…Is Thinking Of A New Facebook Status Update

Aw man!  I gotta think of a good Facebook status update for this monumental photo.  Sad.  But yes, it was my first thought after I let out a big woot and scared the cats into next Tuesday.  So many good ones went through my head.  I weighed 159 this morning.  I haven’t sunk below 160 in close to 3 years.  I’ve come close.  Last year, 161 I think.  Two years ago I had a rough CX season.  So, I’m a little excited.  It’s been two hours since the weigh in and two hours 15 minutes since my 2^nd morning poo and I’m still on the fence about what should be the caption.  Fan us on Facebook and you’ll see the chosen one.

Here’s my Facebook status update contenders to go with the photo:  

(what's on your mind?___________________)

Aw F*** how did I gain 490 pounds?  Wait, it’s upside down, my bad.

Clinched the central division.

AYHSMB

Is nude, all up in your grill and frontin’ bitches.

Is testing his newly invented iPad App…iScale.

Do I win free socks for this?

Saw this, jumped up and down shouting like a lunatic and probably wont see his cats for 2 days.

Does weigh 160 wet.

Does not walk around naked with a camera….really.

Is on the top step of the podium!

Suddenly realized he saved $3000 in potential bike upgrades.

Is headed to the DMV to make a revision on his drivers license.

Is above the Yellow line…saying “Suck It!”

Might be able to fit into his college skinsuit.

Can I exhale now?

Oh great, you’re saying, he’s in the 150’s and braggin’ about his slate bathroom floor, what a dick!

Cut off his lower legs and weighed them or has the “Far Side” comic coffee table book.

Facebook Friday: Garministan Invasion

I got rear ended at a toll both outside of Chicago on the Eisenhower expressway more than ten years ago.  In slow motion, as I sat stopped waiting to pay, I heard the skidding.  Then from my rear view mirror I could see her coming in way to fast.  A white sedan skidding, looking for the lane with more room to stop.  Bam.  Crash.  Smash.  Bang.  Dominoes.  One car plowed into another, till the rear window of my 1991 Honda Civic hatchback caved in and the Proflex bike on my roof rack flipped onto my hood.  I was okay.  Glass was everywhere.  My frame got cracked.  In a shaky trembly half-scared half-adrenaline spiked voice, much like the one Tyler Farrar used in post race interviews to describe yesterday's sprint at the 2010 Tour De France, I narrated to the officer what happened.  Farrar was freaked out and for good reason.  Crazy things were unfolding in slo-mo in front of his eyes.

After watching the tour coverage of Thursday's sprint over and over, in slo-mo, upside down from the trapeze bar in my living room with binoculars, and by cocking my head side to side like a dog trying to figure out what it's owner is saying, it's pretty clear that nobody in the sprint was riding a line straight enough to pass a breathalizer test.  Check out the video link of "How The Race Was Won" here.


In post race interviews, both Julian Dean and Mark Renshaw, veteran lead out guys, prided themselves on clean sprinting, holding their line.  What I found fascinating, is that neither Dean nor Renshaw mentioned the headbutts.  Headbutting is not against the rules, deviating from your line is.  If you're getting crowded off your line, better defend it with your head than to use your hands at 40mph.  Problem is, Renshaw did more than defend his real estate.  That's what the race jury saw.


Like a game of Risk, Renshaw pounded his way to gain more acreage.  These are big boys.  They know what's going on.  Pro sprinters can thread a needle an inch wider than their handlebars.  There was 3-4 feet to the left of Renshaw, plenty of room to throw a sprinters disco party let alone for Renshaw to pull off and let Cav go straight.  Problem was Renshaw was getting beat by Dean, consequently Farrar was getting the upper hand on Cav.  

Renshaw saw that the only way to regain dominance at the line for both Cav and himself was for him to cross the border on his right.  Sorry, but that was the land of Garministan.  Look at it like a double paceline.  Guy on the left (Renshaw) goes left, guy on the right (Dean) goes right.  While exciting for TV, I think we got robbed of a drag race between Farrar and Cav and for that matter a three up race with Petacchi.  Too bad.  Maybe that's what the jury saw.  This is the Tour De France and we want to see the best go head to head.


Still, the general consensus among FB friends and fans is that the punishment didn't fit the crime.  Getting ejected was a bit harsh.  So, what should've been the punishment?  It's Facebook Friday.  Every week we ask our Facebook fans a burning question and post the comments here.  To be a part of fit, fan us here on FB.  


