Plug your numbers into The Best Bike Blog EVER’s Cycling
Travel Formula™ and find out if the ride worth the drive.
HSR = or > HSD – F x DQ
(HSR) Hours Spent Riding should be equal to or more than
the (HSD) Hours Spent Driving minus the (F) number of Friends traveling with
you multiplied by the (DQ) Disappointment Quotient. I just blew your mind didn’t I? You might want to read that again.
Sweeky sweeky. The
hamster is running on the wheel between your ears. You put index finger and thumb to your chin
and ponder. You’re saying, “Hmm…he could
be on to something.” You know, I
am. I’ve practiced this theory for
years, only now have I put it to paper. Like
Einstein on a bike, I’m a genius. Of
course The Cycling Travel Formula™ all hinges on the DQ, the Disappointment Quotient
and slightly on the number of friends you travel with. It was precisely the reason I chose not to travel from Cincinnati to the cyclocross races in Columbus, OH and Bloomington, IN this weekend.
 |
| Only Crazy Glue Would've Saved His Teeth |
DISAPPOINTMENT QUOTIENT
The disappointment quotient is a measure of buzz kill, the
chances of something bad happening in the following six departments: a flat, mechanical,
disappointing result, domestic dispute, bonk or injury. The highest possible DQ is 6. Flats are separate from mechanicals, because
for some rides or races you may not bring a multi tool or a truing stand. Of course the DQ is completely subjective to
your personal situation. For example at the
Mohican 100, you could easily achieve a 6 by making your spouse mad by spending
your rent money on the entry fee, doing the race with no tools or food, crashing
in the rock garden and bonking at aid station 3. Since the round trip drive to Mohican from
Cincinnati is 6 hours, such a debacle would ruin the entire trip no matter how
many clowns you crammed in your car.
The DQ can be brought down by negating the possibilities
of those buzz kills. Depending on the
situation, a pump, spare tube, patch kit and/or pit wheels can negate the
chances of a flat. A multi tool, spare
chain pin or pit bike can nullify a mechanical.
A gift from Nordstrom could quell a domestic dispute. Then again, inappropriately spent money can
cause a domestic dispute. Be wise.
FRIENDS
In the case of a ride or a race with a potentially high
DQ, it mathematically makes sense to travel with more friends. Hence the hours of driving are directly and proportionately
affected by the number of friends in your car.
The more the merrier. The more
friends the less the chances of a total suckfest. Remember Aron Ralston, the guy who had to cut
his hand off to escape death in a Utah slot canyon? He drove all night to get there for a solo day
hike. Imagine if he took even one friend
along. A ha! He may still have his hand and not have had to
drink pee. That’s what friends are for,
a helping hand if you will.
HSR = or > HSD – F x DQ
 |
| Do The Math B4 You Mount The Bike |
HOW THE CYCLING TRAVEL FORMULA™ WORKS
Take Haw Ridge, TN for example. It’s four hours away from Cincinnati, 8 hours
of total driving. If you bring your
spouse, tools, plenty of food and water and a first aid kit with more than Band-Aids
and Bactine, the disappointment quotient barely registers, maybe a 1, only a
broken bone or a deep laceration could kill your buzz. To make the 8 hour round trip worth while you
need to have 4 friends in the car and ride for at least 4 hours, totally
doable.
MTB Haw Ridge TN:
HSR 4 is = or > HSD 8 - 4 Friends x DQ (1)
Sadly it’s what makes a cyclocross race in Bloomington,
IN a complete conundrum. Even if you
race the 60 minute Elite race, at the most you might ride is 2.5 hours with a
warm-up and cool down. Its six hours of
driving. With spare wheels, a pit bike or two, giant duffle bags and coolers the
most you can travel with is 3. You need
a negative DQ to make it work.
CX Bloomington IN: HSR 2.5 is not = or > HSD 6 – 3 Friends x
DQ
While I had a chance to travel with friends, the DQ for me was still too
high. When I opened the front door to
grab the paper on Saturday morning a blizzard of cat hair wafted up the
stairwell with the breeze. To cut my DQ
I would have to clean the house or risk domestic dispute. Of course spending the whole day on my feet hunched
over brushing toilets, scrubbing floors and vacuuming stairs increased the
chance of a disappointing finish especially against those fast Indiana
guys. I don’t have a pit bike and have
rolled tires in the last two races. My
DQ was nowhere near negative. I bailed
on the race. It just didn’t add up.
