Stale Fish: The Masters Wreck at Derby City

Artwork Courtesy of James Billiter

I covered my eyes.  I’m certain that’s where the realization set in that my friend and teammate may be paralyzed.  I paced.  I rested my head in my arms along the course fencing of the start/finish straight.  Little clips trickled into my ears.   “I’m a doctor.”  “He’s complaining he can’t feel…”  I didn’t catch the rest.  Emotion overcame me.  I spotted teammate Gerri on the other side of the course.  We had a good weepy hug as the EMT’s carefully went to work. 

Nate was stale fish on the ground.  They already had a collar around his neck.  I looked back, with his arms at his side, his legs shook.  Shock I presumed.  Fuck man, just fuck.  I wasn’t angry.  I feared the worst.  I didn’t want to make that phone call.  Someone handed me his glasses.  I snagged his Garmin off his bike and tucked both in my jersey pocket.  Gerri helped getting a plan together.  I hopped on my bike with inoperable brakes and coasted back to the start to collect my grid bag and thoughts.

As of this Monday morning, Nate spent the night at U of L Hospital.  An MRI showed a fractured vertebra in his upper spine.  Thankfully, he can move all his parts.  He was alert, coherent and concerned about his bike.  Despite complaining of intense shoulder pain, the news sounded somewhat positive.  Granted the possibility of surgery and rehab still looms, at the moment it appears our buddy Nate escaped the most serious of injuries.  Looking at his bike and helmet, it looks as if he sprinted into a wall at 30mph.  When I put the bike on my roof rack, the drivetrain was in the 53x17 gear. 

Derby City Cup Masters Wreck 1 by Kent Baumgardt

I saw the wreck unfold firsthand.  Despite the ruckus over the large mixed fields at the MudFund Derby City Cup, I don’t think those things had anything to do with it.  It was the simplest thing really.  A rider hooked a wheel at the front which cascaded into a chain reaction full-gas pile up. 

I personally knew 90% of the riders in the first four rows, and at least two more rows behind me.  Look at the call up list for Wave 6.  Granted not everyone on the list started, but all of those guys at the front, masters and juniors, are good riders.  Most of them I’d equate with sticklers for etiquette.  They know to hold a line and not to make unpredictable moves.  With the callups based on points, at least the first 8 rows were sorted by speed.  Additionally, throughout the last two weekends with Cincy3, every junior I raced with passed cleanly.  Between a bunch of USGP’s and Worlds, most of these guys have done this same long paved Louisville start at least 10 times.

Derby City Cup Masters Wreck 2 by Kent Baumgardt

Based on Saturday’s start, the first few hundred meters of the course were key for position in the race.  Everybody on that start grid knew we had a long paved start, a soft curve onto a long downhill straightaway.  From there, the course made a huge soft left hand U-turn before getting into the first pinch point on the course.  We all knew the position you held going into the first chicane was more or less within a few riders you’d have up the steps, through the first sand and over the flyover before you’d have another big chance to make passes.  Still I don’t think the speed at the start or the jostling for position in the first few hundred meters of the course was unusual or overly aggressive.  Yesterday, the wreck happened not much more than 120 meters or so from the grid, 3 or 4 shifts, and a mere 10-15 seconds into the race.      

Derby City Cup Masters Wreck 3 by Kent Baumgardt

I cannot say it was a bonehead move.  Someone hooked a wheel.  Only the rider who hooked the wheel in front of him knows the circumstances.  Maybe the rider in front hit a crack in the pavement or a rock.  Maybe that rider came out of a pedal or his hand slipped off his bars.  From what I remember seeing, the hook was subtle.  It was not a big sweeping move from right to left, more a matter of inches.  The wreck happened before the announcer’s trailer, way before the bend to the left and onto the grass.  I don’t know if the rider in front slowed, moved right or if there was something unseen that happened miliseconds before it caught my eye.  Regardless, two riders made contact.  The rider in back went down.  I don’t recall seeing the front rider go down. 