This weeks question was: "Instead of being kicked out of the Le Tour for Le Head-butting Julian Dean, how should've Mark Renshaw been punished?" 

Facebook Friday! What Was Tom Boonen Thinking at the Tour of California?

Did he leave the Belgian Waffle maker on?  At the Tour of California, I caught Tom Boonen in a David Putty moment.  You remember that episode of Seinfeld.  Elaine and her blockhead boyfriend are on a flight and he’s staring at the seatback in front of him for hours.  Before the Big Bear stage Tomeke was having a man moment at the start in Palmdale, staring off into space.  According to the Amgen TOC twitter feed, he dropped out 45 minutes after this photo was taken.  So what was on the Belgian National Champion’s mind?  We asked you?

It’s Facebook Friday on The Best Bike Blog Ever.  Every week we ask our FB likers and followers a question and post the comments on the blog.  Click here to join the fun next week.

This week’s question: What is Tom Boonen thinking about in this photo?

Geoff

Forget the coke, the medical pot they have here in cali is like so awesome, mmm, mellow.

Mark

"dang those guys on those cool Specialized bikes, I really miss my custom made frame"

Tim

I really hope the Fatburger and Skinnyfries I had last night stay down today.

Scott M

Nu, waar kan ik terecht voor een supermodel en paar lijnen van coke?

Scott B

" damn, Lady Gaga and that exploding bra, you don't see that in Flanders everyday"

Dan

"If I give him the evil eye, maybe Floyd won't rat me out too."

Corey

What color should I paint the living room?

Jerry

Gotta Remember...shift to the easy gear before the hill.

Charley

Friggin roadies, why didn't I take up mountain biking?

Darryn

"If I have enough left after this race I'm totally going to win those pretzels at Ault Park (Cincinnati’s weekly crit series)."

Polly

Why am I in Lycra? I could be a real man out here in the mountains, just me and a navigator's bone ruler, some Fort Knox sunglasses, moccasins and that rugged American woman who once put a black widow on my head after making love, she could kill me with a look...

Bridget

"Should I pee now or can I hold it?

Facebook Friday! You Look Like You Could Use A Beer And Other Things Shouted At You On A Ride

It’s Facebook Friday on The Best Bike Blog Ever*.  This week’s topic sure put a thorn in your chamois and resulted in the most participated-in topic ever.  Woot.  During the week we ask our Facebook Friends (likers) a pressing question.  On Fridays, we lay it out so you can play it out.  If you’d like to be part of the fun, click on this link to the Best Bike Blog Ever’s Facebook page and “lick” it.  I mean “like” it.  This week’s question:

What is the most memorable thing a motorist has ever shouted at you while on a ride?

Carol: "You look like you could use a beer! Here sweetheart, take a cold one. I'm wore out just lookin’ at ya!"

Eric: I'm going to F*** you in the ear

Peter: Two of us were riding from St Rt 126 up the hill toward Wards Corner. I was in front and all of sudden heard this scream/yelp from my friend Michael as a car slowly rolled by me. Turns out the guy in the passenger seat leaned out the window and pinched Michael in the ass.

Shane: Sidewalk azzzhhhoooolllll!

Butch: Hey sexy!! Complete with wolf whistle.  (The motorist was a male in a 70's vintage Chevy pickup truck)

Kim: 1975ish, east of Louisville on a group ride a pickup comes alongside and a very intoxicated guy yells "You F--King Q---rs” and tossed an open beer can at us! This of course is way before cell phones.  About a mile up the road the truck was being detained by the county boys. We rode by cheering!!  Ah the old days...

Corey: "Nice Butt!"

Dan: "Nice butt!"

Mike: Run forest run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tim: (I don’t know about) Shouted? I watched a guy vomit from the passenger window of a pickup about 25 feet ahead of me once.

Andrew: I don't know, I can never understand them. The barking dogs make more sense with their comments!

Nick:  How about the 20+ incarnations of some sort of "Go Lance", or the variations on find an F'ing bike trail.

Mary: "Do you need medical help?" (see, i don't clip in so good sometimes...)

David: This lady laid on her horn as she passed me and yelled something out the window. I, for some reason yelled back, "GET OFF THE ROAD!!!"

David S: Very early on a Sunday morning about 18 years ago a pickup pulled up along side of us and (the occupants) started throwing eggs.  Whoever was tossing wasn’t a very good shot, but sure made us wonder whether the kids went without bfast that morning or just drove around throwing eggs before church.

Dave: Three sweaty, shirtless guys squeezed into a small truck...all yelled the typical " F$#$ing Queer ! " They were practically laying on each other half-naked, and Im queer?

