Tuesday, April 7, 2009

A Morbidoni Accordian, A Yappy Dog...

What do the following items have in common?






In retrospect, all of these items could be in my house.  My mom played accordian.  AO Smith had a factory in Milwaukee where I grew up.  The neighbors had a terrier.  I once wanted a bangin' sub woofer in my Honda Civic hatchback.  I used to be really into fishing.  That planter box would make my patio pop!  And I confess, I once had a 156 average in bowling during my youth.  However, Abby the terrier included, according to the listed weights on their respective websites, they each weigh 16 pounds, more than my 15.56 pound Jamis Xenith below.



I told the guys at the shop to shut up when they told me the weight.  We recalibrated the scale and put it up again.  We moved the scale to another hook.  15.56 every time as pictured.  What's even more surprising is that even though this bike appears to have Zipp 404 tubulars, Sram Red and a carbon frame; the tubulars are the CX clydesdale version, it's not really all Sram Red, nor is the frame the lightest in the Jamis fleet.  It also has a Thomson seatpost, Ultegra cassette & pedals, TruVativ BB, Ritchey WCS alloy stem and EA70 bars.  No excuses now I guess.  Hmm...time to clean that bar tape too.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Flanders Big Mama Bike Chains

Big men don’t cry.  They don’t walk either.  They insist on Flanders Big Mama brand bicycle chains.  

Big Mama is built with GX45 cold forged steel, recycled from bridges, tanks and locomotives destroyed in the Flemish battlefields of WW2.  Big Mama may rust, but Big Mama won’t bust.  

Big Mama bike chains feature 2.5 mm armored side plates and pins as big as your pinky.  All Flanders Big Mama chains are hand built in Belgium in the dead of winter by slamming each individual pin into the linkage with a cobble from the Koppenberg.  

When you absolutely need to make it up the hill or risk being dropped from the lead group and left wondering where in the F*** your team car is, ask your local bike shop for Flanders Big Mama chains, available in either the standard 4000g or the superlight 3750g version.  

Big Mama may not be light, but it’s better than carrying your bike.  When you want to freight train, buy the chain made from freight trains.  

Flanders Big Mama Bike Chains.

Friday, April 3, 2009

What Is This Cincinnati Bike Rider Doing?


A)  Testing The Latest Big Screen GPS Unit from Garmin?
B)  Watching The Tour of Flanders?    
C)  Watching And Starring In A Dave Chappelle Show Skit?
D)  Rocking The New "Trucker" Helmet From Bell Sports?
E)  Heading Home After Getting His Ride Pimped?
F)  Starting The Craze For The Latest "Utility" Bike?
G)  Demonstating The New Ultra-light Pannier Bag From Hefty?
H)  Proving That He Can Out Climb Most Pro's?
I)  Enjoying His Last Hour Of Freedom On Price Hill's Cobbles?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Hungry Covered Bridge Snaps At Jimmy, Jimmy Bites Back

It was dinner time.  Just coming out of hibernation of a relatively cyclist free winter, the bridge was hungry that day my friend.  Like the foul breath of a sleeping monster, you could feel the warm wet wind rush through.  Lying in wait for the perfect prey, the bridge let four pass its jaws before it set its starved eyes on Jimmy, the young meaty looking one.  Right away, the bridge could tell that Jimmy was different.  Obvious from the hundred yard approach, Jimmy’s shorts were black with no logos.  Jimmy's jersey was grey and baggy, making him appear plumper and juicier.  Oblivious to the hunger pangs of the bridge, Jimmy was marked before his rubber met the wood.  Doomed.

Jimmy wasn’t a newbie by definition.  Jimmy raced cyclocross last season.  Jimmy’s been mountain biking, but Jimmy still had to master a few odd ball trappings of the road, one being The Hungry Covered Bridge.  The four that passed knew the carnage that the covered bridge was capable of delivering.  At one time or another all had dabbed upon crossing, and although it’s never been confessed, I hear one had lost a wheel to the bridge.  The first four respected the bridge and its foot-wide deck boards separated by a wheel grabbing inch and a half gap from each other.  In turn, the bridge respected their skills.  Each rider no doubt could ride on top of a roadside curb for 75 feet without turning into the grass or dropping onto the street.  A foot wide deck plank was no trouble anymore.  Not for Jimmy.

The bridge could see that Jimmy’s handlebars weren’t quite as steady as the others on the approach.  Jimmy had a new bike, a beautiful Trek Madone.  Having ridden it for only a few weeks, Jimmy was still getting used to the racy feel, the Madone being more twitchy than a steady cyclocross our mountain bike.  Jimmy saw the first four enter the bridge on the right.  Probably guessing he should give the others some room, he stuck left.  Jimmy knew the bridge had gaps between the planks, but Jimmy didn’t know what the others took for common knowledge.  Probably being hand-built, the plank widths weren’t uniform.  The widest deck planks were about three feet right of center.  The bridge drew another foul breath and opened its jaws.

