It's All Fobbed Up

Quite the opposite of the eureka moment of the Reese’s Peanut Butter cup discovery, my fob got in my Gu, or Gu got in my Fob, one of the two. It still works. Well…sort of. However, now when I use the fob to open the car door, I have to point it and press the button slow and deliberate like it’s a weapon on the old Star Trek series. “Spock! Use your fob!” “Patience Captain. It appears Uhuru dropped it in the Gu puddle back on Planet Stickimus.” The real issue is that you really can't clean Gu out of a fob. Sugary Gu does dissolve nicely in water. Electronics also dissolve nicely in water. If there’s any good news about my sticky fob, I’m sure if I ever were in a situation like Man Vs Wild’s Bear Grylls, I could find a way to extract the sugary content of the circuit board for “needed sustenance” to survive a week in Siberia while I try to find my way back to my car in China.

This of course leads me to how to keep the Gu Fob McDLT-ish ingredients from coming into contact with each other. I used to love McDonalds McDLT, the hot burger and cheese on one side of the container, the crisp lettuce and tomato on the other. Take a moment right now for the McDLT. Hopefully my solution will be as brilliant. Hopefully one day McDonalds will bring back the McDLT.

Guless Fob Solution #1: The Offspring

You gotta keep ‘em separated. Keep your Gu and food in the jersey pocket closest to your strong hand. I’m left handed. Gu goes in left hand pocket, key fob and cell phone in right, and tube & tools in the middle. If you have a Camelback, Gu goes in the strap pocket, your key fob goes inside. Or, put the Gu’s under the elastic of your shortlegs and the fob someplace else that’s not sticky, wet or hairy.

Guless Fob Solution #2: Move To The Boonies

Move to where you can ride your bike right out the door. That way you’ll never need to take your fob. You should probably also move to where you can leave your house doors unlocked, because some alarm systems and new door locks are now coming with guess what….fobs.

Guless Fob Solution #3: Forget The Fob

In most cases, it’s the key that starts the car, so there’s no need to bring the fob. Of course this brings up a whole new set if issues. If the car key flies out of your pocket when you spectacularly crash down an embankment and somehow you manage to get your carcass back to your car, you won’t be able to start the car to drive yourself to the hospital.

Guless Fob Solution #4: Don’t B Stoopid.

The whole reason Gu got in my fob is that when I ride, I keep my Gu’s under the elastic of my shorts legs. When I got back to my car and took off my jersey, I needed a place to temporarily stash my fob as I put the bike up on the roof rack. In my caloric deficit haze I stuck the fob under the elastic of my shorts legs and completely forgot that an expired Gu was under there. Maybe I should’ve had more to eat than Gu.