Earth Day Schmirth Day

Earth Day, what a bunch of hooey.  It’s just another Hallmark holiday to me, not any different than Valentine’s Day.  My wife and I don’t exchange cards or gifts on Valentine’s Day, even though it is in fact the anniversary of my proposal.  It’s Earth Day and the Earth shouldn’t expect anything extra from me today.  If you have a good relationship everyday should be as love filled and celebrated as Valentine’s Day.  If you really care about the environment, everyday should be Earth Day.  If the green websites and NBC logos are making you feel a little guilty about it, I guess it never hurts to put a little more umph into “doing your part” for fat mama earth today.  There's no such thing as too much of a good thing for Earth Day.  (Pictured: beautiful El Yunque National Forest-Puerto Rico)

Earlier today I updated the status of The Best Bike Blog Ever*’s Facebook page.  It read, “Happy Earth Day.  Do your part.  Pick up a piece of trash or two on your ride today.”  I had an early meeting and rushed it.  I wish I thought it out more clearly.  I guess that’s what I’m doing now.  If you’re a cyclist you should be pickin’ up a piece of trash whenever you can no matter what day it is.  I’m not saying to lock up the brakes at the front of the peloton and break a few collarbones to stuff a gum wrapper in your jersey pocket.  Seriously, if you ride a bike, stop at an intersection and see a piece of trash, pick it up and put it in the next recycling or garbage can you see.  It makes the ride that much more enjoyable next time you pass through.

That got me to thinking of other things an everyday cyclist can do to make everyday Earth Day:

DON’T BUY WATER BOTTLES

You should never buy another water bottle again.  No lie.  I have at least 50 of them in my pantry dating back to God knows when.  It’s ridiculous.  If you need one, let me know.  Ask a friend.  Or, take a look around at the next rough railroad track crossing, chances are there’s one lying in the brush.  Trash becomes treasure.  I’ve heard pro tour teams this year are using bottles made from recycled or biodegradable material.  So you don’t have to cringe and wince when you see them whip a bottle into an empty field in a remote part of Spain.  They say at most pro races the fans snatch them up pretty quickly.  However, I don’t recall seeing too many fans in the desert during the Tour of Oman earlier this year.  The next time one jangles out of your cage probably best to go pick it up, unless you have cheering souvenir hunting fans along your training route.  Plus, Karma’s a bitch.

BE GREEN WHEN YOU CLEAN

It was likely brain cell killing toxic and costly, but I used to practically clean my entire bike with degreaser.  Idiot.  Looking back at my carelessness, probably a few gallons of degreaser flowed out of my garage and into the storm sewer or through cracks into the ground.  Now, I drop a rag on the floor under the drive train; spritz a spray or two on the chain cleaner or tooth brush and scrub the drive train only.  When you’re done, you can use that degreaser dripped rag to wipe off your cassette and chainrings.  I’ve heard there are chain cleaners that allow you to recycle the degreaser with a filter.  That’s what the bike shops do, but on a huge scale.  That’s what that big 50 gallon drum in the back of the shop is for.  Degreaser never really loses its cleaning properties.  You can use it more than once.  Like motor oil, it just gets dirty.  The rest of the bike is cleaned with a squirt of dish soap into a recycled spray bottle of water.  We have 5 bikes that are ridden and cleaned at least weekly.  I probably fill up that old circa 2002 409 cleaner spray bottle three times per year.  That’s 3 squeezes of soap for hundreds of bike wipe-downs.  I don’t buy shop rags.  Instead I recycle old t-shirts into rags and use those to clean the bike.  Don’t tell me you don’t have a surplus of hideously ugly t-shirts from charity rides and races.

TRAVEL WITH YOUR BIKE INSIDE THE CAR

Not only will it keep you from littering the drive through at Arby’s with heavy metals and carbon fiber during a run-in with the overhang, it saves a ton on gas.  I’ve tracked the mileage savings.  With my car, there’s probably a 3-4 mpg difference between having a bike on top of the roof as opposed to being inside.  That makes a huge difference when traveling to races or on vacation.  Plus it stays dry, maybe saving a re-lube of the drive train when you arrive at your destination.  Lastly, your bike might be a little more secure locked behind tinted windows instead of advertising to the world that you have an expensive bike.  Of course there’s going to be times when you need the roof rack, hopefully that’s when you’re carpooling with teammates and friends, saving the gas you would’ve burned taking individual cars, and getting lost in the boonies trying to keep the caravan together.

PARTICIPATE IN A TRAIL BUILDING DAY

While it’s fantastic to have new trails and bikeways, I am always surprised by the amount of trash and junk deep in the honey suckle jungle of unused park land.  At Devou Park in Covington volunteers from Give Back Cincinnati carted out literally hundreds of 5 gallon buckets full of ancient whiskey pint bottles, tires, old fencing, tarps, tents, single shoes, and some things that just made us scratch our heads.  So, when you help build a trail, you’re also helping to clean up your local public land, leaving you feeling double happy.