Front end of Nate's bike caved in

I started on the middle of the 4^th row.  My BioWheels teammate Mike was 3^rd row and to my left.  My teammate Steven was a row behind and to my left.  Nate, registering late, had a 92^nd call up.  With some no shows, I’m unsure of where he lined up on the grid.  In front of us was a who’s-who of the region’s top masters and a handful of seasoned juniors. 

At the whistle, a rider in front of me was a little slower off the grid, nothing unusual.  That held me up for a fraction of a second.  I got around on the right.  Clicking through gears, I remember seeing the two sides of the front open up.  The middle held more traffic.  Feeling the flow of the race drift to the left, I was now out of the saddle sprinting maybe just left of center. 

I saw the hook slightly ahead of me and just to my left.  A rider in front moved slight right to left and snagged the wheel in front of him.  I honestly can’t recall even a jersey color and would rather not speculate.  As he fell to the left, he went into someone else coming up from behind.  Those two went down and collected a 3^rd rider.  Three riders and bikes slid across the pavement in front of me.

Chris King Headset Cracked

You make split second decisions.  I was sort of boxed and heading straight for them.  At this speed, likely close to 28mph, there was no way I could change my line fast enough to avoid them and not take out guys on either side.  I threw my weight back, braked and aimed for the least obstructed part of the pile, the rear end of a bike in my path.  I didn’t make it.  I fell down on the other riders with my left side.  My bike rolled up and over.  I tried to curl up in a ball and cover my face.  The rider next to me did the same, hidden under a cage of frames.

Then the impacts came, seemingly endless, one by one.  Oof.  Ugh.  I caught a glimpse of Nate’s kit on my right.  Mmmph.  Ugh.  The weight of people on top of me compounded.  I heard a young man scream out.  Frames dug into my hip and body.  They just kept coming, hitting, landing, rolling over.  I worried about being crushed.  Boom.  Bam.  I could hear the crowd gasp.  My teammates Steven and Mike, starting more to the left, avoided the serious wreck, but got caught up in the course fencing.  Both got free and continued racing.

Crack halfway through downtube at BB

Then the bodies stopped falling on me.  With the clop of bike shoes on pavement, riders scrambled to pull tangled bikes off the top.  I shouted at someone, “Hey!  Hey!  Be careful.”  A call went out for medical.  I could see my shifter stuck in someone’s wheel.  As far as we knew, the race was still on.  From the ground, I helped to untie the bikes.  The weight was still heavy.  I just wanted to get out from under as quick as possible.  It was freaking me out.

It seemed like minutes passed, but I’m sure it was only seconds.  I was able to wriggle out from underneath.  Nate still lay on his back, I think propped half on top of a bike.  I found my bike along the fence.  The rear wheel had come out of the drops.  I fixed that, but couldn’t reattach the brake cables.  My front brake pads were stuck under the lip of the rim.  I was done.  That’s when I turned to see Nate.  The sight made me sick with worry.  I couldn’t leave him. 

While Nate does have insurance, copays and deductibles for a serious visit to the ER probably wasn’t in the fall budget.  Not to mention, his custom Indy Fab Planet X is ruined.  A fund has been set up to help him out.  I’m sure he’d appreciate your generosity.  Click here for more information.

Joe Bellante

Update as of 3pm 11/11 from Anna: "Final X-rays came back and no serious damage to any of the discs. A lot of ligament damage so he will be in a neck brace for awhile until that heals. Won't be going home yet today but hoping tomorrow. No surgery!!!!! Very happy. We want to thank all of you soooo much for all you are doing. We got the best friends in the world and so proud to be part of the amazing cycling community."

#DeathMarch Planning Questions

Last Year Was A Blast-Story Here

For those that think they have a good route planned out for the Sub 9 Death March and are seemingly prepared, here are a few questions you should absolutely have an answer to before you clip in.

At the holeshot, are you turning left or right?

What about your teammate?

Are you sure that road marked on your map is an actual physical honest to goodness road?

Is that bridge physically crossable or a relic of an aged NASA Satellite photo?

What’s the elevation change between Camp and Hanner Cemetary?

