Making Your and #CXWorlds Work Together

I Would Sob 10 Seconds Later courtesy CX Magazine

I broke down after the finish line.  I remember the low winter sunshine.  Hiding my face under my arms and between the hoods of my handlebars so I wouldn’t freak out the daughters congratulating their father and fellow racer next to me, I cried for a moment, big soppy man tears.  My chest shook.  Uh huh huh.  Uh huh huh.  I could see my breath in the heat reflecting off the blacktop below me.  I smiled as I wiped my eyes.  I did it.  I raced the World Championships.

A guy 29 places ahead of me would pull on the rainbow stripes.  Crossing the line were a Belgian, a pair of Englishmen, a few Canadians and a couple guys from Coloradostan.  Sure it wasn’t the most representative international field, but the Belgian guy did take 2nd.  II was incredibly happy, 30^th in the world.  I had reached the top of my sport, or as close as this black balloon birthday aged rider could get.  I raced fast, clean and finished on the lead lap with the best 45-49 year old cyclocross racers the world could deliver, provided they had enough vacation time and discretionary income for plane tickets to Louisville last January.  You gotta pay to play.  Still more than two months away, I’m struggling to muster a second summit bid.  Maybe you are too.

Masters World Seeding Race 2012

The problem is the road to Worlds can feel like a Pisgah National Forest fire road: twisty, steep, life sucking and potholed.  The other problem is last year was pretty stellar.  There’s a stained wooden shelf high in my mind with all the memories of a great push to the World Championships carefully arranged on it: trading icy caution tape crashes with my teammate Mike at Nationals, New Years Eve intervals in my dark and cold garage, the luck of a good call-up for the seeding race, my wife and I chuckling while I dirtied the floor cleaning my bikes in the Madison hotel room, a friend lending me his pink Specialized Crux pit bike when Worlds starting flinging mud, the stern call of the UCI officials, working the Worlds pit for friends racing and of course the bib number and finishers medal.  It makes me happy to close my eyes and look at it.  While I felt different earlier in the year, I find myself struggling to find room on the shelf for more.

Go out on a high note.  It’s a quote I use when practicing cyclocross or touching my monkey.  I’m kidding!  Whether its barriers or starts, get the work in, but make sure your last effort is good so you go home feeling confident.  That’s sort of how I am now.  For the first time ever, I notched series points for an 18^th and 20^th at USGP this past weekend on the Worlds Course in Louisville.  Nine of the top 25 ranked riders in the US were in the field, five of the top 10, including 2^ndand 3^rd place.  Four of the top 20 guys from Worlds last year were in the field, including 4^th and 9^th place.  The competition doesn’t get much stronger than that.  I’m feeling pretty good about my season.  I could hang it up right now, be satisfied and turn my attention to other Masters pursuits, like getting the yard ready for winter.

One Footer at Masters CXWorlds 2012

Having never climbed but having read a library full of mountaineering books on the toilet, I look for a correlation.  If you already summited at Everest, I don’t think you have the same drive the second time around.  I think pure adventure takes a backseat.  You’re more calculated and realistic about the pursuit.  Not achieving is no longer a failure.  It’s easier to let go.  After you’re acclimated, the camp 2 tent can feel pretty cozy.  You see others on their way down and consider how nice it might be to join ‘em for the hike back to basecamp, taking a few photos and sharing conversation along the way.  However, maybe I didn’t quite get to the summit the first time.  Maybe I haven’t seen the full 360 view.  Maybe 30^th isn’t my top.  That’s what has me strapping on the crampons this year.  That and I can see the mountain from my living room.

CX Masters Seeding Rce Start Line

It’s more of a second in a lifetime opportunity.  Still, if I pass, I’ll likely never race a World Championship again unless I travel internationally.  This year again, Worlds is 24 songs on the iPod away in Louisville, an hour and a half from Cincinnati.  It’s low hanging cowbells, but between here and there is a daunting 8 weeks of hard work on the bike, holidays, expenses and arrangements: the last four OVCX Series races, a new license, Thanksgiving with friends, a new crank arm for the pit bike, Christmas in Wisconsin, New Years in Ohio, more garage intervals, another couple car washes, more derailleur cables, hotels to book, more bike cleaning, gas to pump, the Chicago Cup, Nationals, more intervals and a Worlds warm-up at KingsCX in Cincinnati.  Entering a credit card number on the registration page is more of a commitment than you think.

