Sunday, We Raced The Train

A handful of riders were polled.  What makes a good group road ride?  They answered: a steady pace, the “best” riders in town, a challenging route.  Obviously those 5 riders skewed the results by having Bath Salts in their water bottles.  I’d answer with road rarity, pleasant conversation, good friends, animal sightings, blue skies, temperature in the mid 70’s, low humidity, great views, and a small general store.  If you said average speed, few stops or anything having to do with physically riding the bike, you need to stop treating your bathroom as a pantry. 

Rolling To Visalia on Decoursey Pike in Kenton Co. KY

“Looks like I missed a good one yesterday,” Mitch, the owner of BioWheels bike shop, said to me Monday night.  “Yeah.  Great route.  Nice pace.” I tossed back too quickly.  Before my Bath Salt brain could dig for specifics, the phone rang.  Mitch answered.  I finished the conversation in my head as I concentrated on wrapping my wife’s handlebars with new tape and getting the spacing just right, no visible logos.  I’m thinking maybe it was the chat at the Visalia convenience store’s picnic table that made the ride so special.  I’m not sure what it was about, but it was light hearted, definitely not politics or even a hint of negativity.  Then I remembered the turn off the beaten path up a road called Moffett in rural Kenton County Kentucky.  To date, there are only 4 people on the Moffett Strava Segment KOM list, all of them on Sunday’s ride.  The climb crested at a farm with two horses at the fence, one umbrella tree an infinite amount of green rolling hills.

In Cincinnati, people rave about the Hyde Park Kroger grocery store with an in-house Starbucks, Sushi chef and wine tasting bar.  While the price tag of the designer jeans and shades of Eastside shoppers may rival the carbon fashion show I see on the Wednesday night ride, the best cycling food stops have no aisles.  There’s nothing better than leaning your bike under a hand painted sign that reads “General Store” and hearing your cleats clop across boot-worn splintering hardwood floors.  You better bring cash.  They make change from a lock box.  If they do take credit cards, the scanner is the analog beep-booop-beee type.  Better yet, they don’t sell gas.  In our area I’m partial to the Claysville and Rabbit Hash General Stores.  It’s a well earned 2 hour ride to either.  Third on my list is the store we stopped at Sunday in Visalia where 536 crosses the Licking River.  While it’s not as historic, far away or nostalgic, it has a picnic table out front.  If you approach from the South, it comes as a nice highlight at the end of a two mile one lane road that parallels the railroad tracks called “Vises Trail.”  Sunday, we took the turn off under the bridge and raced the train as its whistle screamed loud enough to raise goose bumps on my legs.

Technically, it is a barn.

Even after living here for 12 years, a former cheesehead, Kentucky horse farms still hold a mystique for me.  The horse farm on Sunday’s ride was small compared to those outside of Lexington.  There you’ll see horses along the white roadside fence with gorgeous shiny brass bridals, some even with their name on them.  In the distance, the freshly painted wooden fencing leads to an exquisite barn that makes your suburban home look like a refrigerator box under an overpass.  Periodically, you’ll see horses with hoods over their heads, ghost horses.  At first glance it seems a little cruel their eyes are covered up.  Yesterday the horses didn’t have hoods and their whole heads were swarming with flies.  I learn something every time.  The two, one brown one black, were grazing under a tree near the top of the Moffett Road climb.  It was the only patch of shade in their corral.  I felt bad our presence made them shy away and saunter into the sun.  Still it was gorgeous.  We were on top of a ridgeline, horses in the foreground and a sea of soft green hills and valleys in every direction.

What were we talking about again?

#GU Brew Tongue Test: Science Dammit

It's Like A Giant Smarties Candy...but not really.

Before MythBusters, you used to wonder what would happen if you stuck a Mentos candy into a bottle of Diet Coke.  The myth is true.  It causes you to repeat 7^th grade.  Now you’re all growed up, passed Organic Chemistry 202, enjoying a nice career, spending discretionary income on your cycling obsession and while getting ready for a ride, you check the expiration date on your health insurance card and wonder.  What would happen if I stuck a GU Brew tablet on my tongue? 

Leave it to our highly educated readers to find out.  Reader Jeni is a bright young woman.  She’s got a big watermarked fancy degree on her wall, a solid career job and a cute romance going.  She’s healthy, wise and working on the wealthy part.  This week she stuck a GU Brew tablet on her tongue.

GU Brew are electrolyte tablets.  They replace the good stuff you loose through sweat while working out.  Surprisingly to my aversion to puckering, the Tri-Berry and Pink Grapefruit are my favorites.  Not too tart, not too sweet.  You just ker-plunk a tablet into your water bottle and let it fizz.  Make sure to leave the sippy top of your bottle open…or you may have to repeat 7^th grade.

Contrary to urban legend you do not start foaming at the mouth, develop a forked tongue, gain the ability to put ornamental wooden discs in your lip, or lisp like a contest on Project Runway if you were to regress to your 7^th grade Pop Rock days and lay a GU Brew tab on your tongue.  According to Jeni and some others who have tried it, it’s sort of a little tingly, a little sandy, a bit meh and rather disappointing.   Best to use them as intended, in your water.