How many valleys will you cross on your way to Lutes?

Are toe spikes a good idea or too much weight?

How are you going to wear toe spikes and shoe covers at the same time silly?

Have you every tried to read a map while riding a gravel road at 25 mph?


Shirley, you can't be serious?


Are you comfortable riding your bike under water?


Is there a compartment for a snorkel in your Hydrapak?

True or False:  Some of the gravel roads would be more stable under your wheels if they were paved 6 inches deep with marbles set in butter.

And, which roads are those?

Are you going up or down them?

If last year’s winning team from DRT spent 4 ½ Hours on their bikes and this year the promoters added a cemetery which is pretty dang far to the east which will no doubt extend saddle time, where and when do you plan on refilling your water?

Should you drink water from a cemetery well?

What time does the sun set?

Is your cell phone’s camera memory close to being full?

Do you know what happens to a paper map in your jersey pocket 5 hours into a ride?

Do you know what happens to the same map after riding through countless creeks?

Are the Garmin and Google maps of Hoosier National Forest as up to date as their map of 

New York City, or are they as old as the farm roads that once criss-crossed the area?

Have you seen the Sprint cell phone coverage map of the area?

So, you're certain your phone's mapping app will be functional?


By the way, have you ever climbed a cell phone tower?

You may not be afraid of heights, but are you may afraid of climbing a Fire Tower which feels like it has the same pieces and stability of a 6 year old’s erector set project?

True or False: Trailheads in Hoosier National Forest are marked with a nice big well painted signs and arrows like the tourist trail to Mt. Rushmore?

If you let the weeds in your driveway grow for 60 years, could you still call it a driveway?

Have you planned your route to Callahan cemetery on the map?

So, when you looked at the Google map you saw Callahan’s tombstones and an adjacent trail together?

You really don’t know where Callahan is, do you?

Multiple Choice: In the pouring rain, what is faster in and out of Callahan?  A horse trail  B) A fresh gravel road  C) A Hard Packed Gravel Road  D) Pavement E) We should really have a Plan B.

Monday Travel Day #cxnats

4 Runner loaded to bear

Monday is a travel day and a day to recharge a bit after a couple hard races in Chicago. There were a lot of expectations for Chicago, but racing in the same nasty mud conditions we had the last couple OVCX races was a surprise and the kids needed some time to recharge.

So we loaded up the truck and headed to Verona. Hills that is. Gravel climbs, icy descents.

Surprisingly I got two teenage kids out of bed at 8:00 am, had breakfast, packed the car, loaded up the bikes, and out the door on our way to Madison by 11:00 am. Dad’s always have schedules and times we expect to get things done by, but rarely do dad’s plans meet up square with teenage productivity. Somehow today we did it.

Starched flags the whole way up

Once we got on the road we were glad we had plenty of time to get up to Madison. We were greeted by temps in the upper teens and a head wind all the way in the low 20’s mph range. Normally this is a touch annoying, but today we have the Thule Mountaineer rooftop box (big enough to be a coffin for a 6’ 5” guy), two bikes on the roof, and four bikes hanging off the hitch. A 20 mph head wind was like riding a TT bike with an Zipp 808 front wheel and a disk rear wheel and being adamant that you had to stay in the aero bars – you know you are going to get bounced, you just never know when and spend a lot of energy steering into the cross.

We drove a leisurely pace, thanking the Illinois department of highways along the way for raising the tolls on January 1^st. The tolls on I-90 north of Chicago to Wisconsin now takes $3 a shot. Adding up the tolls and their increased price from south of Chicago all the way to the Wisconsin border it will now cost $20 just to pass through Chicago. My first thought was “DAMN!”, but then I started thinking…if we want people to think about driving every place at any time this is the way to do it. If it was going to cost me a Jackson a day to drive to work just in tolls, you can bet I would be thinking about alternatives to driving my car.

