimby Photography)

The Pitting for Dummies Routine:

Tell your dummy to clean your bike the same way every time.  Upon seeing you off, they should quickly take the dirty bike back to your place in the pit.  Other riders are coming in and it’s very important to get off pit road as quickly as possible.  To save your pit dummy from trying to figure out your gearing, before you come into the pit shift into the gear you wish to have when you pick it back up.  Then tell your pit dummy not to mess with the gears.

1 DECHUNKIFY.  Using the conical brush, dip it in the soapy water and run it above and below each brake shoe front and back.  Then, run it through the bottom bracket area between the wheel and frame and between the crank arms and frame.  Then knock the big chunks of mud off the frame.  If there’s time, they can clean their ears with it.  If the brush goes in one ear and out the other, you have a perfect pit dummy.  Done: 30 seconds.

2 POWERWASH.  Since the bulk of the debris was knocked off with the brush, time at the power washer should be minimized.  Since most pit dummies don’t understand the laws of gravity and jet propelled water, tell them to wash the bike top down: saddle, bars, top tube, down tube, seat tube, brakes, wheels/tires, bottom bracket, rear derailleur & pullies.  Done: 1 minute.

3 BRUSH DRIVETRAIN: Facing the rear of the bike on the drive side, supporting the bike with the right hip, use the smaller brush to get the debris out from in between the front gears and rear wheel gears.  Believe me, explaining the difference between chainrings and cassette cogs is like explaining Skype to your grandmother.  Spinning the pedals backward while brushing works well.  Then work to remove the stuff from the derailleur pullies, also known as that thing the chain snakes through on the back of the frame.  Done: 45 seconds.

4 LUBE CHAIN:  Still in the same position, spin the cranks backward and squirt lube on the chain as it spins.  Tell them to do it exactly like they did on their Huffy when they were 11 years old.  Done: 15 seconds.

5 RETURN: Take a rag, head to the opposite side of the pit the bike was picked up at and look for the rider.   With the rag quickly wipe the bars, saddle and shifter levers.  Time permitting, pick any loose leaves or grass still in the brakes or drive train.  Watch for the raised hand from the rider and signal and call out “ready” when you see it.   To alert others in the pit, have your pit dummy shout “rider up” when you are a turn away from coming in to the pit.

One Man Pit Crew (Joel Quimby Photography)

The Exchange:

I saw 10 year olds catch bikes perfectly Sunday.  Any dufus can do it.  You know who else is great at catching bikes?  The ground.  Once again, say it with me, the most important part of the bike exchange is…yes, going to the bathroom before the race.  The 2^nd most important thing is getting the rider cleanly on the clean bike.  Let the dirty bike fall into the grass if need be.  Tell your pit dummy to ask someone nearby to catch your bike when you come in.  If that’s not possible, they can do it solo. 

Whoever’s catching the bike, should stick their left hand out at handlebar height toward the rider coming in, look them dead in the eye and say “your mama was right, you are ugly.”  No really they should say something to the effect of “Right here Dude.  I got it!”  That way there’s no confusion on where the bike is going.  If they’re doing double duty, catching and handing off, it’s not so much a catch as a slowing down and gentle deflection of the dirty bike to the ground with your left hand.  The pit dummies main focus should be on making sure the clean bike is ready for the hand-off. 

Two Hands Two Bikes (Joel Quimby Photography)

The Handoff. 

There are ways the pros do it, but there is only one way your dummy should do it, with the most minimal involvement possible.  Tell them to position the clean bike over the pit line, angled toward the best exit to the pit with the handlebars pointing forward.  The drive side pedal should be up and forward at around the 2 or 3 o’clock position.  Tell them to hold on to the bike’s saddle with their right hand at the rear edge on the drive side and not let go until you pull the bike away from them.  Repeat this to them.  Assure them there’s no need to hold the handle bars.  The fewer interfaces with your pit dummy and your bike the better.  This way when you grab the bars, the bike gets pulled from their grip and you’re on your way in the best direction.  

They should not push you.  While it works in bobsledding, the guy in the blue shirt with the USAC badge frowns upon riders getting an unfair advantage.  He also frowns at just about everything.  The last thing you want to do is get DQ’d because your pit dummy is a dummy.  Secondly, pushing a rider off essentially hogs the limited space on pit road by putting yourself in front of other rider’s pit crews.  Lastly adding extra arms, legs and heads around the bike is a recipe for throwing the rider off balance and making for a bobbled transition.  Let the rider make the mistakes.  A pit person should be a dummy.

Like Plinko On Wheels #OVCX #KingsCX

Choose Handups Wisely (by Chris Jones)

You ever wonder what it’s like when a gust of wind blows up while teetering on tight rope between skyscrapers, to drive 100mph down a black iced winter Wisconsin freeway, to cut your regulator hose 35 feet under while scuba diving?  The acrobat grips the wire between his toes gently holding the balancing pole.  The rally car driver nearly spins off the road still gripping the steering wheel and finessing the parking brake.  The diver always knows which way is up.  At the bottom of a mud covered off camber hill at the Kings CX OVCX finale I slipped to a stop with both feet engaged to the pedals and my hands on the bars.  Until my shifter and pedal anchored me to a stop, “I got this,” I thought. 

Me on Heckle Hill (Photo: Karen Wells Hamilton)

What makes cyclocross so different from road, track, bmx or mountain biking is that in a muddy race, you’re not certain of the exit.  It’s like Plinko, the game on TV’s The Price Is Right where you drop a disc down a peg board and it randomly pops out at the bottom making you a winner or a loser.  In the one hour race yesterday, I can’t count the times I went into a muddy section, only to exit 3 feet to the left or 4 feet to the right.  Sometimes the same trusted rut would shrug me a different direction each time through.  Still I blindly drive my bike into the muck at full-tilt fully expecting to be head up and rubber down on the doormat sized piece of solid ground on the other side.  Suddenly my opening analogy doesn’t seem so ridiculous.

HeckleOnline.com Monster

Turning right, the front wheel slid away as fast as Herman Cain’s hopes for the presidency, down the hill to the left.  Naturally through my experience in Wisconsin winter driving, I steered left into the slide.  It hooked up.  For .32 seconds I had it, then lost it as fast.  It was like a hydroplaning track stand.  I got this, until PAFFF!  I pancaked into the hill.  I still wasn’t done moving.  Like falling off that skyscraper, with my hand clawing the ledge, feverishly swimming to the surface, seeing the road that was in front of me in the rear-view, I distinctly remember riders going by above me, at least four if not five.  

Peter Hills (Photo: Karen Wells Hamilton)

I could’ve whipped out my phone and had a pizza delivered to the pit in the time it took my butt to grind to a halt.  I could’ve made an OVCX series winner’s mug out of the mud.  I could’ve married and divorced Kim Kardashian in the time it took to fall, slide and stop.  From the pit, I’m sure it looked like another one of a hundred slips du jour.  It was.  Everyone who fell, thought, “I got this!”  Until…they didn’t.


Early Kings CX Day 2 Video featuring Heckle Hill

Kings CX Weekend - Day 2 Highlights from Corey Green on Vimeo.