Friday, January 30, 2009

Goodbye Spin Class, Hello Real Bike Rider...the latest in indoor cycling training

For as low as $19.95 per month (not including optional cranks, chain and flywheel) you can get the latest in winter cycling indoor core training technology. Presenting, “The Real Bike Rider,” as unseen on TV, or You Tube for that matter. That’s right! Improve your balance, core strength, criterium and mountain bike handling skills and train for the vertigo of cycling’s most challenging descents in the off season all in the privacy of your own home and at half the cost of a Real Ryder spin bike that's being shamelessly marketed to cyclists everywhere. It’s part spin bike, part abdominizer, part cute little horsey. The amazing Real Bike Rider bolts easily to your workout room floor with a hammer drill and four six inch galvanized steel bolts with lock washers. Get a portable base and use it in the living room or in the break room over lunch at work. Perfect and safe for all ages. Although, a helmet is highly recommended.

Use it outside. Its wrought iron construction is completely impervious to the elements and guaranteed to last through a nuclear winter. Execute turns, uphills and downhills just like you were riding an actual Real Ryder spin bike for a fraction of the cost all while remaining warm and indoors. Use it in front of the TV and make believe you’re in the pro peloton as you swing out wide and launch a blistering attack on your adversaries.

Act now and we wont even give you your very own Sham Wow and Snuggie! You following me camera guy? As seen on TV, the Sham Wow chamois soaks up something like 40 times its weight in sweat and the Snuggie will keep you warm and comfy in the basement. So now you can grunt it out for hours without worrying about damaging your fine hardwood floors with sweat or getting the post-ride chills.

But wait! There’s more! How ‘bout we throw in the optional cranks, chain, flywheel and a set of ergonomic handlebar grips for free? An unbelieveable value. Still not satisfied? Well act now and we’ll double your order for free. That’s right; you’ll get two Real Bike Riders for the price of one. Now, you can ride side by side with your spouse, teammates and friends all for the low low price of just $19.95 per month till you realize what a buffoon you’d be if you actually trained on one of these. Here’s how to order. Call 800-555-Ride. That’s 800-555-r-i-d-e. Once again, 800-555-ride. Some assembly and tools required. Offer not available in Alaska, Hawaii, Puerto Rico or anywhere for that matter. The Real Bike Rider is not really for sale. Any resemblance to an actual exercise related product like the one on the video link here is purely coincidental. Restrictions apply. See comments of previous blog article for details.


Jeff said...

For real indoor training, you might enjoy virtual cycling DVDs from Global Ride ( - top quality stuff for use on your own flywheel friend.

Joe Biker said...

Personally I prefer the my video collection of shameless web blog comment marketers getting bitch slapped, but thanks Dick.

John Taylor said...

I like this article, it was interesting for me.