#WWtBD: What Would the Beard Do?

I am convinced there is magic in the beard.

Some of you may have picked up that every year traveling to Cyclocross Nationals gets a little more complex. We keep adding pieces, parts, equipment, and people to the mix. This year, thanks to the generosity of a friend and the cycling community, we are taking it yet another notch higher - a 24 foot RV with a trailer waggling along behind.

While we were driving to Denver from Cincinnati I was amazed at the response to the RV. There were thumbs ups and acknowledgements from fellow RV drivers as we drove along, similar to what you will see when two motorcyclists see each other driving opposite ways on the road.

What amazed me was the number of acknowledgements that were from men with beards. Not all of them, I honestly can't remember how many, had beards, but a good percentage certainly were wearing a beard. One in particular was boisterous, waving, thumbs up, and almost more excited than I was about the RV as he passed. He was driving a mini-van and wearing a red sweater and had a long white...beard.  Wait a second.  We were particularly close to Santa Claus, IN when he waved at us.

The past couple days I have been pondering the power of the beard. Everyone has seen the Bike Knowledge to Beard Ratio, of which Cincinnati local Tom Swallow ranks highly, but I am now convinced this applies to RV travel as well. Whether the beard is a result of RV living or personal choice, there seems to be a certain wizardry that travels with the beard.

I am now in full awe of pro cyclocross racer Robert Marion.

Travel to Denver in an RV has made me realize Robert has reached wizard status on two separate, yet important, aspects of CX racing. Some may remember Robert from his attendance at Cincy3 and Derby City, or from the tour of his land yacht and accompanying fully stocked trailer that was featured on Behind The Barriers this past fall. No matter how you remember him, this RV driver is starting to channel his inner Robert Marion.

Planning an RV trip is harder than I expected. There are way more things to think about that I was expecting.

Where do they sell bulk propane? You can't exchange a cylinder out of an RV...What Would the Beard Do?

Where will we park over night if we need some sleep? I have a house with me, I don't need a hotel...What Would the Beard Do?

Diesel fuel only...got it...where is the best place to buy it? What Would the Beard Do?

Suddenly I have the urge to grow my beard - if I can't immediately have knowledge, maybe I can grow it? #WWtBD

If It Weighs Less Than Poo, It’s Not 4 U

Cyclists are the only American’s that can convert grams to pounds without using Google, masters of the metric.  So don’t tell me you’re grossed out and never considered how much “it” weighs.  If you drop your shorts and barefoot the scale the 2^nd thing in the morning, you are sooo guilty, but oh so smart.  If you’re going to drop 25 hundo on the new Sram Red to save 150 grams off the previous version, wouldn’t it be worth it to make sure you read the graffiti in the port-a-poddy before you roll up to the start line?  There’s cheaper and surprisingly pleasant ways to shed grams.

I’m considering a new Hydrapak hydration system.  My thought is that a lighter pack over the course of the 100k of the Mohican 100 MTB race in May will make for a faster Joe.  The Hydrapak Alivia tips the scale at an impressively sexy and svelt 7 ounces, 198.446 grams…definitely according to Rain Man.  The website says it nearly disappears on your back.  It should.  7 ounces is less than the weight of a spare 29er inner tube, listed at Competitive Cyclist at 219g.  However, if my hypothesis is correct, I can save pretty close to 7 ounces every day of my life by reading a couple pages of Road Magazine on the cold white chair next to the bathtub. 

Now I’m not going to fish it out and plop it on the scale, but I’m pretty certain the typical water breaker has to weigh 7 ounces, a bit shy of a half pound.  If not, I’m sure eliminating some incidental weight would do the trick, such as some of the electrical tape under my bar tape.  Yep, there’s more tape under that bar tape and you probably don’t need to have it double or triple wrapped in 14 places.  Pause now, if you need extra time to digest the term "water breaker."  

Throw Away The Broccoli and Keep The Band

Incidental weight is the weight of the things you never even consider when pulling the trigger at the local bike shop for a lighter weight bike-a-ma-jig.  It’s the dead bugs smashed and sunbaked on the front of your suspension fork and the mud caked under the crown.  It’s the big fat pink broccoli rubber band on your spare tube, the best rubber bands known to man.  It's three glopping fingers full of chamois cream when 1 finger full would do the trick on your taint.  It’s using a seatbag instead of your middle jersey pocket or the 7 inches of extra seatpost below the clamp.  It’s wearing deodorant for a bike race, because it's not about how fast you ride but how effortless it appears.  

For weight weenies sake, “Take a poo!”  It’s what we say to each other flipping through the pages of the latest Colorado Cyclist with the credit card by our side.  It keeps things in perspective.  It keeps us from dropping $300 dollars on a carbon railed saddle.  If it saves less than a poo it’s not for you.

Want Some Fancy Salted Mixed Nuts?  Boing!

Is that tube going to spring out of your pocket like a toy snake in a can if you don’t lasso it with that giant rubber band?  What difference does the 150g savings of new Sram Red make if you roll up to the start line with a typical 160g seat bag full of stuff you could fit in your jersey pocket?  Did you knock the caked mud from the bottom of your shoes?  Are you really going to be able to drink two full water bottles in a one hour crit?

Anyone of us can probably drop at least a half pound off their race-day set up without spending a dime.  Sure it’s not quite as sexy as a Sram Red solution, but now you know why cyclists really shave their legs.