Verona-Still Work To Do

We drove into Verona and headed to Badger Prairie County Park and immediately noticed one thing: ice. Ice on the driveway into the park, ice on the course, ice in a lot of places. Immediately we talked about Bend in 2010 and the ice time trial we had to ride there. When comparing conditions side by side there was no comparison. The ice at Bend was way, WAY worse than anything we just saw in Verona. The ice in Bend was so thick that there were ruts in the ice, and it really never went away. The ice in Verona will go away with a little salt and some reasonable temperatures.  (Jan 2nd Course Preview Video courtesy You Tube/Ted C Burns/CX Magazine.)

After hitting up a Chipotle in Middleton, WI (the McDonald’s of cross racers) we hit up our hotel and started to get settled. And by settled I mean the kids went played in the pool while I washed six bikes and 3 additional wheelsets in the shower. When we finished in Chicago the mud was sticking to the bikes and on top of that freezing to the bikes. As a result of the freezing temps we didn’t want to wash them outside in Chicago – last thing I needed was water getting in sealed bearings, freezing, expanding and having to run to bikes shops collecting bearing replacements. So I channeled my inner Dusty Labar and soiled the shower.

Now the bikes are clean, the kids are refreshed, and we have all ridden on trainers on the hotel to shake out the legs after yesterdays beating in Chicago. Tomorrow we start our quest to learn, prepare and compete in Nationals – look for insights on the course and tires in tomorrow edition. We will try to get reviews of the current conditions utilizing the following tires:

Tubular:

- Vittoria XG (almost exactly same as Challenge Grifo)

- Vittoria XM

- Vittoria XN

- Challenge Limus

- Clement PDX

Clincher:

- Clement PDX

- Clement LAS

I have also included a few fun photos below. Teenagers are fun, interesting, and perplexing to travel with – they are so easily distracted by normal every day items.

Occupado! Sorry kids, can't use the toilet right now

Pretty nice hotel pool, even has life guards

Hotel with bunk beds? There were fights over the top bunk

I found them in the closet playing with the hotel safe.
Seriously, I did not stage this.

#Cyclocross Pitting For Dummies

Where's my bike? (Joel Quimby Photography)

They call it the credit card, when the rear wheel gets slid through a rider’s rear end on a botched cyclocross pit exchange.  It’s the dreaded remount bobble, caused mainly by having a drunken person pitting for you.  It was the biggest mistake I saw in the pits at the muddy Kings CX race on Sunday.  The 2^nd biggest mistake was seeing riders pull in the pit looking as if their car was stolen from the mall parking lot, only to realize their pit crew was still on the opposite side of the pit Tweeting about how great their rider was doing in the race.  Contrary to popular whining, no matter how many middle fingers get thrown between riders and their pit person, the rider is ultimately responsible for everything that goes wrong in their pit.

If you’re going to put a dummy in the pit for you, the best thing you can do is realize that they’d rather be back at the hospitality tent checking Sunday football scores or shopping for pretty shoes on their smartphone.  Outside of actually finding someone who has a fetish for rain gear and mud or someone with a vested interest in how well you do in the race, the second best thing you can do is prepare them.  Realize the dummies in your pit crew are only as good as your instructions and how much Chipotle you bribe them with. 

"A yuk-yuk.  Sure I'll pit for y'all!"

Outfitting Your Pit Dummy

Unless they wear as much latex as Lady Gaga, don’t count on your pit dummy to come prepared to be wet.  Bring the following for your dummy:  a pair of rain pants with belt or suspenders (because for some reason rain pants are only available in Paul Bunyan size), long johns, a sweatshirt, rubber boots, rain jacket, hat and waterproof gloves.  If you’re really smart, you’ll give them a team hat so they feel like part of the team and you can pick them apart from the 40 other people wearing yellow jackets in the pit.  Plus, if you pack a spare backpack with all this stuff and carry around a giant burrito wrapped in tin foil, you can raise your CX scepter and appoint any gap-toothed weirdo your pit dummy. 

