The Most Elusive @Strava Segment Ever

In chest waders with a fly rod, I walked back from the creek after striking out fishing for Steelhead trout.  I wasn’t much of a bike rider then.  A camouflaged gentlemen rolled up the double track in a blue sun-faded early 80’s Chevy Imapla with black steel wheels sans hubcaps.  Using the crank on the inside of the door, adding to the backwoods drama, he physically rolled down his window.  Locking eyes, he quizzed me, “Nuttindoinaina?”  I stopped dead in my tracks.  A bit of water sloshed in my waders around my feet.  What the hell did he say?  Nuttindoinaina.  Miles from anything resembling civilization, I wasn’t scared, only caught off guard that I had to translate the native dialect in this land.  Nuttindoinaina was his way of asking, "Nothing going on huh?"  “Oh.  No.  Didn’t catch anything,” I answered.  He thanked me with a nod and a wave and drove off.  A few miles from the town of Gay (really...look it up), that was my first encounter with a real live native Yooper, a person from the upper peninsula of Michigan.  I’m thinking about going back, this time with a bike.

A Pastie is Like a Homemade Pot Pie

Traveling through Wisconsin, there is no physical border going into Upper Michigan.  It’s porous, sort of like Mexico.  The roads get skinnier, the signs for restaurants selling Pasties get more frequent and four wheelers seem to be the preferred mode of summer travel.  In winter they use “sleds.”  We call them snow machines or snow mobiles.  Coming through Lower Michigan however, you have the majestic Mackinac Bridge linking Mackinaw City with Saint Ignace in the UP.  It towers so high and stretches so long; you’d think a northern San Francisco is on the other side, not summer cabins.  As I discovered last night, the Mackinac Bridge is a Strava segment.  As I also learned, it must be the most elusive Strava segment ever.  I kinda want it.

It’s a 4.4 mile segment with 180 feet of elevation gain.  It’s a bridge, up one side and down the other for a zero net pitch.  The KOM is 16.1mph.  Don Kring of Grand Rapids bagged it in a time of 16:24.  I have no idea who Mr. Kring is since his Strava profile photo is a picture of a sock that says “I Heart Beer” but I thought I could easily take this one while on vacation.  There’s nothing better than bagging out of town segments, leaving the locals to scratch their heads wondering who “that guy” is.  It’s an odd segment; only 16 cyclists are on the leaderboard, not the triple digits we see in major cities or tourist destinations.  Still Mr. Kring’s KOM has stood since September 4^th, 2011.  Now I realize why he rests easy.  No one will have a chance to beat him for another few weeks. 

“If we go here, we are so doing this bridge,” I said to my wife.  I could average 16.1mph over four miles in cutoffs on a beach cruiser with a puppy in a flower basket.  Then I looked at Don Kring’s ride where he set the KOM on the Mackinac Bridge.  He rolled a very respectable 76.1 miles in 4 hours.  He ain’t no slouch.  He wasn’t riding platform pedals or stopping at the pastie-selling tavern I imagine on the other side.  There’s got to be more to this bridge than data allows.  

DALMAC2009

It's no bike path noodle.  There are deep dish wheel-yanking jacket-puffing 40mph winds howling across the deck.  I heard rumors of a steel mesh deck, sasquatches and trolls too, but haven’t seen proof.  Reader Holly told me she was once on the bridge in a car over Thanksgiving.  On windy days, the police will caravan the cars to limit the speed.  Halfway across, they closed the bridge.  Ice chunks were breaking loose from the cables and pelting Holly’s car.  I understand Mr. Kring didn’t set the KOM in November’s Edmund Fitzgerald sinking gale force winds.  It was early September, where temperatures are in the lower 70’s, the leaves start thinking about changing colors and Da Yoopers start thinking about their sleds.  Digging into it, nearly all the people on the leaderboard rode the bridge in September.  2^nd Place rode on Sept 2^nd, 2012.  5^th Place rode on September 6^th 2009.  

According to our readers on Facebook Jeni and Seldomseen, native Yoopers from what I gather, the bridge is only open once or twice a year for pedestrian traffic, otherwise it’s a freeway.  One event authorities open the bridge for is the DALMAC bicycle tour, which takes place annually from Lansing to Mackinaw around Labor Day.  However, the 2013 application deadline has passed.  It’s a multi-day bike/camping tour.  So now you can guess that Mr. Kring might have set that KOM with some heavy gear as he rode up and over the Mackinac Bridge with strong crosswinds.  Either that or he took part in the Mackinaw City Bike Tour.  This year’s event is on September 15^th.  Click here for details.  There’s still time for that, but only 400 some spots are available according to the website.  Like the Eminem song “Lose Yourself,” also a Michigan original, if you want this KOM, don’t let the opportunity slip.  The Mackinac Bridge is the most elusive Strava segment ever.

Goodbye Town Line Sprint, Hello #Strava

I taste what you call “Strava Glory.”  It’s sort of a sweet & salty mix of GU Energy gels and sweat combined with the odor of burning 350 dollar bills.  The Best Bike Blog EVER is now on Strava, sits on top of a Leaderboard and has a crown to prove it.  Better check your segments to see if you got knocked down a rung.  Ba bam!  Judo chop!

