“Police:
Bicyclist fires shot in fit of road rage.” The headline from WISH-TV in
Whitestown, Indiana sort of stuck out on my facebook news feed, not because
it was alarming, but because I was offended at the use of bicyclist and cyclist
and the complete omission of the term “a bike rider.” While on any given day, I can be any one of
the three, I am pretty certain it was not a bicyclist or cyclist that put the
cap in the motorist, but likely someone riding a bike. Oh there’s a difference.
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| Cyclists |
The
first clues are the .45 caliber bullets found at the scene. A quick search of the internet reveals a .45
caliber hand cannon weighs between 27 and 37 ounces. That’s a two pound gun,
without bullets. Clearly a cyclist would
not carry a .45 caliber gun or anything weighing more than their bike frame. A .45 caliber bullet alone weighs roughly 200
grams, as much as a Ritchey WCS stem. There’s
no way. Cyclists don’t carry anything
outside that which is absolutely necessary.
Instead of a wallet, cyclists opt for a zip lock bag with a cell phone,
ID and the worst smelling sweat drenched $5 bill you’ll ever turn your nose up
at. If a weapon were necessary on a ride,
say to drop the dead weight from a breakaway, it’d likely be a shiv carved from
carbon fiber.
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| Bicyclists |
Clue #2 is the fanny pack, leading me to the bicyclist. Bicyclists are known for over packing. Judging from the three tail lights and seat
bag big enough for a hoagie sandwich and a floor pump, a fanny pack with a .45
isn’t too much of a stretch. However, the
bicyclist is no honey badger. The bright
orange vest, helmet mirror and dual headlights blinking in the middle of the day
are enough to tell any motorists to give them a wide berth. Add a black tie and the good book, and I’m
certain the bicyclist is not your man.
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| A Bike Rider |
The .45 caliber gun in the fanny pack clearly points to A
Bike Rider. Don’t be fooled by the photo
of Beyonce. While she falls into the
category of bike rider, this category covers everyone from the person noodling
down the bike path and cruising to yoga to those who lost their driving license
to a DUI and the drug dealer. The only
thing that makes a bike rider a bike rider is the bike. A bike rider is going about their normal
everyday business on a bicycle. Now if
that business happens to involve a loaded three pound concealed .45 caliber
pistol, I think you know who you’re looking for.