All Hail The Conical Brush

Tools for Dummies:

Unless you’re shacking up with someone with perpetually grease packed finger nails, chances are your dummy is no mechanic and thinks an Allen wrench set looks identical to a set of measuring spoons.  Do not trust a pit dummy with unfamiliar tools.  The cassette brush will be challenging enough.  Give them the basics: a bottle of lube, a few rags, a bucket, a bottle of dish detergent, a chain/cassette brush and a conical brush.  Tell them if something is mechanically wrong with the bike to take it to the neutral support guy under the tent with the tools and bike stand and repeat exactly what you shouted at him when you dropped it off. 

Clean BioWheels Exchange (Joel Quimby Photography)

The Most Important Thing:

Tell your pit dummy that the most important thing is not cleaning the bike.  It’s not catching your dirty bike, getting the bike back to you in a ½ lap, lubing the chain, or other mind numbing details like making sure your drive side pedal is in the 2 o’clock position when you get on the bike.  The most important thing while pitting is making sure you go to the bathroom before the race starts.  The 2^nd most important thing is …say it with me…making sure the rider mounts the new bike smoothly.  Nothing else matters as much as you getting cleanly on the clean bike and out of the pit.  Show them how to hold your spare bike correctly and practice an exchange or two.  See “The Hand Off” for dummies below.

The Pit Signal (Joel Quimby Photography)

Communicate:

Tell your pit dummy to take mental note of the riders in front of you, so they have an idea when you are due in.  Tell them you’ll most likely be in the top 10 riders, or in my case, the one wheezing like a donkey mid pack.  Explain that on each lap you’ll pass by the pit twice, once on each side.  Since lap times are about eight minutes, you’ll pass by the pit about every four minutes.  Tell your dummy, you’ll raise a hand in the air a turn or two before pitting which is a signal that you need a clean bike.  Tell them to wave back or shout “ready” when they see your hand.  Tell them, if you don’t get confirmation you won’t come into the pit. 

The Pits (Joel Quimby Photography)

Claim Your Pit Home:

With the bucket, your bin of rags, tools and brushes, along with the spare bike or wheels, stake out an area of the pit with your dummy to call home prior to the race.  If you’re lucky, you’ll set them up next to a friend maybe with a stick of beef jerky and a flask of bourbon, or perhaps a granola bar and a can of soda.  Put some dish detergent in the bucket and fill it up with the pressure washer.  This is a perfect opportunity to show them how to operate it…the pressure washer not the bucket. 

Clean Hand Off (Joel Quimby Photography)

The Pitting for Dummies Routine:

Tell your dummy to clean your bike the same way every time.  Upon seeing you off, they should quickly take the dirty bike back to your place in the pit.  Other riders are coming in and it’s very important to get off pit road as quickly as possible.  To save your pit dummy from trying to figure out your gearing, before you come into the pit shift into the gear you wish to have when you pick it back up.  Then tell your pit dummy not to mess with the gears.

1 DECHUNKIFY.  Using the conical brush, dip it in the soapy water and run it above and below each brake shoe front and back.  Then, run it through the bottom bracket area between the wheel and frame and between the crank arms and frame.  Then knock the big chunks of mud off the frame.  If there’s time, they can clean their ears with it.  If the brush goes in one ear and out the other, you have a perfect pit dummy.  Done: 30 seconds.

2 POWERWASH.  Since the bulk of the debris was knocked off with the brush, time at the power washer should be minimized.  Since most pit dummies don’t understand the laws of gravity and jet propelled water, tell them to wash the bike top down: saddle, bars, top tube, down tube, seat tube, brakes, wheels/tires, bottom bracket, rear derailleur & pullies.  Done: 1 minute.

3 BRUSH DRIVETRAIN: Facing the rear of the bike on the drive side, supporting the bike with the right hip, use the smaller brush to get the debris out from in between the front gears and rear wheel gears.  Believe me, explaining the difference between chainrings and cassette cogs is like explaining Skype to your grandmother.  Spinning the pedals backward while brushing works well.  Then work to remove the stuff from the derailleur pullies, also known as that thing the chain snakes through on the back of the frame.  Done: 45 seconds.