Harold: "Nice ass!" Normally this might have been cool, but the scary looking guy with the confederate flag and "git-r-dun" stickers on his rusty old Ford truck slowed way down to say it. Epic yikes!

Cameron: She was actually a pedestrian, but I had a girl in Morrow scream "Hey, penis!" at me once.

Dave (again): Not yelled, but thrown: A FULL bag of Burger king stuff. Dude had literally had just driven out of the drive thru. Yeah, I was tempted to have a mid-ride snack.

James: "Put some saddles on your bikes!" Lil Bjet and I were dancing on the peddles up the steep section of Ibold. I had to laugh.  It did look like we were preventing a velo-enema.

Christopher: "Stay out of my Fucking way," as they whizzed passed my handle bar clipping me with the side mirror.  Sometimes I have heard a few whistles...they are not always bad comments.

Not That Lance: While slowly rolling up to an intersection, a car rolls up in the left lane and squeezes into my lane nearly hitting my bike. The passenger's side window rolls down and one of the two little old women said "You boys aren't supposed to be in the road.  Get on the sidewalk."  Then the window rolled up and the car continued to move to the right. There wasn't a sidewalk for miles.

Mark:  South side of Columbus, "Hey, I really like those flames on your clothes.  That is one badass outfit."  

Peter (again): At the 4-way intersection in Maineville a shirtless guy in a car going the other direction stands through the sunroof and yells, “F$@% You” at the top of his lungs. It is now called the FU intersection.

Marisel: The honks from the SUVs in Prospect Park, Bklyn are more memorable than anywords could ever be!

Kate: "Go Lance Go!!” Funny. "You're fat!!” Not funny

Jason: Imagine the stereotypical adolescent carrying his pants in Price Hill (a rough neighborhood).  Then imagine him saying this to me during hill repeats on my 5th time up Quebec, "You got this."  It still brings a smile to my face. 

Facebook Friday! The Oddest Food I Ever Ate On A Ride Is...

I seriously thought it was a dirty diaper, but he doesn’t have kids I thought. How come it doesn’t smell. At the midway point of a 50 mile ride this spring my buddy pulled what appeared to be a day old Pampers out of his middle jersey pocket. He began to unwrap it. Nearly gagging and horrified, I watched and the puzzle began to unravel. No. Wait. Fhew. It’s just a plastic bag with a brown soaked paper towel inside. “What the hell is that?” I asked. “It’s a Belgian waffle,” he exclaimed as he took a chomp. “With syrup?” “Yeah!” he muffled swallowing.


I’ve eaten some weird stuff on rides. My favorite is a heat lamp meatloaf sandwich they sell at a Marathon truck stop in Mentor, KY. It’s nothing delicious, a plain ‘ol brown man sandwich, meatloaf with some tacky sauce on a bun. Maybe it’s the combination of being 50 miles from home and drained of calories, but that meatloaf sandwich does wonders, especially with an ice cold Coke. It’s never caused me problems on the way home either. It may not even be real ground beef. Maybe that’s why it appears to digest as fast as any other energy food. I get it everytime I do that long ride down to Shaboberle hill. There’s nothing better than sitting on the curb outside, watching traffic go by on the AA highway and enjoying that sad excuse for a sandwich.


Thinking of the dirty diaper and meatloaf, certainly I can’t be the only one to enjoy a bizarre treat on a bike ride. So, we put the question out to the Facebook Fans of The Best Bike Blog Ever*.


"The oddest food or food combo I've eaten on a ride is..."


Corey I didn't eat it, but a friend had Creme Brulee from the downtown convenience store in Felicity, OH.

Judi Oatmeal cream pies (they have lots of sodium!)…sour gummy bears and airheads.

Charley
Pickles at the aid stations during the Ouachita Challenge in Arkansas.


Harold
Tried celery with peanut butter, each one foiled individually. Twas' good! Reeses cups in my jersey pockets on a 90 degree day--epic bad.


Ryan
In college I had 2 double cheese burgers from Burger King in my back jersey pocket. It was literally one of the best rides I ever had in college. Somehow I managed to hang with the "A" racers on the climbs…


Rick
I eat peanut butter and bacon bagel sandwiches. Sounds weird but once you try it you're hooked.


Butch
The same meatloaf sammi @ the same Marathon as u! lol! Apparently its a staple out there!


John  Ate crawdads while on Cycle Zydeco. (TBBBE says: "Ah-yeee!")