The Leather Jersey: Who’s Cool Stages 10-15

For the first 9 stages, you were leaning towards Ted King for the overall, after his heroic attempt to make the time cut in the TTT with three broken testicles and his spleen hanging outside his jersey.  In Stages 10 through 15, some new contenders have emerged, like a one hander wheelie and a changing of the sprint guard.  Each stage of the tour we’ve been asking, “Who’s the coolest rider?”  It’s up to you to find the cool, a spirit you admire.  After this weekend we’ll know for sure.

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Let’s take a look back at stages 10 through 15 and who you thought was cool.

Stage 10 The Cold Shoulder

As the sprint launched going into the final corner, Cav and Argos Shimano leadout man Veelers tangled.  Cav finished 3^rd.  Vittel took the win.  Fingers pointed at Cav for deliberately riding through Veelers to make the corner on track with Greipel’s wheel.  Others cited Veelers for possibly impeding Cav’s line.  While I don’t agree with them, others said anything goes in the last 200 meters.  Personally, I saw Veelers flick his left elbow twice prior to peeling off the front of the train.  Maybe Cav didn’t see it, but that tells me Veelers at least tried to announce his intentions.  Neither gets the Leather Jersey on Stage 10.  We give it to the Argos Shimano teammates for stopping with the spatula to scrape the Veelers pancake off the tarmac.

Stage 11 What’s Cool in a Time Trial?

Sam Andy Schleck for pulling out an even more disappointing TT than we all thought him capable of!

If you fast forwarded to the last 10 riders, you would’ve missed the winning ride from Tony Martin 4 hours earlier.  Being obligated, he sat in the hot seat for well over 3 hours in the hot French sun waiting to take the stage win when the last rider Froome came up short.  While that was impressive, I’m going to give the Stage 11 Leather Jersey to Ten Dam.  I gravitate towards riders that turn themselves inside out, win or lose.  We spotted Ten Dam with a ten inch drool going from nose to mouth to chin to neck.  And for that incredible loogie, Ten Dam goes home in the Maillot Cuir on Stage 11.

Stage 12 Changing of the Guard

The top step of the podium seems shorter for sprinters.  In recent years we’ve seen Robbie McEwen, Ale Jet, and Boonen rise and fade.  On Stage 12 we got the first hint that Cav may have hit the crest of his wave, while Kittel stood up on his board and rode around Cav in a two-up battle.  Looking back in a few years, Stage 12 could be the day the sprint guard changed hands from Cav to Kittel.  For that we give Kittel and his Ivan Drago haircut the Leather Jersey.

Steven The Kittel boil over.

Stage 13 Honest Emotion

Darryn  Cav. He was so happy after winning that stage. Like a little kid.

With my boss, I always say there’s no middle ground.  It’s either great or it’s crap.  I think the same holds true for Cavendish.  It’s either a day like Stage 10 where you snatch a reporter’s recorder away, or it’s a heavenly harp glissando crowning achievement of glorious proportions.  Cav got his day on Stage 13 and he, like Jan Bakelants on his Stage 2 win, let the emotions flow as if this latest win was his first ever.  Raw emotion is always cool in my book, and for Stage 13 we pull the Leather Jersey over Cav’s shoulders.

Stage 14 Tofu in the Sun

You had no idea that Sojasun is Italian Tofu, until Julien Simon attacked a huge breakaway containing a few heavies like Jens Voigt, Tejay van Garderen and Marcus Burghardt.  It was a valiant attack.  You could hear his parents screaming at the TV as he threaded his way through the streets of Lyons lined 6 deep in Bastille weekend fans.  It was one of those pound the sofa and hide your eyes attacks, even if it didn’t make it.  You make Italian Tofu cool, and for that you get the Leather Jersey.

Stage 15 Sagan Wheelie

Jason He deserves leather for that wheelie!

This stage might be the one where you had the epiphany that Froome’s climbing attacking pedaling style resembles that of the motion you use when the sheets are tucked to tight at the foot of the bed.  However, we’re going to give the Leather Jersey to Sagan.  Not for the wheelie, not for the one hander, but for the one hander wheelie at the base of Mt. Ventoux directly in front of Team Sky at the front of the peloton.  When you go out the back, go out with a bang.

Ted   I'll see your sheet-kicking and raise you a sissy-fight between 10 year old siblings.

Voeckler Positive for Snatching Contador’s Body…and Other TDF Thoughts

Thor-too

Power, perseverance…pecs, Thor’s finish line salute would make a great tattoo.  Who couldn’t benefit from the power of a mini-thor on the upper arm?  What Would Thor Do?  Take it one step further.  It’d make a ridiculous chest tattoo.  Unzip your jersey and, ba-bam, say hello to the god of thunder ladies!