Friend & Colleague Amy Tobin

A conversation I had with culinary expert Amy Tobin gave me food for thought.  She’s probably one or two degrees from Guy Fieri, Gordon Ramsey and Rachael Ray.  She’s done some Food Channel and TLC.  Her cookbook is at Barnes and Noble.  She develops recipes and endorses products for food companies like Dole Salads and Jif Peanut Butter.  She runs a cooking school and has a radio show.  That’s how I know her.  She records her show segments with me at the radio station I work at.  Immediately you wouldn’t grasp the similarities, but between guests we’ll talk shop on common ground.  I’ll show her something I wrote for CX Magazine.  She’ll confide that she may have a new book brewing. 

Last week between guests she mentioned she’s not doing the little things this coming year.  She’s going to focus on the big.  I raised an eyebrow.  That’s pretty philosophical and a mite pretentious.  She explained it’s her way of keeping focus and shedding her life of the time and energy sucking endeavors with meager payoffs.  At the time, I sort of brushed it off.  My life isn’t that busy.  For goodness sakes, I don’t even have kids mucking up my work, writing and bike pursuits.  In the light of Worlds however, maybe it’s time to focus on the big things.  More importantly, maybe it’s time to let go of the little things along the way.  After all, having been there once, I know what they are.

My wife’s been on a business trip for the past week.  Frankly, I miss her.  The house is missing a spark and our cats seem preoccupied with kitty agenda rather than focusing on their job description of keeping me company.  More than racing again at Worlds, I look forward to this Saturday’s long ride with her, close friends and teammates.  We’ve got tickets for a night out and a party to attend.  I’ve already made up my mind, I’m casting off one little thing and forgoing Sunday’s OVCX race in Lexington.  This weekend, my Worlds are at home.

Should Your Worlds Road Go Through Wisconsin 

There’s more than one road to Masters CXWorlds.  Choose the one fits your life.  Having done it once before, I advise to take inventory of what is really necessary to the pursuit and what little things make the journey more difficult than it needs to be.  For me, with a Christmas trip back to see family in Wisconsin on the horizon, I think a second trip America’s Dairyland to race Nationals is unnecessary.  Despite Madison being an awesome town and the incredible CX scene up there, for me the stress and expense of a 2^nd long trip outweigh the benefits of racing.  While I think it’s important to keep racing up to Worlds, the Chicago Cup is a more logical choice to keep the legs fresh and skills sharp in the weeks leading to worlds.  However, I think two days at the Chicago Cup can be cut back to a single day trip, especially with the Cincinnati Worlds warm-up date the weekend prior to Worlds.  You see where I’m going.  Take a look at your schedule, your life, your commitments and make your worlds work together.

Lose Yourself in 2012-13 Cyclocross

I’m guessing this is the point in his training where Michael Phelps fired up the bong, aka The Rest Week.  While I don’t condone pulling a Phelps, with the sun of this year’s World Championship cyclocross season rising on the horizon, I clearly see why he needed the break.  In order to be the most decorated Olympian in history, he needed to be Mike for a while.  Go to Vegas.  Play video games.  Blow off practice.  Walk around with a case serial killer bed head hair.  On July 23^rd, my coach, Chris Mayhew at JBV Coaching, assigned me a two week break from riding.  He knows this season is special, a once in a lifetime perhaps.  Yesterday was the last day of slacking before a season that’ll end with the World Championships. 

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

I’m trying to balance levity with the magnitude of the opportunity.  Maybe you’re holding back your excitement too, and that’s why I sort of feel alone in the pursuit.  Even with the flame burning in London, I’m not getting the feeling that many grasp what a gift the 2012-13 cyclocross season calendar is.  Locally in the Ohio Valley we have clinics featuring Jeremy Powers and Kaitlin Antonneau, a cyclocross series in OVCX that’s on par with New England and the Northwest, the Cincy 3 Cyclocross Festival, Cross After Dark, USGP races in Madison and Louisville, a huge UCI weekend in Chicago, Nationals nearby, a Worlds warm up race in Cincinnati and then, finally the Cyclocross World Championships in Louisville for both Masters and Elite.  Oh-My-God!  What a Cyclocross Season!

Harbin Park, site of Cincy 3 CX Festival, circa 2001

12 years ago, you had your choice of three races: A, B, or C. The course was hastily marked with flags and orange spray paint.  This year, you’ll see national jerseys on the backs of European stars wiz past your nose through the fog of your frozen breath.  I’m not saying cyclocross is going to disappear in 2014, but right here, right now, for many of us this season is the best chance we’ll ever have to plant our cleats as high as we can on the summit of cross mountain.  This is the perfect opportunity to grab the low hanging cowbells.  Without pounding a nail in the cross-coffin, for those on the upper end of the Masters demo, you’ll likely never have this chance again without dipping into your 401(k) for plane tickets and baggage fees to Europe.  This is your Eminem “Lose Yourself” moment. 

