They call it the credit card, when the rear wheel gets slid
through a rider’s rear end on a botched cyclocross pit exchange. It’s the dreaded remount bobble, caused
mainly by having a drunken person pitting for you. It was the biggest mistake I saw in the pits
at the muddy Kings CX race on Sunday. The
2nd biggest mistake was seeing riders pull in the pit looking as if
their car was stolen from the mall parking lot, only to realize their pit crew
was still on the opposite side of the pit Tweeting about how great their rider
was doing in the race. Contrary to
popular whining, no matter how many middle fingers get thrown between riders and
their pit person, the rider is ultimately responsible for everything that goes
wrong in their pit.
If you’re going to put a dummy in the pit for you, the best
thing you can do is realize that they’d rather be back at the hospitality tent
checking Sunday football scores or shopping for pretty shoes on their
smartphone. Outside of actually finding
someone who has a fetish for rain gear and mud or someone with a vested
interest in how well you do in the race, the second best thing you can do is
prepare them. Realize the dummies in
your pit crew are only as good as your instructions and how much Chipotle you
bribe them with.
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| "A yuk-yuk. Sure I'll pit for y'all!" |
Outfitting Your Pit Dummy
Unless they wear as much latex as Lady Gaga, don’t count on
your pit dummy to come prepared to be wet.
Bring the following for your dummy:
a pair of rain pants with belt or suspenders (because for some reason
rain pants are only available in Paul Bunyan size), long johns, a sweatshirt, rubber
boots, rain jacket, hat and waterproof gloves.
If you’re really smart, you’ll give them a team hat so they feel like
part of the team and you can pick them apart from the 40 other people wearing
yellow jackets in the pit. Plus, if you pack
a spare backpack with all this stuff and carry around a giant burrito wrapped
in tin foil, you can raise your CX scepter and appoint any gap-toothed weirdo
your pit dummy.
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| All Hail The Conical Brush |
Tools for Dummies:
Unless you’re shacking up with someone with perpetually
grease packed finger nails, chances are your dummy is no mechanic and thinks an
Allen wrench set looks identical to a set of measuring spoons. Do not trust a pit dummy with unfamiliar
tools. The cassette brush will be
challenging enough. Give them the
basics: a bottle of lube, a few rags, a bucket, a bottle of dish detergent, a
chain/cassette brush and a conical brush.
Tell them if something is mechanically wrong with the bike to take it to
the neutral support guy under the tent with the tools and bike stand and repeat
exactly what you shouted at him when you dropped it off.
The Most Important Thing:
Tell your pit dummy that the most important thing is not
cleaning the bike. It’s not catching
your dirty bike, getting the bike back to you in a ½ lap, lubing the chain, or other
mind numbing details like making sure your drive side pedal is in the 2 o’clock
position when you get on the bike. The
most important thing while pitting is making sure you go to the bathroom before
the race starts. The 2nd most
important thing is …say it with me…making sure the rider mounts the new bike
smoothly. Nothing else matters as much as
you getting cleanly on the clean bike and out of the pit. Show them how to hold your spare bike
correctly and practice an exchange or two.
See “The Hand Off” for dummies below.
Communicate:
Tell your pit dummy to take mental note of the riders in
front of you, so they have an idea when you are due in. Tell them you’ll most likely be in the top 10
riders, or in my case, the one wheezing like a donkey mid pack. Explain that on each lap you’ll pass by the
pit twice, once on each side. Since lap
times are about eight minutes, you’ll pass by the pit about every four
minutes. Tell your dummy, you’ll raise a
hand in the air a turn or two before pitting which is a signal that you need a
clean bike. Tell them to wave back or
shout “ready” when they see your hand.
Tell them, if you don’t get confirmation you won’t come into the
pit.
Claim Your Pit Home:
With the bucket, your bin of rags, tools and brushes, along with the
spare bike or wheels, stake out an area of the pit with your dummy to call home
prior to the race. If you’re lucky,
you’ll set them up next to a friend maybe with a stick of beef jerky and a
flask of bourbon, or perhaps a granola bar and a can of soda. Put some dish detergent in the bucket and
fill it up with the pressure washer.
This is a perfect opportunity to show them how to operate it…the
pressure washer not the bucket.
The Pitting for Dummies Routine:
Tell your dummy to clean your bike the same way every time. Upon seeing you off, they should quickly take
the dirty bike back to your place in the pit.