Jeni is racing Barry-Roubaix this weekend.  Say hi and wish her the best of luck.  For her bravery and daring we have arranged a GU Energy care package for Jeni...use as directed.

Ask This Old Bike: Klein Kunundrum

Dear Ask This Old Bike,

Do you know of anybody that would be interested in this bike?  It is (my brother’s) Klein and was bought new for $2000. I could be wrong but thought he said it was a 60 inch frame.  I could get more info from him if you want.

Hugs & Kisses,

Your #1 Fan Forever

Dear #1 Fan Forever,

I can ask around and let you know.  You’d be looking for someone just getting into cycling…a really tall guy on a budget getting into cycling, like maybe one of the college basketball players whose NBA dreams were crushed in the NCAA tourney last week.  This is a 60cm frame.  If it was 60 inches, you might have to sell it to Godzilla.  Although I can’t see the model name on the top tube, Klien is/was a nice brand.   This is a road bike, with time trial bolt-on bar extensions.  I’ll guess it’s probably 10-12 years old, judging from the brake/shifters, quill stem, and standardish spoked alloy wheels.  Even though it was a relatively decent bike in its day, it shows it’s age and is missing a few parts that could be important to riding a bike, like, uh, pedals and a saddle. 

On the plus side: it has middle tier Shimano 105 components, appears to have newer tires, is clean and white (which is very “in” right now like Lady Gaga.)  I’d suggest buying a saddle and pedals, even used.  Most bike shops have used saddle and pedal bins where you might be able to pick up something cheap.  Also, I’d get a bike shop to put some new handlebar tape on it.  That faded pink speckled bar tape, although nicely done, is Ugly Betty and very personal.  I’d suggest white, black or blue tape (to match the tires).  Switching bar tape and finding some used pedals and a saddle is very inexpensive and the money invested would result in a quicker sale and higher price.   Lastly, I’d suggest taking the TT bars and elbow cups off.  They’ll have no impact on the bottom line sale of the bike and you might get a few extra bucks selling them separately.   

I’d guess you might be able to get $325-450 for it.  That’s $325 as-is but WITH some sort of a saddle.  It’s acceptable to sell road bikes without pedals.  I think $450 is possible if you follow my suggestions, find a racer-ish saddle, some decent clipless pedals, clean up the bike, take great photos of it and provide a full list of components and specs to buyers on ebay.  In the meantime, I’ll throw it to the sharks.  I mean I’ll ask our readers on Facebook and see what they say.

John  is the Ridgid Shop Vac included?

Brett fixie project?

Fred First generation 105 8s STI. Wouldn't ask much for it.  If it's in reliable shape, $400-$450. (less if components are rough.)

Jaden (I know someone who) would probably pay $50 for the crazy bar tape, even used.

Dave Reflectors still intact.  I'll guess 1995.  Shifters are worth a surprising bit. $250 complete. Parts could fetch 400.

Jason‎ 150-200, tops. You guys should have noticed that it is missing the saddle.

Kevin no pedals?? Now how are going to ride a bike without pedals or seat. ;) 

Corey…it appears to be a threaded steerer with a quill stem.  Wait...is that a Thomson seatpost? That would increase my bid by $40.

Zach ‎$10,000. it's a Klein, not made anymore, so very collectible. And it's got collectible Scott Neon Lay down bars.  Total bonus.

Rick I did have that bar tape on my bike about 15 years ago.

Andrew Looks like someone made the mistake of locking their bike up by the saddle.

Tom you need to take it Iowa and have Mike and Frank at Antique Archaeology apraise it, it looks farm fresh so it it good pickens:)

If interested, message us on Facebook by clicking here

In The Tour De France Mind Of Columbia HTC's Bradley Wiggins

I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. Ya know, Bert Grabsh really looks like a tube of braunschweiger in his rainbow skinsuit. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m coo-coo for Weetabix. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I heard Boonen was racing. Where the heck is he? I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. Maybe I should’ve went with the blue shades. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I am soo sick of looking at Kloden’s butt. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris. I’m taking it day by day till Paris.

Facebook Friday: What's THAT In Your Jersey Pocket?

It’s Facebook Friday on The Best Bike Blog Ever*. Every Thursday Facebook friends answer a burning cycling related question and every Friday the answers are posted here. If you’d like to join the fun, send a friend request with a note about “Facebook Friday” via the facebook link on the right side-bar. Today’s question is:

It's not a tool, money, ID or key...What is the oddball thing that you must carry on your ride?

ERIC:

My sarcastic wit

MARTY:

I rode Mohican with my recently deceased cat’s picture mounted to my handlebar! Moe-hican I called it...

BRIDGET:

Wet naps.

SHANNON:

Don't know about oddball, but I carry a very tattered photo of me and my daughter from when she was about three months old. It's a talisman.

KATE:

Chapstick and Tums.

