Showing posts with label broken. Show all posts
Showing posts with label broken. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Fix It: Broken Cycling Jersey Zipper

Ka-bloop! Zip! Ka-bloop! Zip! So there I was at the table, my jersey zipper unable to cover up the spare tire. Ka-bloop! Maybe it was a sign. Maybe I’ve spent too much time reading the Fat Cyclist blog and not enough time riding. My jersey zipper broke during a post-ride lunch at Paxton’s revealing my untanned and untamed tiger trail exposed for all of Loveland to see. The little metal piece at the start of the zipper fell off somewhere. Great. I was THAT guy. Mom's covered their children's eyes. Eventually, I was able to zip it and roll the lower part of my jersey to keep El Gutto in check, for at least another 20 minutes. Then I got on my bike. Ka-bloop! Dammit. My riding buddies were quick to tell me that Widmers, the local dry cleaning chain, could fix it or I could send it back to Verge. At home, I had a stroke of genius.

In the laundry room were a few recent race bib numbers, still with their safety pins in them. The curve at the top of the pin that holds the pointy business-end caught my eye. It was the right length and, if cut in half, could simply be pinched on to my zipper to replace the little metal piece that fell off. Brilliant!

I broke out the wire clippers and snipped the curved piece in half. I slide the metal piece over the end of the zipper and crimped it with pliers. (photo shows an original jersey zipper on the left and my fix-it job on the right) Wah-freaking-lah! I zipped up. Zipped down. Zipped up. Zipped down. It worked to perfection. That's something to keep in mind in case of a race day blowout.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Brokeback Saddle: Fizik Arione Meets Booty

Dear Joe Biker,

Your ass is colossal. 

Love,

Fizik Arione

Is it a sign that I actually “got some back?”  That’s a photo of the underside of my Fizik Arione wing flex Ti railed saddle.  It’s cracked, humorously perpendicular to where my crack would be.  I didn’t crash, nor did Jackie Chan karate chop it.  Even though I haven’t been a fan of the Arione, I did not beat it with a baseball bat so I could rationalize another new bike part to my wife.  I was “just riding along” and broke it with my own enormous arse.

However, if there were a warranty left on this 3 to 4 year old saddle, I’m pretty sure it would not cover slamming my massive booty into it while bunny-hopping a double set of railroad tracks at probably 30mph.  It was a nasty set of tracks at the bottom of the hill somewhere northeast of Cincinnati, out in the rollers between Loveland and I’m guessing Goshen.  You know the type of tracks, ones where the asphalt is all topsy-turvy, the wood is rotten between the tracks and the uneven surface jiggles your arms like a handshake with a WWE wrassler no matter which line you pick to ride across.  So, I opted for flying.  I figure, the name Arione must have something to do with being airborne.  In fact, Fizik does brand the saddle as having “wing flex” technology.  For the record, I cleared ‘em…on a carbon Jamis Xenith road bike.  Upon reflection, I’m glad I left the beefy winter Thompson seat post in, or I might still be picking shards of carbon out of my taint and hamstrings.

I kind of heard a whump when my immense caboose made contact, but the saddle held up.  Remarkably, I got three more rides in before the crack I inflicted finally worked its way completely through the shell.  Note to self: “wing flex” and “Arione” have nothing to do with flying.  Road bikes are meant to stay in contact with the road.  While I thought about keeping it as a trophy of my particularly spectacular bunny-hop, I tossed it ceremoniously in the shop trash bin.  I replaced it with a swanky new orange Fizik Aliante that’s all matchy-matchy.  Butt bling.

Blogger note: this is the 100th post of The Best Bike Blog Ever*.  Thanks for reading.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Flanders Big Mama Bike Chains

Big men don’t cry.  They don’t walk either.  They insist on Flanders Big Mama brand bicycle chains.  

Big Mama is built with GX45 cold forged steel, recycled from bridges, tanks and locomotives destroyed in the Flemish battlefields of WW2.  Big Mama may rust, but Big Mama won’t bust.  

Big Mama bike chains feature 2.5 mm armored side plates and pins as big as your pinky.  All Flanders Big Mama chains are hand built in Belgium in the dead of winter by slamming each individual pin into the linkage with a cobble from the Koppenberg.  