PATCH YOUR TUBES

A Facebook Fan of the blog the other day mentioned that there must’ve been a quarter of a million dollars worth of bikes in the local Cat 3 race this past Sunday, fifty racers on five thousand dollar rigs.  He summarized a lot of the Cat 3 races have decent jobs and can afford a little luxury in their hobby.  Consequently, with wealth comes waste.  No doubt many of these riders simply whip in a new inner tube whenever they flat and toss the old tube in the trash.  I concur; most racers would hate to be sidelined in a race by flatting on a repaired inner tube.  However, for a few years now, I save my flatted tubes for a rainy day tube patching party.  I look forward to the bottle of Sierra Nevada and using up three patch kits.  While I still prefer to run unpatched tubes during races, the spare tube I carry on local training rides is usually a patched one.  Additionally, that makes it pretty easy to lend a tube to someone in need.  What goes around comes around.  

Goodwheel Hunting: Making Sense of a Bunch Sprint

I was Luke Skywalker deftly flying my X-wing fighter through the labyrinth of the Death Star as TIE fighters attacked and fell.  I pitched and rolled.  I would save Aldaraan.   Okay, enough Star Wars geek coo-coo talk.  After I crossed the finish line, I rolled up alongside a good friend and said, “I’ve been racing road bikes for what now, 7 years, and this is the first time I could see my way through the chaos that is a bunch sprint finish.  Heavenly harps and Disney birdies circled my head.  It wasn’t chaotic.  It was clear and calculated.  I was calm and cool.  It wasn’t any scarier than parallel parking on Michigan Avenue in Chicago.  Granted my placing wasn’t anything special, but now I know I can do this.

Normally a sprint for me is like a demonstration of what it feels like to have Autism, an overload of sensory information.  Colors flash by you in both directions.  Your smell cork brake pads burning, hear a cowbell, a guy cuts in front of you, you lean to avoid contact, a little girl shouts from the sidelines, you see the 200 meter sign, a hole opens, and shuts down just as quick.  Somehow I was Matt Damon in Goodwill Hunting, able to see the answer to the problem in my head and show the math to prove it.  It all made perfect sense.  Yesterday the chaos was nothing more than driving toward the finish and making rational split second decisions till I arrived at the front.  If X, then Y.  If Z then A.  The speed, closeness of the riders and distractions were secondary.  I felt as if I were running through the concessions crowd during the 7^th inning stretch without hitting anyone and bagging the 12^th urinal in the men’s room. 

It was more than following “a good wheel.”  The sprint actually started 5-6 miles away on the back stretch.  Halfway through the lap, a slight uphill rise into a right turn onto a skinny twisty road proved to be a choke point that stretched out the pack every lap.  Even warming up, I knew I had to be near the front going into that corner or you’d end up at the mercy of others letting gaps go.  The first half of the last lap all I thought about was being in a good spot through that corner.  I did have my eye on two wheels, a Team Type 1 development rider and a stalwart veteran from Zephyr Wheel/Cyclesport.  I had a third eye on a big dude from a Pittsburg team.  All three were in the mix at the front.  The “good wheels” were more of a sign that I was in the right place than a golden ticket to the podium.

From there it was a matter of defending position and staying with one of those wheels.  Guys would come around on both sides, and like a jewelry store smash-and-grab heist you had to take it when you saw it to stay near the front.  On The final right hand turn onto the finishing road, swinging a bit too wide I lost some ground and my “good wheels” by letting a few go by underneath.  I remember clearly thinking that this was the moment where I could ease up and ride it in for a mid-pack finish, or drive forward and make the most of it.  I got up on the pedals over the next riser hill and stuck my bike into the first hole I saw.  Now committed, I drove forward making my way to the stack of $29.95 DVR’s at Best Buy on Black Friday.  I woke up at 3am, camped out on a lawn chair in 25 degree weather and by God I’m getting that deal. 

Photo Courtesy Jeffery Jakucyck

On earlier laps, with the wind pushing from the Northwest, I remember the right side of road over the overpass would open up as riders drafted more toward the centerline.  I poked my way to the right and rode it up past a couple before the lane shut down.  Down the hill and back up the next rise, a rider shot left to right across my bow almost touching my wheel.  I had to pinch off some brake and pitch to my right an inch to avoid it.  I drove on.  Boxed in on the right and somewhere in twentieth-land, I stayed on the gas patiently waiting for something to open up.  The 200 meter sign was in sight.  The sprint opened to both sides of the road.  Riders fanned left, leaving Swiss cheese holes in front of me.  I shot forward and dug deep sliding past spent riders and ping-ponged my way forward.  I could see the finish line tent, open real estate and a smattering of riders.  2-3 more ran out of steam before the line.  Left.  Right.  I surged past.  Crossed.  I counted the guys in front of me.  3-3-3-1. I counted again.  4-3-3-1.  11th or 12th.  Oh, and there’s my “good wheel.”  Not too shabby I thought.  It wasn’t so much where I finished, but how I got there that I was happy about.  I figured this thing out.  I haven’t been so excited about something so mediocre since the day I front parked my car to get elusive street parking on Michigan Avenue in Chicago.  