4 LUBE CHAIN:  Still in the same position, spin the cranks backward and squirt lube on the chain as it spins.  Tell them to do it exactly like they did on their Huffy when they were 11 years old.  Done: 15 seconds.

5 RETURN: Take a rag, head to the opposite side of the pit the bike was picked up at and look for the rider.   With the rag quickly wipe the bars, saddle and shifter levers.  Time permitting, pick any loose leaves or grass still in the brakes or drive train.  Watch for the raised hand from the rider and signal and call out “ready” when you see it.   To alert others in the pit, have your pit dummy shout “rider up” when you are a turn away from coming in to the pit.

One Man Pit Crew (Joel Quimby Photography)

The Exchange:

I saw 10 year olds catch bikes perfectly Sunday.  Any dufus can do it.  You know who else is great at catching bikes?  The ground.  Once again, say it with me, the most important part of the bike exchange is…yes, going to the bathroom before the race.  The 2^nd most important thing is getting the rider cleanly on the clean bike.  Let the dirty bike fall into the grass if need be.  Tell your pit dummy to ask someone nearby to catch your bike when you come in.  If that’s not possible, they can do it solo. 

Whoever’s catching the bike, should stick their left hand out at handlebar height toward the rider coming in, look them dead in the eye and say “your mama was right, you are ugly.”  No really they should say something to the effect of “Right here Dude.  I got it!”  That way there’s no confusion on where the bike is going.  If they’re doing double duty, catching and handing off, it’s not so much a catch as a slowing down and gentle deflection of the dirty bike to the ground with your left hand.  The pit dummies main focus should be on making sure the clean bike is ready for the hand-off. 

Two Hands Two Bikes (Joel Quimby Photography)

The Handoff. 

There are ways the pros do it, but there is only one way your dummy should do it, with the most minimal involvement possible.  Tell them to position the clean bike over the pit line, angled toward the best exit to the pit with the handlebars pointing forward.  The drive side pedal should be up and forward at around the 2 or 3 o’clock position.  Tell them to hold on to the bike’s saddle with their right hand at the rear edge on the drive side and not let go until you pull the bike away from them.  Repeat this to them.  Assure them there’s no need to hold the handle bars.  The fewer interfaces with your pit dummy and your bike the better.  This way when you grab the bars, the bike gets pulled from their grip and you’re on your way in the best direction.  

They should not push you.  While it works in bobsledding, the guy in the blue shirt with the USAC badge frowns upon riders getting an unfair advantage.  He also frowns at just about everything.  The last thing you want to do is get DQ’d because your pit dummy is a dummy.  Secondly, pushing a rider off essentially hogs the limited space on pit road by putting yourself in front of other rider’s pit crews.  Lastly adding extra arms, legs and heads around the bike is a recipe for throwing the rider off balance and making for a bobbled transition.  Let the rider make the mistakes.  A pit person should be a dummy.

Like Plinko On Wheels #OVCX #KingsCX

Choose Handups Wisely (by Chris Jones)

You ever wonder what it’s like when a gust of wind blows up while teetering on tight rope between skyscrapers, to drive 100mph down a black iced winter Wisconsin freeway, to cut your regulator hose 35 feet under while scuba diving?  The acrobat grips the wire between his toes gently holding the balancing pole.  The rally car driver nearly spins off the road still gripping the steering wheel and finessing the parking brake.  The diver always knows which way is up.  At the bottom of a mud covered off camber hill at the Kings CX OVCX finale I slipped to a stop with both feet engaged to the pedals and my hands on the bars.  Until my shifter and pedal anchored me to a stop, “I got this,” I thought. 

Me on Heckle Hill (Photo: Karen Wells Hamilton)

What makes cyclocross so different from road, track, bmx or mountain biking is that in a muddy race, you’re not certain of the exit.  It’s like Plinko, the game on TV’s The Price Is Right where you drop a disc down a peg board and it randomly pops out at the bottom making you a winner or a loser.  In the one hour race yesterday, I can’t count the times I went into a muddy section, only to exit 3 feet to the left or 4 feet to the right.  Sometimes the same trusted rut would shrug me a different direction each time through.  Still I blindly drive my bike into the muck at full-tilt fully expecting to be head up and rubber down on the doormat sized piece of solid ground on the other side.  Suddenly my opening analogy doesn’t seem so ridiculous.