When you absolutely need to make it up the hill or risk being dropped from the lead group and left wondering where in the F*** your team car is, ask your local bike shop for Flanders Big Mama chains, available in either the standard 4000g or the superlight 3750g version.  

Big Mama may not be light, but it’s better than carrying your bike.  When you want to freight train, buy the chain made from freight trains.  

Flanders Big Mama Bike Chains.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Hungry Covered Bridge Snaps At Jimmy, Jimmy Bites Back

It was dinner time.  Just coming out of hibernation of a relatively cyclist free winter, the bridge was hungry that day my friend.  Like the foul breath of a sleeping monster, you could feel the warm wet wind rush through.  Lying in wait for the perfect prey, the bridge let four pass its jaws before it set its starved eyes on Jimmy, the young meaty looking one.  Right away, the bridge could tell that Jimmy was different.  Obvious from the hundred yard approach, Jimmy’s shorts were black with no logos.  Jimmy's jersey was grey and baggy, making him appear plumper and juicier.  Oblivious to the hunger pangs of the bridge, Jimmy was marked before his rubber met the wood.  Doomed.

Jimmy wasn’t a newbie by definition.  Jimmy raced cyclocross last season.  Jimmy’s been mountain biking, but Jimmy still had to master a few odd ball trappings of the road, one being The Hungry Covered Bridge.  The four that passed knew the carnage that the covered bridge was capable of delivering.  At one time or another all had dabbed upon crossing, and although it’s never been confessed, I hear one had lost a wheel to the bridge.  The first four respected the bridge and its foot-wide deck boards separated by a wheel grabbing inch and a half gap from each other.  In turn, the bridge respected their skills.  Each rider no doubt could ride on top of a roadside curb for 75 feet without turning into the grass or dropping onto the street.  A foot wide deck plank was no trouble anymore.  Not for Jimmy.

The bridge could see that Jimmy’s handlebars weren’t quite as steady as the others on the approach.  Jimmy had a new bike, a beautiful Trek Madone.  Having ridden it for only a few weeks, Jimmy was still getting used to the racy feel, the Madone being more twitchy than a steady cyclocross our mountain bike.  Jimmy saw the first four enter the bridge on the right.  Probably guessing he should give the others some room, he stuck left.  Jimmy knew the bridge had gaps between the planks, but Jimmy didn’t know what the others took for common knowledge.  Probably being hand-built, the plank widths weren’t uniform.  The widest deck planks were about three feet right of center.  The bridge drew another foul breath and opened its jaws.

Jimmy entered the uphill appoach which placed him on a 10 inch wide plank.  Like a skilled rider, Jimmy knew the bike will follow the eyes.  Concentrating, Jimmy looked ahead down the bridge.  However, since he was entering on a hill, he had not seen the first few feet of the bridge's deck.  Jimmy’s mountain biking logic betrayed him.  Jimmy didn’t see that the plank he had entered on was thinner than the others, broken and narrowed to only 6 inches at the other end.  With an unsteady twitch of the new Madone’s front end, he veered toward the abyss, a five to six inch gap in the bridge deck.  Jimmy’s wheel dipped.  Jimmy’s bike flipped.  Jimmy nearly s*&%, but Jimmy bit back.  Literally.  With a big bone shattering chomp that echoed through the gaping mouth of the covered bridge, Jimmy bit that bridge with enough force to break his front tooth.  (Look closely at photo.  That's Jimmy's blurry tongue poking between his front teef)

Jimmy quickly got up and dusted himself off.  We inspected Jimmy’s bike.  Jimmy’s bike was still rideable.  Jimmy was shaken, but aside from the tooth, unbroken.  Jimmy picked up his tooth (seen in photo), stuffed it in his jersey pocket, mounted up and rode remarkably strong and in good spirits with the group the twenty or so miles home.

 Before he made a call to the dentist this morning Jimmy sent me an email to thank us for making sure he was okay the whole way home.  Jimmy added kiddingly, and I quote, “next time I cross that bridge I am bringing matches.”

For more history on the Hungry Covered Bridge read this previous entry titled "When It's Okay To Bail Mid-Ride"