Klo-no!

Or, maybe, “Oh No-den!”  Kloden clipped out in the first hour of Friday’s stage.  While a bummer, at least I’m finally convinced that no one on Team Radio Shack is doping.  Apparently Horner, Popo and Bracko were one guy short of fielding a team the Grand Theft Auto X-box tournament in the back of the Radio Shack team bus.  No matter how hard I stomped on the couch cushions and scared my cats by shouting “Klooo-den” with a deep haunting German accent, he could not over come his injuries.  Levi was last seen loading up on mojos, rabbits feet, Italian horns, good luck charms and numerous translation guides to be able to talk with his remaining teammates at a Pyrenean gypsy kiosk.

Voecklador

Saturday’s stage with, exactly 43 HORS category climbs, the equivalent of doing 20 lactate threshold hill repeats on K2, looks so diabolical there may be more guys that miss the time cut than finish the stage.  HTC might have to give Cavendish a rescue beacon, a satellite phone and a pannier full of hoagie sandwiches to survive the stage.  If Voeckler is still in yellow after Saturday he should be tested for surgically removing his head and placing it on Contador’s body. 

Hooger TFU Award

Shouldn’t there be a Hooger-TFU Award in the tour for guys like Flecha and Hoogerland?  Something like a Free Pass, at least an equivalent to surviving getting hit by a speeding car, rag-dolled into barbed wire and finishing before the time cut.  They should be able to skip 3 stages, be booked in a 5-Star resort, retain their position on GC before the wreck, and be dropped off with a 5 minute lead in a town just outside of the Pyrenees.  Shit…they should each get a car like the one that hit them.  After the lawyers have a chat, they probably will…polka dot Audi’s with shiny 24-inch spinner rims.

HTFU: Hoogerland The F Up Bracelet

Shocking.  Tragic. Heroic.  Hoogerland makes the yellow jersey winning break, scraps with Voeckler for KOM points over numerous mountain passes, gets hit by a car, rag-dolled into a fence, shredded by barbed wire, miracurously remounts his bike and only after getting dropped miles from the finish line makes the time cut to claim the polka dot jersey in tears on the Tour De France podium yesterday.  Holy Hoogerland!  You just took HTFU to a ho…nutha…level. 

Hoogerland is now synonymous with cycling heroism.  Horner you get a close second buddy.  We all have our limits where we’d turn our bib number into the official.  I DNF’d in May at the Mohican 100 because I felt exhausted.  Even though I felt helpless, I could still physically pedal and steer.  Yet I chose to climb in the car versus struggling through the next 15 miles.  Looking back, worst case it might’ve taken me 2 hours.  Still, I rationalized that I could not go on, my goal was gone.  It wasn’t worth it.  What was Hoogerland’s rationalization?  A polka dot jersey?  Here he is carved up like a thanksgiving turkey by a rusty fence.  He looks like he survived a biblical whipping post.  He knows he got hit by a car.  His chamois has a trap door.  Where were the hysterics?  The only tears I saw were ones of joy on the podium.  It was almost as if there were no other option but to go on. 

Over the weekend I read a story in Outside magazine about the new Spot brand rescue beacons which are being marketed to through-hikers and backwoods adventurers and the namby-pambies who’ve hit the rescue button because of cold toes or over exuberant snoring from tent mates.  You laugh, but how many times have you given up on a race because of something ridiculous like exhaustion, a spat of road rash, a broken pedal?  It’s no different.  In the light of Hoogerland, HTFU just got a lot harder.  Hooger The F Up is more like it. 

That’s why for the limited time price of $19.95 plus shipping and handling you can have your very own Hoogerland bracelet.  It’s stylishly polka dotted.  It cannot be cut with barbed wire and will always get you to the time cut in time to stand on the podium.  It’s guaranteed to shut off all processes of rational thought and will make sure you finish what you set out to do.  Wear the HoogerTFU bracelet for those days when you don’t want to ride because it’s too hot outside.  HoogerTFU!  Wear it as a reminder that you can walk home when you break a chain.  HoogerTFU!  Wear it as a reminder that as long as you have a heart beat, can pedal, see and steer that you’ll always finish your race.  

The Other Men Who Wore Yellow, My Yellow

This is my 2000 Tour De France yellow jersey.  While there are many like it, this one is mine.  Few have seen it.  Ten years ago, a friend of mine worked as a broker for a bank in Amsterdam and through some connections came to own it.  When we visited, he passed the jersey onto me as a gift.  Ten years later, the color is still bright.  It’s never left my closet…except for once.  I couldn’t resist.  I put it on to see if it fit.  It did.  But I attest!  No one saw me, except for my wife and cats.  The honor of wearing this jersey in public still rests with the four men who wore it that year.  Yep.  Four.  Can you name them?  Without checking online? 

