Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Donutology: The Cycling Weather Forecast

There’s a 50 percent chance of chocolate donuts in the conference room today.  Before you start thinking of whether or not they’ll be glazed or iced, I’m quite certain you’re not getting a donut.  Don’t despair.  You never had a chance.  This percentage is as flawed as the 50% chance of showers predicted for today on the Channel 9 News at 11.

It’s Wednesday ride night.  I put my bike in the back of my truck last night and stuffed a backpack with my kit this morning.  Seeing the forecast, my wife packed her cute yoga pants for the gym.  You may think I’m an optimist and she’s a pessimist.  While that may hold some truth, it had nothing to do with our decisions.  She equates getting rained on with torture.  50% rings the “you may end up with runny make-up and snarled hair” alarm in her head.  Besides the fact that my hair looks the same wet or dry and I can live with a wet butt crack for 2 hours, there are too many variables in that 50% chance of rain to mean a whole lot.  Remember the forecast didn’t say a 50% chance of showers between 6pm and 7:45pm for the cities of Madeira and Batavia and all points in between.  The Channel 9 viewing area covers 15-20 counties in the Cincinnati area.

Mmmm Donuts.
Like chocolate donuts in the conference room, a 50% chance of showers pertains to millions of people and an entire 24 hour day, not you and Wednesday Night Worlds.  How many donuts will be in the conference room?  Is it a dozen, or a Homer Simpson fantasy overturned truckload?  Will they be delivered all at once in an atomic donut drop or in smaller bite-sized shipments?  Are they actual donuts or lame-o donut holes from the land of misfit donuts?  If the yummy goodness arrives at 9a, noon or 3pm when hungry coworkers always seem to check the kitchen for free food, your chances of getting a donut decreases.  Since my office is one of the farthest from the kitchen, I have to travel a longer distance when the subject line “Fresh Donuts in the Kitchen” appears in my email. I'm screwed.

See.  Suddenly, I appear to be the pessimist when in reality I’m a realist.  I’m really not planning on getting a donut.  However, if a donut appears in the company kitchen between now and midnight, the Channel 9 Donutologist can say, "I told you there was a chance of donuts."  With a 50% chance of showers, chances are it’s really not going to rain during the shop ride tonight.  However, I did pack Pearl Izumi shoe covers.  While it may not come from the sky, I think the chance of getting my feet splashed on the ride tonight is 50/50.  I hate wet feet.  It's like torture to me.

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