The problem is, I’m sort of having trouble squeezing my big head into my tiny .jpeg crown.  Still, I make no apologies for spending the equivalent of a week’s worth of family groceries on a GPS enabled cycling computer.  My Polar passed away and I enjoy a team discount.  So while you were out racing for real on Sunday, we went segment hunting in Northern Kentucky with my new Garmin Edge 500.

After the ride, unlike most people I know on Strava.com, I was able to toss my kit in the wash, take a shower, make a recovery shake and eat lunch before downloading my first ride file.  I know better.  While standing naked with their I-phone between their legs, sadly those who are addicted will find out there is not an App to cure jock itch and saddle sores.

Prior to our Sunday morning adventure, I virtually scouted segments of our planned ride.  In a way Strava turns the sport of cycling into a video game.  That sort of bothers me.  It brings cycling one step closer to Farmville.  You scoff at the ridiculousness of people paying real money for virtual world real estate, but yesterday I wondered what it would’ve taken for my teammate to sit up 10 meters from the top and let me have the segment?  Damn.  I drilled it with all I had.

There are no rules on Strava.  Segments aren’t asterisked with “drafted behind bus” or motor-paced by Vespa.  Sunday we returned favors, a lead-out for a lead-out.  That’s fair game I think.  Lead-outs are part of cycling.  But the next time we crest Amsterdam Road, I wonder how I’ll play it.  And it irks me that I’m even thinking of this.  Will I defend it?  Or, will I offer up some Strava currency to save my crown, an inner tube or air cartridge, a Coca-Cola or Snickers at the convenience store, a buck slid in the right hand jersey pocket.

The great thing about winning good ol' wooden town line sprints is enjoying the moment of glory among your peers.  As I log in and check the leaderboard on this 80 degree March day, I’m worried Strava is stretching the moment too far.  

It’s Not a Poseur Mobile, It’s the Bike Meant for Floyd Landis

The Best Bike Blog Ever Breaking News at Nine!  Joe Biker is…uh…could be…allegedly…riding a bike meant for pro Floyd Landis.  The evidence, slightly less foggy than an Ohio River morning, proves, but not beyond a reasonable doubt, that Joe Biker is not a pedaling poseur by riding a United Health Care Pro Cycling Team branded 2010 Kuota KOM, but instead is riding a freak bit of pro cycling memorabilia. 

Coincidence?  WE THINK NOT!  The facts tell the whole story…well, more or less.  ;)

FACT:  May 2008, The Best Bike Blog Ever meets Floyd Landis at the Mohican 100 MTB race in Ohio.  While enjoying some Magic Hat ales at the BioWheels team cabin the evening before the race, a picture was taken proving that Floyd and I are roughly the same height.  No doubt we ride the same size frame, 55cm. 

FACT:  November 17^th 2009 Floyd Landis and Ouch Pro Cycling part ways.  This is first clue that Floyd may not be riding a Kuota in 2010.

FACT:  November 17^th, the very same day, with Christmas around the corner and my wife feeling very generous with gifts this year, I inquire via email about purchasing a new Kuota KOM from BioWheels bike shop in Madeira, my team sponsor.

FACT:  November 20^th, only 3 days after the announcement that Floyd will not continue riding with Ouch, I get notice that BioWheels is “working” on a special deal for a 55cm Kuota KOM. 

FACT:  Amateur bike racers love the special deal and fantasizing about the prospects of saving loads of money especially on a carbon fiber rocket ship like the Kuota KOM. 

FACT:  December 18^th, while my deal is “working,” United Healthcare (formerly Ouch) announces its team roster, officially minus one Floyd Landis.  Proof that Floyd Landis remains a free agent without a contract for 2010.  Could his agent still be in talks with United Heathcare?  Possibly.  Could this be about the same time Kuota starts to put official team logos and clear coat it’s bikes?  Possibly.  Could they have been told to logo one up for Floyd, just in case?  It’s possible!  Sure, it is!

FACT:  A new road bike is pretty much useless on Christmas Day and no one does anything road bike related between Christmas and Valentine’s Day.  While still waiting on news of the “working” deal, I don’t worry too much about having the bike by Christmas and waste countless hours on the internet deciding which (of the three) KOM’s on the website to go with and like all bike geeks endlessly compare side-by-side photos of Easton and DT Swiss wheels with the photos of the frame that I found on the United Healthcare Pro Cycling Team website.  Floyd is also most likely waiting on news of his “working” deal.

FACT:  March 9^th 2010, The Bahati Foundation Cycling Team announces the addition of Floyd Landis to its roster officially putting to rest any rumors that Floyd would return to Ouch, now United Health Care.

FACT:  March 11th, only two days after the news of Floyd’s signing with Bahati, I receive mixed news that a 55cm stock Kuota frame is NOT available!  I’m shocked.  However, in the next breath I’m informed there is an “extra” 55cm United Heath Care Pro Team logo bike available at Kuota North American Headquarters in Canada.  Reeeaaaaly?  Hmm.  With the local road scene about to get underway, and looking at how nice the team sponsor logos were done, I say, “Heck ya!  I’ll take it!”  Especially to save a few bucks.

FACT:  March 17^th, I take possession of the 2010 55cm United Heath Care Pro Cycling Team Kuota KOM.  I realize that the facts don’t lie.  Behold!  I am not riding a poseur-mobile.  Instead, I own pro cycling memorabilia, the very bike meant for Floyd Landis, had he stayed with United Heathcare.  That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.