Code Yellow! Worldwide Lance Monuments Under Attack

It’s Code Yellow for guards of Lance Armstrong monuments across the world.  Velo News reports that vandals have vandalized the monument dedicated to the very spot where Lance Armstrong broke his collarbone in Spain during the 2009 Vuelta a Castilla y León.  “Jesus Cristos,” a local exclaimed while standing in the spot once marked by a bike valued at $59.95 set in priceless Spanish concrete near the small village of Antiguedad.  Through a translator the local official reported, “the roadside tribute to the pileup that broke Lance Armstrong’s clavicle has been reduced from near worthlessness to absolute worthlessness.”

In response, officials in charge of safe guarding The Worlds Largest Yellow Rubber Bracelet (along with the Worlds Largest Sharpie and Worlds Largest Laptop Computer) are braced for the worst and are keeping their eyes out for anything that could destroy the once thought unbreakable Livestrong treasure.  Management remains optimistic knowing that so far nothing known to man has been able to damage a Livestrong bracelet in any way, except for futzing with them for hours until they give.

In France, authorities at L'Alpe d'Huez trusted to the security of the commemorative spot of “The Look” have set aside their cigarettes and wine and are reportedly being more vigilant in case vigilantes attack the giant latex human eyeball set atop an authentic red, white and blue U.S. Postal Service mailbox erected in 2001 to commemorate Lance’s stern look back at a chasing Jan Ulrich.

Closer to home, it is rumored that staff at Mellow Johnnies Bike Shop in Austin have now locked the doors, put all Lance memorabilia in the padlocked shed out back and are standing guard with skinny noodle biker arms crossed at the doors and exits armed with chain whips and oversized 15mm pedal wrenches in case anyone decides to try something funny.

As of right now, some Radio Shack stores remain closed.  Greg LeMond could not be reached for comment.

Running a Corn Maze with a Jackhammer

I have serious going-postal thoughts that Cincinnati gets a big rain storm and a whole twisted network of mountain bike trails washes down the hillside into the Ohio River with a resounding splash.  KA-SPLOOOSH!  Buh-bye Tower Park. 

Oh my god it felt so good to say that I should have a cigarette and I don’t even smoke.  Certainly I can’t be the only one to feel this way.  Normally, I’m a very positive person and blogger.  Putting things down is not a trait I respect in people.   But, somebody had to say the baby is ugly.  Father, I confess, every time I see someone post on Facebook or talk about “hitting the tower” I can’t help but think I how much I hate riding Tower Park in Ft Thomas Kentucky.  Off with its head.  Time for a mountain bike Mulligan.

Before you berate me in the comments, hear my defense.  I feel like I’m a respected mountain biker and trail advocate in Cincinnati.  I have scars on my shins from trail tools.  At the same time, I’m pretty colorful and exaggerated.  Certainly I can’t be for real for having impure trail thoughts.  I admit it is a bit selfish.  Afterall, others obviously LOVE LOVE LOVE riding at Tower Park.  However, as a mountain bike trail, to me the only redeeming qualities of Tower Park are that it’s the closest trail to downtown Cincinnati and you get an incredible feeling of accomplishment and elation when you can clean the trail without dabbing.  

No doubt, if you can successfully eek your bike around the awkward, ugh, rocky, oof, rooty, twisted, steepness you can call yourself an expert rider.  I’ve felt that.  It’s wonderful.  I’ve cleaned the “otter slide” climb.  When the gods are smiling, I can get my triple-trailer of a 29er around the tight switchbacks up and down.  Tower’s rocks and roots and awkwardness, countless times, has given me the skill and confidence to take on larger mountain bike challenges like trails in Whistler B.C. (pictured Whistler's Rainbow Sproat Trail), Pisgah, West Virginia and the Mohican MTB 100.  When I first moved to Cincinnati, it was the first trail I rode.  It was where I first met the teammates and cycling friends I have today.  However, I seriously never have fun riding there.   To me, it’s nothing more than the mountain bike equivalent of boot camp.

