Showing posts with label flanders. Show all posts
Showing posts with label flanders. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Cycling God Totem: De Vlaeminck Drops

In a previous post, Fabian Cancellara was moved down the The Best Bike Blog EVER's Cycling God Totem for post Flanders and Paris-Roubaix douchyness.  He is still not forgiven.  Like I said before, "...I don't care if my cycling gods win.  I prefer them to be heroic with a hint of humility."  Like Kramer said on Seinfeld once, "Poise Counts!"  Today, Roger De Vlaeminck moved a couple notches down the Cycling God Totem for comments he made about the rest of the peloton after Boonen's win at Paris Roubaix.  With that win, Boonen moved up.

Sure, Boonen was the man on Holy Sunday, deserving of the spot between Cancellera and Lance.  But to have De Vlaeminck label Boonen's competition at Paris-Roubaix as 3rd rate riders drips with douchyness.  Let's take note of the so called "3rd Rate" riders finishing behind Boonen: Thor Hushovd, George Hincapie, Flecha, Stuart O'Grady....while not competition for the win, even the 3rd rate Andre Greipel managed to get the bell on the velodrome with a group only 13 minutes down.  Of the 86 finishers, there's a lot of hard men on the list.

While Boonen has had his own personal problems (sniff) and as of yet has not posted wins at San Remo and the Giro Di Lombardia (which apparently is a measuring stick for De Vlaeminck,) we disagree with Roger and move Boonen ahead of De Vlaeminck on the Cycling God Totem.  Keep it up De Vlaeminck, the next totem notch is underground.  


Totem order: Eddy, Marco, Hinault, Lance, Boonen, Cancellara, De Vlaeminck.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Top 10 April 1st Cycling Headlines

Hipsters Beware
Hipster Killed Locking Bike To Top of Electric Fence

Shotgun Out: Ohio Valley CX Gun Club Race To Get Rocket Propelled Grenade Start

Jimmy Carter Wins Nobel Peace Prize For Ending Cyclocross Air Pressure Debate

Cobble Gripping Suction Cup Tires To Debut at Tour of Flanders

Pure CO2 Inflation
Topeak Unveils New CO2 Tire Pump: “You Blow”

Mr. Katie Compton Changing Name to Mark Fucking Legg Compton

Border Patrol Agents Seize 47 Pounds of Weed In Frame of Downhill Mountain Bike



Tire Scab: Stan’s Revolutionary Bio-Tubeless System Uses Animal Cells To Self Heal Punctures
Model of Cobble Sector 14

Worried About Hip Fracture Hincapie Training For Paris Roubaix on Nerf Cobblestones

Weight Weenie In Hospital After Failed Test of Nylon Helmet Stuffed With Packing Peanuts

Monday, April 6, 2009

Flanders Big Mama Bike Chains

Big men don’t cry.  They don’t walk either.  They insist on Flanders Big Mama brand bicycle chains.  

Big Mama is built with GX45 cold forged steel, recycled from bridges, tanks and locomotives destroyed in the Flemish battlefields of WW2.  Big Mama may rust, but Big Mama won’t bust.  

Big Mama bike chains feature 2.5 mm armored side plates and pins as big as your pinky.  All Flanders Big Mama chains are hand built in Belgium in the dead of winter by slamming each individual pin into the linkage with a cobble from the Koppenberg.  

When you absolutely need to make it up the hill or risk being dropped from the lead group and left wondering where in the F*** your team car is, ask your local bike shop for Flanders Big Mama chains, available in either the standard 4000g or the superlight 3750g version.  

Big Mama may not be light, but it’s better than carrying your bike.  When you want to freight train, buy the chain made from freight trains.  

Flanders Big Mama Bike Chains.