Showing posts with label not. Show all posts
Showing posts with label not. Show all posts

Monday, March 7, 2011

Dropped & Lost at Podunk Place and Boondock Blvd

I’m square dancing on a bike.  I swear I crossed route 125 and 132…twice.  Allemande left and dosado.  I remember the Marathon gas station a few miles from East Fork State Park on 125 having more trees around it and it being sort of a Pony Keg.  I’m officially lost and according to the GPS in my head, at least an hour and a half from home.  That’s an hour and half if I rode straight back on the shoulder-less 45mph posted speed limit Route 125 without getting hit by a speeding Amelia pickup truck driven by a texting hillbilly.  The only thing that really saved me was my internal compass telling me if I kept riding basically southwest, I’d eventually hit route 52 along the Ohio River.  Whether I’d be 18 miles from home at that point, or 10, was the question.  The other question was, "How do I get from this unmarked intersection to something recognizable?"

I didn’t bonk.  I lost contact, (which what bike racers say instead of I was too weak or not in shape enough to hang with the faster guys on the climb.)  At the point of detachment, as Andrew from Zephyr Wheel Sports rode past me, I could’ve just turned around.  I was only 3-4 miles from Batavia, the sprint point for Cincinnati’s traditional Sunday morning Hyde Park Ride.  From Batavia, home was less than an hour away.  Had I hung on the climb, home still would’ve been 2 hours away riding with the big boys.  Eh.  I can figure it out.  I wanted to get at least 3 hours in anyway.  Who cares if I’m riding solo?  I have an IPod, a granola bar, tube/air, a full water bottle and a clue.  I put my head down and pressed on, hoping that I’d make contact at a busy intersection or they’d wait for me.

There is no waiting on the Hyde Park Ride.  That’s what makes it a great ride.  You hang, or you don’t.  Even though I’ve known every butt that was riding away from me for at least 10 years, and the racey part of the ride was over, I didn’t expect them to wait.  Friends or not, the minute you roll out off Awakening’s coffee shop in Hyde Park Square at 10am you better be prepared to hang with the bunch and find your own way back if you don’t.  I’ve been here before.  At least this time there was no terrible headwind, it was warmer than 34 degrees, I recognized a few street signs and I could still feel my fingers and toes.

7-8 years ago, on a similar Wednesday night ride, I got dropped.  A buddy noticed and fell back to help me get back on.  It was Dave Stewart, not long ago he had won the 2002 24 Hours of Snowshoe Solo, just two years after Stamsted was our local hero.  I had only known Dave maybe 2 years; our friendship at the time was mostly on the bike.  Dave told me to dial back the heart rate, keep it steady and hopefully if there was a lull in the bunch, we’d latch back on.  A few miles down the road, contact. 

Dave is also the same guy that once said, "You only get faster by riding with faster people."  In a way he meant to seek out getting dropped.  Seek out getting dropped and lost.  Seek out getting dropped, lost and wondering if you might bonk before you find a convenience store.  Seek out riding so far over your head that you contemplate calling your spouse to come out and pick you up at the intersection of Podunk Place and Boondock Blvd.  One day you will hang and every bout of self depreciation will disappear.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Bending Over In Front of Strangers: Cycling Fashion Tips

Call me a metro-sexual-cyclist, admitingly; I know who Stacy and Clinton are.  I wish they rode bikes or at least could magically appear as a pop up when people try to buy day-glo yellow and green tree frog jerseys online.  I wish TLC could do an episode of What Not To Wear about cyclists.  How cool would it be to nominate “that guy” who showed up on the last group ride?  Man, what I wouldn’t give to have Stacy and Clinton put them through the 360 degreee mirror of shame, throw out their entire cycling wardrobe, show them some examples of stylish looking cyclists and let them loose with a bankroll to spend. 

I only want you to look good on your bike.  Stacy and Clinton would say look the part, get clothes that fit and dress it up, pure and simple.  You don’t wear dusty fuzzy slippers to church, sweat stained clothes to a job interview or ripped jeans to your grandma’s.  Granted a group ride is no where as formal as a job interview, but I can't think of another sport where you spend most of your time bending over in front of strangers.  I shouldn’t be able to see the Grand Canyon through your threadbare shorts.  No one at the pre-ride chat should ever have to smell a week old funk from your trunks, even if you rode to the start of the ride.  Maybe there should be a shelf life sticker on cycling clothes, like: the specialness of this pro team jersey will sour upon the dismantling of the team.  Or, there could be warning labels such as: WARNING, this oversized yellow jersey may appear “comfortable,” but it will make you look like Big Bird. 

Look the part.  Riding with the racers, look like a racer, but don’t be a poseur wearing sponsor clothing if you’re not a sponsored rider.  Riding with the clubbers, skip the logos and find something that fits snug and matches.  Yellow and Black only match on Taxi’s.  Quit embarrassing Jimmy Page and save the Led Zeppelin jersey for the trainer.  Going to the coffee shop?  Wear what people wear at coffee shops, like uh, maybe, something not spandex.  No one sipping mocha wants to see how big your swizzle stick and beans are. 

Dress it up.  Realize that cycling fashion and cycling clothes have a shelf life.  Sorry to break it to ya, the purple jersey you got to match your anodized parts in 1992 is sooo 1992.  Not even the pros look good in yellow jerseys.  This year’s cycling shoes don’t come with laces.  Fabric should be thick enough so your hinder hairs don’t corkscrew through.  Jackets shouldn’t annoyingly flag flap in the wind or poof into an incredible hulk of a pup tent. 

If you forget every thing I just said, please remember this one simple last thought.  When you get dressed for your next group ride, ask yourself, “What would I wear if someone’s face was two feet from my ass?” 

For ideas check out the Velo Vogue Blog here.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Steven G Prepare For Doom

Dear Two Johns Podcast,

It’s Joe, the author of The Best Bike Blog Ever* and the proud owner of a new set of
Two John’s Podcast socks. 

I’d like to throw one of my readers into the snarling pit of Two Johns Podcast Fans. Yesterday I wrote an entry titled “Versus Gets Down With Down Under” about how I was excited to see that The Tour Down Under has been picked up by Versus, which will kick off the 2009 TV cycling season here in the states. 

Here is the first comment I received:

StevenG said...
Somebody needs to tell Versus to put some real bike racing on! Perhaps Cross Worlds and then maybe I'll watch. I did see the Tour of Flanders last year that was pretty cool(if I was a road racer that would be my race), and I enjoy the mountain stages, but other than that
road racing = boring.


It’s like he called my children ugly. I want to berate him and cleverly set him straight, but I can’t even muster a coherent thought. Since I am incapacitated, I’m hoping that someone else can set this fellow straight. Please help. 

I invite you to use this as fodder for
your podcast/blog and/or invite your readers to post comments to my blog. 

See ya on the roads,

The Best Bike Blog Ever*