The trail has all the flow of an 85 year old man standing in front of a urinal.  Go fast.  Stop.  Track stand.  Turn.  Dig for a grunter.  Chatter down the other side.  Hit the brakes.  Turn right.  No left.  Then right.  You’d have more fun running blindfolded through a corn maze with a jackhammer.  Secondly, aside from the switchbacks down to the river, you never feel like you’re going anywhere.  There are no real destination points.  Being on the Ohio River, you’d think there’d be a cool vista, a unique tree, a pretty creek, an odd shaped rock or something that tells you that you’ve gone from point A to point B.  Truth is, if you take your eyes off the trail for a second, you’ll be part of the landscaping. 

There are great trail organization in the Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky area called CORA (Cincinnati Off Road Alliance) and KYMBA (Kentucky Mountain Bike Association.)  I’m a CORA member and have put in plenty of sweat equity on a number of local trails including Tower.  I’ve spent hours and hours with goofy hand tools carving new trails in Covington’s Devou Park, Cincinnati’s Mitchell Memorial, East Fork State Park and Caesars Creek.  I sent $50 to IMBA this year.  Great organizations and I'm all about putting my time in, certainly I'm at least deserving of an opinion.

Like an NA on the report card, Tower Park needs attention, not just a quick fix to a section or two but some IMBA-type love, a redesign, cosmetic surgery.  Bring out the views.  Highlight the flora and landscape.  Take me from the Tower to the vista, across the ridgeline and through the valley.  I want to loosen my grip on the bars and have a second to discover the tree with the odd knob or the giant boulder with the crazy moss, before the next tough section.  The trails in Whistler are crazy sick twisted tough too, but they also reward with a view, a waterfall, a section to relax the knuckles for a moment to appreciate the ride.  I want to enjoy the challenge Tower Park offers.  

I’m not pointing fingers.  There’s no blame.  Tower Park is still just the backyard neighborhood trail it’s always been.  It can be better.  While I’m no trail designer or grassroots organizer, I am a voice.  Like an ugly baby, it’s still a blessing to have challenging mountain bike trails within 15 minutes of downtown Cincinnati.  Let this be my first step toward making Tower a fuller mountain biking experience.  

To lean more about trail advocacy projects, visit these links and give generously:

Cincinnati Off Road Alliance (CORA), part of Ohio Mountain Bike Association (OMBA)

Kentucky Mountain Bike Association (KYMBA)

International Mountain Bike Association (IMBA)

Goodbye Mr. Janglybag

Gears clanking, chain slapping, seat bag jangling, not too long ago I was on a big group ride and got stuck behind a rider with a noisy bike, Mr. Janglybag.  I couldn’t take it.  Rather than berating him for bad manners and his lack of packing skills, I sat-in till I found another wheel.  Sitting-in is a great way to save energy if you’ve got the sniffles, are the weaker rider in the bunch or just need to get behind or in front of someone else.  Unfortunately, many riders haven’t mastered the art of changing their position in the paceline without causing gaps or disrupting the pace.  Consequently they get dropped if they’re weak or start making enemies if they’re not cool about it. 

I sat-in to get away from Mr. Janglybag, but there are other reasons to sit in.  A lot of riders don’t even think about how the riders in front of and behind them in a paceline affect their experience.  Maybe a sprint is coming up and you’d rather have a teammate’s wheel.  Maybe the guy in front of you is squirrely and you’d rather be behind someone steadier.  Maybe you’re on the brink of getting dropped because the doofus behind you always jacks the pace after you take your pull and you’d rather have a smoother person behind you.  I’ve sat-in for all these reason and it works.  The trick to sitting-in is to be invisible. 

     X

     X

     X

     X

     X

     X

     X

Take these 7 riders for example, and excuse my lack of graphic art skills.  The GREEN X is taking their pull.  You’re (RED X) picking up the rear. 

     X

 X  X

     X

     X

     X

     X

GREEN X has finished their pull, has moved off the front and drifts to the rear.  You (RED X) need to be aware that it’s time to put on your cloak of invisibility and get ready to move to your left a bit. 

     X

     X

     X

     X

  X X

 X

GREEN X is now almost to the rear of the paceline.  You (RED X) move behind them and slightly to the left in their blind spot.  Then, drift to the rear with them.  As GREEN X gets ready to fall back in line, naturally he’ll look to the right to grab the wheel of the last rider he sees-the rider to his right at the moment. 

     X

     X

     X

     X

     X

   X

   X

Since you (RED X) were in the blind spot, GREEN X didn’t see you and simply moved behind the last rider he saw, the guy that used to be in front of you.  You move behind GREEN X.  The pace stays steady and you stay out of the wind.  If the people you’re riding with know you’re under the weather or a weaker rider, they won’t mind.  Or, if you’re just looking for another wheel, you can sit on till you’re between the riders you want to be.  Goodbye Mr. Janglybag.