Digging into it, this jersey, even though it’s a commemorative one without the nifty full-zip in the back, has a story to tell.  Until a few weeks ago, I really only knew Lance Armstrong won the tour in 2000 and dreamed of getting this jersey signed by him, maybe with the help of some friends traveling to this year’s Tour of California.  The more I thought about it, as much of an icon status as Lance is and deserves, Lance’s command on the Tour de France blended years together.  During the Lance years, it wasn’t only Lance.  Many men wore the yellow jersey.  There was Ulrich and now Contador, and a whole list of other yellow jersey heroes with not so household names…the other men who wore yellow. 

Until a few weeks ago, the opportunity to get Lance to sign my jersey never presented itself.  He was in France, I was at home.  He was in Leadville.  I was…at home.  We couldn’t connect.  I though it’s time to seize the day.  Carpe Diem!  Then it occurred to me.  This jersey is not about chasing Lance.  This jersey signifies a 3 week battle for the highest honor in cycling.  In 2000, Lance didn’t win it on stage one and hold it till Paris.  There were 180 or so riders in the tour that year.  Of those, three others earned the Yellow jersey in 2000.  Wouldn’t it be great to get it signed by all four men: David Millar, Alberto Elli, Laurent Jalabert and Lance Armstrong?  Where are they now?  Who the heck is Alberto Elli?  I thought it’s possible that I might be able to have the jersey signed by Lance and David Millar at the Tour of California, but Alberto Elli and Jaja…oh brother.  This is a task that could consume a man for a lifetime. 

David Millar won the opening Time Trial in the 2000 Tour De France while racing for Cofidis.  Imagine that.  He beat Lance, the former winner, in a time trial.  I can’t picture him not wearing Argyle.  Millar’s now with the US based team Garmin-Transitions.  I assumed he’d be racing the Tour of California.  Not so according to the start list on the TOC website.  Dang it.  He’s racing the Giro and after a crazy stage 3, currently sits in 3rd overall one second behind Vino, the current maglia rosa wearer.  Good for him!  Clearly, Millar has bigger aspirations than the Tour of California.  Clearly, I’ll have to find another way to get Mr. Millar to sign my jersey.

I know Laurent Jalabert isn’t racing anymore, but maybe he’s involved somehow in cycling.  Maybe he’ll be at the Tour of California.  Well if you remember, Jaja wore yellow for ONCE in 2000 after winning the Team Time Trial.  In 2001, racing for CSC, the Frenchman won on Bastille Day, an honor in France that’s only 2^nd to becoming a saint and comes with the benefits of free baguettes and wine for life.  In 2002 he retired after winning the polka dot jersey in the TDF.  In ’05 he finished 391^st in the New York Marathon.  In ’07 and ’08 he competed in Iron Man triathlon events, finishing 76^th at the World Championships in Kona.  Now Jaja is a commentator for French television.  Guess I’ll have to make arrangements for the jersey to return to France.

What about this other guy named Alberto?  Aside from being a handsome Italian, winning a stage in the 2000 Tour De Suisse and the overall in Tour de Luxembourg, Alberto Elli wore the yellow jersey for 4 days in the 2000 Tour De France as the 2^nd oldest rider in the peloton.  2000 was Alberto Elli’s career defining year.  His savvy experience got him into a 12 man breakaway.  At the end of the day, the Duetsche Telekom rider was highest placed on GC and the yellow was draped across his shoulders without ever winning a Tour stage.  No doubt wearing the yellow in 2000 was the highlight of Elli’s career.  When the race kicked up into the Pyrenees, Lance took over the honor.  Then things went down hill.  In 2001 police found banned substances in Elli’s hotel room during the Giro.  In ’05, he was sentenced to 6 months in prison for the offense.  But, it’s 2010.  Maybe Elli’s still around.  He is.  Alberto Elli is currently the directeur sportif for Preti Mangimi Italian continental team.  I see a trip to Italy in my future.  I can deal with that.

So, while I’d be wobbly legged honored if Lance would lean across the security fence at the Radio Shack team bus at the Tour of California and sign my 2000 Tour De France yellow jersey, it would only be a start for this autograph seeker.  For better or worse David Millar, Laurent Jalabert and Alberto Elli are just as big of a part of my yellow jersey’s history as Lance.  The jersey deserves to meet them too and I’m a patient man.