How Not To: Bring A Cell Phone On A Group Ride

“Peanut butter Jelly…Peanut butter Jelly…Do the Peanut Butter Jelly with a Baseball Bat!” My cell phone rang. I forgot to put it on vibrate before the ride. It was 10am. I was on the rivet, just about to be schooled on Steep Creek Road, as the name implies, a climb in Northern Kentucky. Again it rang. “Peanut butter Jelly…Peanut butter Jelly…do the Peanut Butter Jelly with a Baseball Bat,” sang from my jersey pocket. I had to answer, if only to spare my Sunday Iffy Ride companions from my Family Guy ringtone (play video above to hear what I'm talking about.)

First off. Apologies all around. It gets under my skin when people on a group ride don’t put their phones on vibrate. It really digs deep when people answer cell phones while riding on a group ride. I did both on Sunday, twice. Sorry guys.

Me: Hello? (huff…puff)

JJ: Joe? It’s Jon Jon. (a young coworker working on the weekend)

Me: What’s (huff) up?

JJ: Are you riding your bike or something?

Me: Yeah. (huff) I’m on a hill (huff) in Northern Kentucky.

JJ: Ha! Sorry man. I can’t find that sponsor file.

Me: I (huff) emailed it to ya. (huff) Check your (huff) work email.

JJ: Oh yeah. Cool. I’ll get it there. Thanks.

Me: No prob. See ya later.

That’s precisely the reason I put my phone on vibrate when riding. First off, you save your riding partners from your personal annoying ring tone. Secondly, if you have a stock ring tone, you save everyone else from thinking that their phone is ringing and taking their hands off their bars to check thier pockets. Thirdly, it gives you an opportunity to check your phone at the top of hills or at the next stop. Fourth, you can avoid work calls on the weekend. Lastly, you wont ever be put in the position of being in the middle of a hill, having to answer your phone to spare your riding partners and then forget to put your phone on vibrate so it wont happen again.

“Peanut butter Jelly…Peanut butter Jelly…do the Peanut Butter Jelly with a Baseball Bat,” jammed out from my jersey again. "Son of a…," I thought. But, it still made me laugh. You guessed it, I was on climb number two of the day, again about to be gapped and nearly wheezing like a donkey.

Me: (5 seconds of wind noise and fumbling) Hello? (huff/wind noise)

Char: Joe Joe! It’s Charlie! You riding?!

Me: Yeah. (huff) On the Iffy Ride. (huff)

Char: Oh! I was just calling to see if you wanted to ride, but you’re already riding, that’s funny.

Me: Yeah. (huff)

Char: Okay. Have a good ride.

Me: Thanks. (huff) See you (huff) later.

Char: Later.

Some people, like two friends that are pilots, are on call. You are forgiven. It’s commendable to try to eek in a ride when ya can. Besides, people on call usually are pretty good about letting the others know that they are on call and may have to bail mid-ride. If you need to answer the phone and possibly bail mid ride to make a buck more power to ya. Folks expecting big news, like your baby is being born…I guess that’s a decent excuse to answer the phone while riding. However, no matter the occasion, for the sake of your riding pals, when you put your phone in your jersey pocket, put it on vibrate.

“Peanut butter Jelly…Peanut butter Jelly…do the Peanut Butter Jelly with a Baseball Bat!” Oh you got to be f-ing kidding me!