Jimmy entered the uphill appoach which placed him on a 10 inch wide plank.  Like a skilled rider, Jimmy knew the bike will follow the eyes.  Concentrating, Jimmy looked ahead down the bridge.  However, since he was entering on a hill, he had not seen the first few feet of the bridge's deck.  Jimmy’s mountain biking logic betrayed him.  Jimmy didn’t see that the plank he had entered on was thinner than the others, broken and narrowed to only 6 inches at the other end.  With an unsteady twitch of the new Madone’s front end, he veered toward the abyss, a five to six inch gap in the bridge deck.  Jimmy’s wheel dipped.  Jimmy’s bike flipped.  Jimmy nearly s*&%, but Jimmy bit back.  Literally.  With a big bone shattering chomp that echoed through the gaping mouth of the covered bridge, Jimmy bit that bridge with enough force to break his front tooth.  (Look closely at photo.  That's Jimmy's blurry tongue poking between his front teef)

Jimmy quickly got up and dusted himself off.  We inspected Jimmy’s bike.  Jimmy’s bike was still rideable.  Jimmy was shaken, but aside from the tooth, unbroken.  Jimmy picked up his tooth (seen in photo), stuffed it in his jersey pocket, mounted up and rode remarkably strong and in good spirits with the group the twenty or so miles home.

 Before he made a call to the dentist this morning Jimmy sent me an email to thank us for making sure he was okay the whole way home.  Jimmy added kiddingly, and I quote, “next time I cross that bridge I am bringing matches.”

For more history on the Hungry Covered Bridge read this previous entry titled "When It's Okay To Bail Mid-Ride"

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Bike On The Moon But First, Antarctica

(Houston, TX - 04.01.09) The hatch of a former Apollo space capsule slammed shut this morning behind a pair of French ultra endurance cyclists who will spend three months of isolated training to simulate conditions for an upcoming attempt to circumnavigate Antarctica on a tandem mountain bike, funded by Fulzaprilidev, a private Russian space travel company.  The two must now live in the cramped refrigerated facility until the experiment ends 104 days later, allowing coaches and scientists to assess the effects of isolation and cold on their minds and bodies.  If successful the duo will proceed with their plans for Antarctica and may one day ride on the moon.

 

"How do I feel?  I am very motivated. There is a kind of relief. We have been working for a long time and finally we are getting to the start point," French Captain Avril Tompe Le Jour told reporters just hours ahead of the experiment.  "The challenge is to live and ride with the same person for a long period but it is a positive challenge. I think we are going to learn a lot about each other," added his Stoker teammate Très Drôle.  "The aim is to test the physiological and psychological effects of cold and isolation.  And, like the moon and Antarctica, this capsule is without a bicycle shop," he added.

 

(pictured left: Avril Trompe Le Jour on an training ride in the French Alpes) The two climbed into the facility at Houston’s Space Institute of Biomedical Problems (SIBMP) at 12:01 am CST and the hatch was firmly closed behind them.  They will not emerge again for the next three months unless they decide to pull out of the experiment for health or personal reasons.  “Unfortunately, we will miss half of the Tour De France,” Le Jour joked.  The cyclists will be allowed to take small personal effects like books, laptops and DVDs into the facility but, aside what would fit in the packs affixed to their specialized tandem bicycle will otherwise be sealed away from the world.  They will be travelling nowhere, but the aim of the experiment is to imitate the need for full autonomy that the three month circumnavigation of Antarctica will entail. 

 

As with a real trip, the supplies for the expedition have been painstakingly worked out in advance and no additional goods will be allowed to enter the capsule once the experiment starts.  In a bid to precisely simulate possible scenarios of a tandem circumnavigation around Antarctica, communications with the outside world will be limited to the battery life of a satellite phone.  They will be limited to two sets of cycling clothes each.  The workouts have been personally designed for the athletes to allow them to almost exactly simulate the rigors of riding on the ice for hours at a time. The former craft has been transformed and is made of three modules: one tent-size for sleeping, one refrigerated room that houses the knobby treaded tandem on rollers with a computer to track mileage and measure vital athlete biomedical information, and a third, just big enough to store the tools, food and supplies that would normally fit into panniers and highly modified carbon fiber trailer. 

 

The experiment is a joint project between a Fulzaprilidev, the SIBMP and the Ultra Endurance Cycling League (UECL) and will eventually lay the path for an as yet unplanned privately funded lunar attempt.  The three organizations are planning at the end of the year to send two more cyclists into the isolation facility for 205 days -- the estimated duration of a tandem bicycle trip around the southern pole of the moon. 

 

The two were chosen from a pool of over 4109 elite cyclists including American Triathlete April Foolsday.