HeckleOnline.com Monster

Turning right, the front wheel slid away as fast as Herman Cain’s hopes for the presidency, down the hill to the left.  Naturally through my experience in Wisconsin winter driving, I steered left into the slide.  It hooked up.  For .32 seconds I had it, then lost it as fast.  It was like a hydroplaning track stand.  I got this, until PAFFF!  I pancaked into the hill.  I still wasn’t done moving.  Like falling off that skyscraper, with my hand clawing the ledge, feverishly swimming to the surface, seeing the road that was in front of me in the rear-view, I distinctly remember riders going by above me, at least four if not five.  

Peter Hills (Photo: Karen Wells Hamilton)

I could’ve whipped out my phone and had a pizza delivered to the pit in the time it took my butt to grind to a halt.  I could’ve made an OVCX series winner’s mug out of the mud.  I could’ve married and divorced Kim Kardashian in the time it took to fall, slide and stop.  From the pit, I’m sure it looked like another one of a hundred slips du jour.  It was.  Everyone who fell, thought, “I got this!”  Until…they didn’t.


Early Kings CX Day 2 Video featuring Heckle Hill

Kings CX Weekend - Day 2 Highlights from Corey Green on Vimeo.

#OVCX Lexington: Everyday I’m Sufferin’

Brilliant!  Socks and Caps to come!

I’m not high.  However, if I used your bathroom this morning, I may be more inclined to ransack your medicine cabinet looking for pain killers, eye drops and Q-tips.  It hurts to lift my arms.  I have a friend that when exhausted will joke that his skin hurts.  It’s sort of like that.  Between the numerous bike carries at the OVCX Lexington cyclocross race yesterday and pulling on my bars to dig the rear wheel into the cross-arhea mud, I feel like I did the Muscle Beach curling workout.  “I work owwwwt!”

Malissa, Terri & Gerry courtesy Sherri T.

All night my wife kept saying I had mud on my face.  “You showered didn’t you?”  I had, but the specs of dirt on my cheek were in fact coming out of my eyes.  They’d roll down my face with my tears.  I keep blinking.  I’ve been crying in one eye for the past 15 hours.  I blinked while I slept, which turned out to be a good way to see the score of the Packers game on the ESPN recap since I fell asleep with the TV on.  There are still a few gold nuggets left in my left eye.  I’m sure I’ll be panning them out for the next day or two.

Courtesy Steve B.

Just when I start to feel good about my performance yesterday, 21st, my best yet but one spot out of the money, I remember the speeding ticket I was awarded on the way down to the race.  The business like officer clocked me at 68 in a 55 on Lexington’s New Circle Road.  I guess 3 bikes on top of an SUV make a pretty good sized radar target.  It was a simple transaction.  I handed him my license and registration, he handed me a $168 ticket, court costs plus the fine. 

At the start, the official said lap times were running about 12 minutes for previous races and getting slower.  Granted I took what we called “Math for Creatives” in college, a 100 level course officially titled Elements of Math in the UW system, but I calculated with certainty we’d do 6 laps tops.  I’m still trying to figure out why the cards at the start/finish read 3 to go at the 45 minute mark.  As I mashed my way back into the hairy mud, stiff crab grass with ice cream soup mud underneath, I kept saying that can’t be right.  I assured myself I’d get the bell the next lap.  Maybe I messed up my computer out there, but I swear I was on the bike and in the mud for a good hour and twenty minutes and still on the lead lap.

Adam courtesy Lindsay R.

“Everyday I’m Sufferin’.”  I parodied the LMFAO song in my head the moment I felt the effects of the pre-race GU wear off.  I was naked inside and running on empty with 2 to go.  Uphill U-turns, rideable in early laps, became peg-leggers in the Saag Paneer mud.  I’d plant my foot at the stake and fling my bike around.  Rideable climbs disintegrated into dabs at the top which morphed into hoofing it from the bottom.  I’m not sure I used my brakes most of the race.  Like driving a river boat, you just slow the paddle wheel.  Even on the slickest steepest descents, the mud at the bottom would scrub enough speed to keep you from going into the tape. 