Marshall Mathers turns 40 in October, racing age 41.

2008 OVCX Gun Club Carnage

Oddly, I feel almost alone in the pursuit, and mine has nothing to do with the podium.  Outside the voices in my head, I’m not feeling a buzz, your buzz.  Maybe it has something to do with the individualistic approach we have to cyclocross or cycling in general.  We know better than to hang our hopes on one race.  Dreams can be dashed on a sharp root or a slick corner.  We purse our lips and swallow back notions of excitement, in case they are dashed with a 25mph header into a sand pit.  But this season is different.  Never before have we had so many major events, so many chances to feel a little glory. 

Masters 45-49 World Champs Seeding Startline Jan 2012

So, afford yourself the chance and share your excitement.  Get off the fence.  Register.  Let the tiny cowbells in your head crescendo into some thing on par with the bum-bum-BA-bum-bum rumble of the Olympic Theme kettle drum.  Share your goals on your Facebook status.  Remember what a treasure it is to have that photo of yourself towing the start line at Worlds.  Hire a coach.  Snatch up that non-stop January flight from Denver to Louisville that I saw online for $262 round trip.  Volunteer as a course marshall.  Book the hotel for that faraway race or pro clinic you’re on the fence about.  Show up early for the juniors.  Stay late for the post race party.  Create a Power Point to convince your family that Chicago, Madison, Cincinnati and Louisville are wonderful places to visit in the winter.  The next six months will fly by and we need to make the most of it.  I can’t wait to be wearing a rain jacket, rubber boots, eating a waffle, drinking from a flask and standing next to you as we hang over the banners at Worlds screaming “Allez!”

Cross Nation, this year is special and we need more cowbell.

Mission Control at #USACrits Hyde Park Blast

CAVEMAN AT CAPE CANAVERAL

I’m under a tent, under the Hyde Park Blast podium scaffolding in front of a bank of switches and red LCD clocks.  As an audio producer at a local radio station, I’m accustomed to banks of effects knobs and volume sliders.  Despite my alleged experience and University of Wisconsin degree in Buttonpushingology, I still feel like a caveman at Cape Canaveral mission control. 

The guy in charge of the lap timing at the Hyde Park Blast USA Crit Series Race stepped out for a soda, and asked me to man the controls.  His judgment has obviously been compromised by being inside this prison hot box all day.  Like every year at the Hyde Park Blast, It’s 90 degrees outside and 120 in the timing tent.  I remind myself, “Hit the red button when the leader comes through to reset the timer.  Hit the other red button as the pack rolls through.”  Race fans think the clock is run electronically with a bike sensor embedded in the start finish line.  Despite available technology, races are run by people at the root, in my case, a hot monkey in a tent with a 5 foot roof. 

The Timer Peers Between Podium Scaffolding Banners

Cowbells and cheers erupt.  I can see the rider from Patent It approach the start/finish line through the 3 inch slit in the tenting.  It’s like watching a pro bike race through a submarine periscope.  I hit the button, the lap clock starts.  Now 15 seconds later the pack storms down Erie Avenue into Hyde Park Square.  I hit the other button.  The split clock pauses at 00:15.04 while the lap clock continues.  “He’s got 15 seconds,” I hear someone shout.  Mission complete, and about one minute and 40 seconds till my next lap.

3 MATCHES SHORT OF A FULL BOX

Solo Breakaway Burning A Big Match

Just behind the timing tent is the pit.  I’m holding a rear wheel in my right hand.  The rules seem a bit loose, especially to the guy in the Hawaiian shirt nearby as he watches a rider stop in the pit and get a butt-push out.  It doesn’t seem fair.  He taps on my shoulder and asks, “Why do they get to stop?  Why do they get to skip a lap?”  I explain. 

At the official’s discretion, riders suffering a mechanical problem are allowed a chance to get back into the race.  At the Hyde Park Blast, with a lot of riders a U-turn choke point, again at an official’s discretion, riders who got tailed off the pace early in the race due to a poor starting position are sometimes granted a second chance.  I get a nod and an eyebrow.  Stopping in the pit isn’t an advantage.  Riders refer to every hard effort as burning a match.  When you move up in the bunch, sprint or try to get away from the peloton, you burn a match.  Once the box is empty, the fire goes out.  You’re done. 

A rider with a flat rolls in.  The official nods.  As the rider lifts the rear of his bike, my mechanic friend undoes the quick release and removes the flat wheel.  I whip the fresh one into the bikes drop-outs, finesse the cassette into the chain and close the quick release skewer.  With a hand on the rider’s lower back, my buddy escorts him to the pit exit lane.  The pack rounds the corner.  The official nods and the rider gets a turbo boost push back into the race.  I turn to Hawaiian Shirt Guy and pick up the conversation. 