SUSAN:

An old short pencil wrapped with 3-4 feet of duck tape. Ya never know. Usually I use a piece of it at least twice for something on a ride every year. In 98 we used it in W. Virginny to stabilize my friend's dislocated shoulder and ride (slowly) back to the car.

RYAN:

A pen and a little note pad so I can write down license plate numbers on the fly, Would carry a 9mm, but then I'd be in jail.

JAMES:

A Holga camera — it's lightweight and makes everything you shoot look 30 years old.

Bending Over In Front of Strangers: Cycling Fashion Tips

Call me a metro-sexual-cyclist, admitingly; I know who Stacy and Clinton are.  I wish they rode bikes or at least could magically appear as a pop up when people try to buy day-glo yellow and green tree frog jerseys online.  I wish TLC could do an episode of What Not To Wear about cyclists.  How cool would it be to nominate “that guy” who showed up on the last group ride?  Man, what I wouldn’t give to have Stacy and Clinton put them through the 360 degreee mirror of shame, throw out their entire cycling wardrobe, show them some examples of stylish looking cyclists and let them loose with a bankroll to spend. 

I only want you to look good on your bike.  Stacy and Clinton would say look the part, get clothes that fit and dress it up, pure and simple.  You don’t wear dusty fuzzy slippers to church, sweat stained clothes to a job interview or ripped jeans to your grandma’s.  Granted a group ride is no where as formal as a job interview, but I can't think of another sport where you spend most of your time bending over in front of strangers.  I shouldn’t be able to see the Grand Canyon through your threadbare shorts.  No one at the pre-ride chat should ever have to smell a week old funk from your trunks, even if you rode to the start of the ride.  Maybe there should be a shelf life sticker on cycling clothes, like: the specialness of this pro team jersey will sour upon the dismantling of the team.  Or, there could be warning labels such as: WARNING, this oversized yellow jersey may appear “comfortable,” but it will make you look like Big Bird. 

Look the part.  Riding with the racers, look like a racer, but don’t be a poseur wearing sponsor clothing if you’re not a sponsored rider.  Riding with the clubbers, skip the logos and find something that fits snug and matches.  Yellow and Black only match on Taxi’s.  Quit embarrassing Jimmy Page and save the Led Zeppelin jersey for the trainer.  Going to the coffee shop?  Wear what people wear at coffee shops, like uh, maybe, something not spandex.  No one sipping mocha wants to see how big your swizzle stick and beans are. 

Dress it up.  Realize that cycling fashion and cycling clothes have a shelf life.  Sorry to break it to ya, the purple jersey you got to match your anodized parts in 1992 is sooo 1992.  Not even the pros look good in yellow jerseys.  This year’s cycling shoes don’t come with laces.  Fabric should be thick enough so your hinder hairs don’t corkscrew through.  Jackets shouldn’t annoyingly flag flap in the wind or poof into an incredible hulk of a pup tent. 

If you forget every thing I just said, please remember this one simple last thought.  When you get dressed for your next group ride, ask yourself, “What would I wear if someone’s face was two feet from my ass?” 

For ideas check out the Velo Vogue Blog here.

Getting Shlecked A Letter To The Best Bike Blog Ever About The Shleck Brothers

To: The Best Bike Blog Ever

Fr: Adam (a die hard fan of The Best Bike Blog Ever*)

Re: Getting Shlecked

02/27/09

I'm giving this question to you because of your abilities as a wordsmith. If some said, "That rider just got Schlecked," what would that mean to you? It sounds kind of slanderous and humiliating. I like the sound of it.

For real,

Adam

(Frank & Andy Shleck on Alpe d'Huez)

Dearest Adam,

For real and fo shizzle, getting Shlecked is a real adverb and/or verb and it is humiliating.  There are two Shleck brothers in the pro peloton that ride for Saxo Bank, Frank and Andy.  Getting Shlecked actually dates back to the mid 1960’s.  It's a little know fact that Frank and Andy Shleck’s father, Johnny Schleck rode the Tour de France and Vuelta a España between 1965 and 1974.  While I’m not too sure on father Johnny, Frank and Andy are skinny mean climbing beasts with the ability to turn the screws on a climb till you're crying for mama between bouts of the pukes.  To get Schlecked would be to get left a quivering humiliated jello legged mess feeling like you're rolling backwards on a climb while a noodle armed Schleck rides out of sight around the next switchback without even looking back to see if you're still there.  Getting Shlecked could only be considered slanderous if one of the Shleck brothers would happen to drop the other.

The phrase "Getting Shlecked" can apply outside of the Schleck brothers as long it involves someone getting dropped by a skinny mean climbing beast that's so confident in thier climbing abilities that they wouldn't even worry if someone's on their wheel.  However, there arent many riders like the Shleck brothers that I know, especially since most riders in the US are of the beefy sort.  But, say for example I lost a ton of weight and suddenly had pasta arms, weighed 130 in a wet skinsuit, and dropped you like a stone on a long unforgiving climb.  I could say I totally Shlecked you and you could say you totally got Shlecked by that guy who writes The Best Bike Blog Ever.