Other riders are coming in and it’s very important to get off pit road
as quickly as possible. To save your pit
dummy from trying to figure out your gearing, before you come into the pit shift
into the gear you wish to have when you pick it back up. Then tell your pit dummy not to mess with the
gears.
1 DECHUNKIFY. Using the conical
brush, dip it in the soapy water and run it above and below each brake shoe
front and back. Then, run it through the
bottom bracket area between the wheel and frame and between the crank arms and
frame. Then knock the big chunks of mud
off the frame. If there’s time, they can
clean their ears with it. If the brush
goes in one ear and out the other, you have a perfect pit dummy. Done: 30 seconds.
2 POWERWASH. Since the bulk of the debris was knocked off with the brush, time at the power washer
should be minimized. Since most pit
dummies don’t understand the laws of gravity and jet propelled water, tell them
to wash the bike top down: saddle, bars, top tube, down tube, seat tube,
brakes, wheels/tires, bottom bracket, rear derailleur & pullies. Done: 1 minute.
3 BRUSH DRIVETRAIN: Facing the rear of the bike on the drive
side, supporting the bike with the right hip, use the smaller brush to get the
debris out from in between the front gears and rear wheel gears. Believe me, explaining the difference between
chainrings and cassette cogs is like explaining Skype to your grandmother. Spinning the pedals backward while brushing
works well. Then work to remove the
stuff from the derailleur pullies, also known as that thing the chain snakes
through on the back of the frame. Done:
45 seconds.
4 LUBE CHAIN: Still
in the same position, spin the cranks backward and squirt lube on the chain as
it spins. Tell them to do it exactly
like they did on their Huffy when they were 11 years old. Done: 15 seconds.
5 RETURN: Take a rag, head to the opposite side of the pit
the bike was picked up at and look for the rider. With the rag quickly wipe the bars, saddle
and shifter levers. Time permitting, pick
any loose leaves or grass still in the brakes or drive train. Watch for the raised hand from the rider and
signal and call out “ready” when you see it.
To alert others in the pit, have your pit dummy shout “rider up” when
you are a turn away from coming in to the pit.
The Exchange:
I saw 10 year olds catch bikes perfectly Sunday. Any dufus can do it. You know who else is great at catching
bikes? The ground. Once again, say it with me, the most
important part of the bike exchange is…yes, going to the bathroom before the
race. The 2nd most important
thing is getting the rider cleanly on the clean bike. Let the dirty bike fall into the grass if
need be. Tell your pit dummy to ask someone nearby to catch your bike
when you come in. If that’s not
possible, they can do it solo.
Whoever’s catching the bike, should stick their left hand
out at handlebar height toward the rider coming in, look them dead in the eye
and say “your mama was right, you are ugly.”
No really they should say something to the effect of “Right here Dude. I got it!”
That way there’s no confusion on where the bike is going. If they’re doing double duty, catching and
handing off, it’s not so much a catch as a slowing down and gentle deflection
of the dirty bike to the ground with your left hand. The pit dummies main focus should be on
making sure the clean bike is ready for the hand-off.
The Handoff.
There are ways the pros do it, but there is only one way
your dummy should do it, with the most minimal involvement possible. Tell them to position the clean bike over the
pit line, angled toward the best exit to the pit with the handlebars pointing
forward. The drive side pedal should be
up and forward at around the 2 or 3 o’clock position. Tell them to hold on to the bike’s saddle with
their right hand at the rear edge on the drive side and not let go until you
pull the bike away from them. Repeat
this to them. Assure them there’s no
need to hold the handle bars. The fewer
interfaces with your pit dummy and your bike the better. This way when you grab the bars, the bike
gets pulled from their grip and you’re on your way in the best direction.
They should not push you. While it works in bobsledding, the guy in the
blue shirt with the USAC badge frowns upon riders getting an unfair
advantage. He also frowns at just about
everything. The last thing you want to
do is get DQ’d because your pit dummy is a dummy. Secondly, pushing a rider off essentially
hogs the limited space on pit road by putting yourself in front of other
rider’s pit crews. Lastly adding extra
arms, legs and heads around the bike is a recipe for throwing the rider off
balance and making for a bobbled transition.
Let the rider make the mistakes.
A pit person should be a dummy.
