Vintage Joe Biker: Cycling Sucks...I Mean Socks

The Contents of My Sock Safe

(Joe Biker Note: About twice a year, I like to take a break from the blog.  It's my chance to decompress and your chance to read some vintage Joe Biker.  This originally posted September 2007.  Enjoy.)


Remember the movie “Office Space,” where Jennifer Aniston had to wear flair for her waitress job.  I think cycling socks are like flair.  Don't "tisk" at me.  You know you love your cycling socks almost as much as your bike(s).  Face it, you and I are the weirdos who like a little flair, down there. 

Count ‘em up.  There are 24 pairs of cycling socks in the above photo.  2 dozen pairs of socks.  Some are brand new.  Some I won in race raffles.  Some I won as race prizes, after paying a $25 entry.  You have to love those cheapo promoters.

We’re moving.  I own a total of 27 pairs of cycling socks.  The other three, my faves, are in my kit-bag.  I actually did throw one pair away.  I lent ‘em to a friend, and they had such big ankles that they stretched the neck of the sock like George Costanza and the sweater on Seinfeld.

As I gathered up my socks to place in a high security sock safe for transport to our new home, I started laughing.  My God!  I have 27 pairs of cycling socks.  I literally could wear a different pair everyday for a month, if, I rode everyday.  More than likely, I could wear a different pair every time I ride for two months!

What got me giggling is that I had bizarre little reasons for keeping every single pair.  I’m no packrat.  I took a 4-Runner full of stuff to goodwill which had it’s share of old cycling stuff.  I gave away 4 sets of good mountain bike tires and a dozen and a half water bottles to friends.  Somehow, I can not part with cycling socks.

First off, they’re all in good shape.  They should be, when realistically, one pair only gets worn 6-10 times a year.  For goodness sake, they could be in good shape till 2025! 

Some were brand new socks, still attached by the plastic umbilical cord.  Can’t part with those.  I almost tossed a pair of red and black ones, and then realized I have an old Jamis Team kit, that they’d look spiffy with.  On and on it went.  Ooh, those are funny.  Those match this year’s team kit.  Those match last year’s.  Can’t part with those, they’re from Revolution Fitness, my wife’s team sponsor.  Then there's two pair of Independent Fabrications socks, and I love my IF Planet X.  Of course, I need one pair of black ones and one pair of the classic IF green.  Oh brother.

I have two pair with robotic little yellow and blue monsters on them.  They match my team kit, and are probably the socks that get the most “what the hell is on your socks” comments in the peloton.

So what is it about cycling socks?  It’s about flair.

Tags: Cycling, Socks, Flair, Jennifer Aniston, Revolution Fitness, Cincinnati, IF, Independent Fabrications, Bike