My Best CX Season p/b Pearl Izumi

It’s comforting, the feeling of letting go at the end of a race, first ending the pursuit and then putting our defenses down.  While I can’t put an exact time on it, I distinctly remember switching my focus from chasing my teammate Nate and turning it toward keeping the guy behind me…well, behind me.  With two turns left before the finish, I churned through the peanut butter and cat snot.  Sam Dobrozi was nearly two turns behind.  Done.  Pavement.  Nirvana.  I rode into the light.

#Cincy3CX Hangover

Trombone Maddie Cheers Katie, Kaitlin & Georgia

I’d love to dazzle you with insightful commentary about this weekend’s Cincy3 Cyclocross Festival, but like last year, after writing the race stories for the media, I’m all typed-out.  While thankful to see my name in the Velonews Byline with accurate and colorful articles, the weekend was so ADD inducing, in retrospect, I can barely keep my thought in one direction.  So here’s some odds n ends:

UCI Officials are intimidating, like prison guards.  I felt like a sheepish grade school student asking the teacher a dumb question when I approached an official to confirm UCI C1 points went 15 deep.

The Farrell Family Crest

I forgot that I registered for Friday’s race at Devou.  That’s the pit falls of registering for events three months in advance.  I discovered the receipt for the race on Saturday while going through material to write up the race reports.

I thought Team Hungry was the creative team with their own team flag until I saw the Rogue Racing team made personal signs to cheer each of their individual teammates. (photo left)

Maddie carried a sign and a trombone, she’s like 10.  (photo above)

In my radio career, I’ve interviewed Garth Brooks, talked to Army Generals, and met big politicians.  I’ve never been star struck until I get in front of a pro cyclist.  Seriously, I could strike up a conversation with any total stranger at any supermarket in Anytown USA, but put me in front of Jeremy Powers, probably one of the most approachable pros on the circuit, and the nerd in me rises to the top.

Me and Jpow Take 2

I just remembered, Tony Frankin, the drummer Sunday at Harbin Park was wearing a Motorhead pullover while a CXer rapped over the beat.  He wasn't half bad.  The crowd erupted in cheers.

Arguing with officials at the start about your call up is like trying to talk yourself out of a ticket.  Might as well flash your man boobs.  Besides, when you kick and scream at the start line, you’re essentially telling your competition that you’re starting in the back and inviting them to draw first blood.

My Best CX Season p/b Pearl Izumi

Middletown, the home of classically restored Cutlass Supremes with DUI plates.

The fallen leaves at Sunset Park in Middletown were bigger than Paul Bunyan pancakes, man hole covers, floormats and hubcaps.

I still don’t know why I bother bringing an impeccably clean bike to cyclocross races, only to completely destroy it on one warm-up lap.

Katie Compton with Meredith Miller Pre-Race Day 1

Half finger gloves are perfect for tweeting during a cross race.

I love driving my Toyota 4-Runner over curbs while parking at races.

I also love to see my wife at the end of a race.  Thanks honey.

Some of your observations from The Best Bike Blog Ever's Facebook Page:

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  Jason (An overheard quote from Shawn Adams after 3 laps of racing at Devou on Friday, "When Trebon stomps on the pedals it just crushes your soul" 
  
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  Cooper (Announcer John at Harbin) "There is a hill at the back where you had better make sure your health insurance is paid up on before you hit it."
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  Lindsay William trying to look "as American as possible", which somehow included pulling his shorts up like Steve Urkel and shouting "U-S-A, U-S-A!" when Caroline Mani came by with about a lap and a half to go. This somehow precipitated an attack by Meredith Miller, which resulted in her taking second place.
• (An overheard quote) "I think he had a bio-mechanical" (and of course) "The $100 pissing fine and the DQ shocker of the year."