Cincinanti's Dedicated Bike Lane For Beefing Big Balled Bicyclists

Every now and then what is at the root a crime, usually of a lesser degree, is on the surface super freaking funny. Sometime within the last 2-3 weeks the bike lane arrows on Erie Avenue in Cincinnati have been repainted, neither at the hand of any city employee nor at the hand of a very mature person. I, being somewhat immature, found these modern cave drawings incredibly hilarious, especially after a long ride, going up the last hill on my way home with my last sip of water in my bottle. I nearly blew that sip out my nose when I saw this.

I present the road marking which depicts a bike lane that I presume is only for gassy cyclists, a bike lane dedicated to me. How thoughtful. Someone out there knows that I enjoy a healthy diet of legumes, mushrooms and the occasional broccoli. Since both Erie Avenue and Brotherton lead nearly parallel paths up the hill to the neighborhoods of Hyde Park and Oakley respectively and the painting is tagged with a "B", I’ve deducted that maybe someone who lives on Brotherton was offended by a blasting biker or tooting tandem on their street and decided to go all vigilante, repaint the bike lane markings and get the offending athletes to detour up Erie Avenue instead. May I add that looks like one horrendous spider bark. I think the color is dead on. But, that’s not all. Just a few meters up hill from the flatulence artwork is this picture.

Women and lesser men, I am sorry, but it appears that the Hyde Park bound Erie Avenue bike lane is only for farting cyclists with giant cantaloupe sized testicles, beefing bicyclists with big balls. My last sip of water is officially coming out my nose. Bravo to the vigilante. However criminal or offensive the act may be I have found another reason to look forward to the last two miles of my bike rides. Happy Friday, Facebook Friday will return next week.

Bom Chicka Wow Wow: The Best Bike Blog Ever Endorses Axe Body Spray

It’s better than dirty stinky funk ass and lasts for hours, that’s why The Best Bike Blog Ever* can finally say it endorses Axe deodorant body spray.  However, it has nothing to do with sex appeal or that it remotely smells good.  I’m not too humble to say that I’m a relatively handsome man and never has a peloton of pink spandex clad hotties asked to ride on my handlebars while I was wearing Axe.  My wife, who is very hot, thinks it smells nasty and she has never sung “Bom Chicka Wow Wow” in my ear while I’m wearing it.  That’s being kind.  She would not allow me to wear this stuff on a night out.  But, after a 3 hour beat down ride through Rabbit Hash and Big Bone Lick State Park in northern Kentucky, this stuff is bonafide 100 percent pure funk hider.  Yesterday Axe deodorant body spray reached iconic status in my bag of cycling tricks.

Combined with the wet roads and hills I worked up a good musty funk when we made it back to the cars after three hours of Northern Kentucky hilly goodness, the kind of funk that makes you turn your head and wince when you take off your jersey.  I stunk, not quite as bad as Rusty, the horse on Seinfeld when Kramer was a handsome cab driver, but close.  While I changed, I hit my pits and chest with the Axe and went about my day.  It was no ordinary day.

It was over 50 degrees yesterday in February.  When I got home, my wife wanted to spend some more time outside, so we went for a walk, a two hour walk through the neighborhood hills of Mt. Lookout and Hyde Park.  The 3 hour bike ride and two hour walk was then followed by an hour and a half of lumberjacking.  I lopped and hacked a big fallen tree branch in our backyard to bits and carted off the carnage to the woods behind our house. 

All told, I had 6 and a half hours of sweaty monkey lumberjack funk all over my body when I finally hit the shower at dusk.  When I took my shirt off, the same shirt I’ve been wearing since after my morning ride, I did not wince or cringe.  Instead I smiled; I could still smell the Axe deodorant spray.  Granted, it’s not even close to being a deodorant of choice in my book, but it certainly is powerful enough to mask some serious cycling, hiking, yardworking sweaty stinky skunk ass.  Thereby, I give Axe deodorant body spray The Best Bike Blog Ever* endorsement.

If you have no idea what “Bom Chicka Wow Wow” is, see video below.