Friday, July 15, 2011

Voeckler Positive for Snatching Contador’s Body…and Other TDF Thoughts

Power, perseverance…pecs, Thor’s finish line salute would make a great tattoo.  Who couldn’t benefit from the power of a mini-thor on the upper arm?  What Would Thor Do?  Take it one step further.  It’d make a ridiculous chest tattoo.  Unzip your jersey and, ba-bam, say hello to the god of thunder ladies!

Or, maybe, “Oh No-den!”  Kloden clipped out in the first hour of Friday’s stage.  While a bummer, at least I’m finally convinced that no one on Team Radio Shack is doping.  Apparently Horner, Popo and Bracko were one guy short of fielding a team the Grand Theft Auto X-box tournament in the back of the Radio Shack team bus.  No matter how hard I stomped on the couch cushions and scared my cats by shouting “Klooo-den” with a deep haunting German accent, he could not over come his injuries.  Levi was last seen loading up on mojos, rabbits feet, Italian horns, good luck charms and numerous translation guides to be able to talk with his remaining teammates at a Pyrenean gypsy kiosk.

Saturday’s stage with, exactly 43 HORS category climbs, the equivalent of doing 20 lactate threshold hill repeats on K2, looks so diabolical there may be more guys that miss the time cut than finish the stage.  HTC might have to give Cavendish a rescue beacon, a satellite phone and a pannier full of hoagie sandwiches to survive the stage.  If Voeckler is still in yellow after Saturday he should be tested for surgically removing his head and placing it on Contador’s body. 

Hooger TFU Award
Shouldn’t there be a Hooger-TFU Award in the tour for guys like Flecha and Hoogerland?  Something like a Free Pass, at least an equivalent to surviving getting hit by a speeding car, rag-dolled into barbed wire and finishing before the time cut.  They should be able to skip 3 stages, be booked in a 5-Star resort, retain their position on GC before the wreck, and be dropped off with a 5 minute lead in a town just outside of the Pyrenees.  Shit…they should each get a car like the one that hit them.  After the lawyers have a chat, they probably will…polka dot Audi’s with shiny 24-inch spinner rims.

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