Remember that match burning, I ask.  The stress of getting a flat at 28mph is burning a match.  Coming into the pit and hoping you get a good wheel change is burning a match.  Getting your bike back up to 28 miles an hour is burning a match.  That guy is 3 short of a full box now.   10 laps later the same rider makes the slice of the throat gesture to the official and exits the course, all burnt up.

OVCX 2012 Schedule: Ohio Valley to Worlds

Series Art by James Billiter

With the UCI Elite and Masters World Championships coming to Louisville Jan/Feb 2013, organizers of the 9th Annual Zipp OVCX Series are proud to announce an exciting, expanded schedule for 2012.  (See schedule below or at OVCX.com.)

This year's OVCX encompasses 13 events that tour through the cyclocross scenes of Indianapolis, Bloomington, Dayton, Lexington, Cincinnati and Louisville.  Kicking off September 16th, this year’s OVCX series begins with Huber's Apple Cross in Starlight, IN - just north of Louisville. The series winds up 3 months later in mid-December with the series finale at the Major Taylor Velodrome in Indianapolis.


The schedule offers pockets for area USGP events and a great springboard for those with aspirations for the Chicago CX Cup, Nationals, Kings Invitational and Worlds in January.  Those dates also listed below.

The Cincy3 Cyclocross Festival makes its return to the OVCX series with Devou Park, Harbin Park, and the new Saturday night Elite/Pro races under the lights at Kings CX.  8 other venues link the cities of Dayton and Cincinnati in Ohio, Indianapolis and Bloomington in Indiana, and Louisville and Lexington in Kentucky.  The geographic layout of the series puts most venues within an easy two hour drive for most participants. 

Racers Battle the Mud at Kings CX Cincinnati

The 2012 series aims to be more work, family and travel friendly.  (See video at right or click here.)  Aside from the Cincy3 weekend, participants will see only one race per weekend on the schedule.  As in previous years, your best seven races count toward the series overall title making it easy to compete and have fun.  The OVCX series is committed to being a vehicle in developing young talent and will again offer numerous categories for juniors aged 10 to 18 and an under 19 category in elite races.  Chip timing will be again at each event to provide quick results and submission to USA Cycling for national ranking points.  Full series rules and categories will be posted to OVCX.com by mid-June.

So get your gear and cowbells warmed up and ready - we're in for a season to remember!

2012 OVCX Calendar:

Date:       Venue                                         Location                     

Sept 16    Huber's Apple Cross (NEW!)       Louisville       

Sept 30    St. Mary’s Cyclocross                  Indianapolis

Oct 7       Midwest Outdoor Exp. (Gearfest) Dayton                       

Oct 14     Gun Club Cross                            Cincinnati                   

Oct 21     Bloomingcross                              Bloomington  

Oct 28     Storm the Greens                          Louisville                   

Nov 2      Cincy3 (Devou, Kings, Harbin)     Cincinnati                   

Nov 18    Promotion Cross                           Lexington                   

Nov 25    Brookside Cup                              Indianapolis               

Dec 9      Buckingham Financial John Bryan   Dayton           

Dec 16    Major Taylor Velodrome (NEW)   Indianapolis    


NON OVCX Dates To Note:
Sept 8    Lionhearts CX                                Cincinnati
Sept 15  Hubers Apple CX Day 1                Louisville
Sept 22  USGP Madison Day 1                   Madison, WI
Sept 23  USGP Madison Day 2                   Madison, WI
Nov 10  USGP Louisville Day 1                   Louisville
Nov 11  USGP Louisville Day 2                   Louisville
Jan 5      Chicago CX Cup Day 1                 Chicago, IL
Jan 6      Chicago CX Cup Day 2                 Chicago, IL
1/10-13 National Championships                 Madison, WI
Jan 26    Kings CX Invitational UCI             Cincinnati
1/30-2/3 World Championships                   Louisville

An Uber Local Reason To Follow This Weekend’s Tour of the #Battenkill

While he’s sort of adopted by way of Michigan and Purdue, and we’ve had quite a few locals race big pro races, another one of ours is racing the pro Tour of the Battenkill this weekend.  If there was an American Paris-Roubaix this is it, a one day 200k classic in New York featuring covered bridges and 25% dirt roads.  When you consider the pot holed mess of Binning Road and the Stonelick covered bridge, maybe our regular BioWheels Wednesday shop ride with Chris Uberti is good hard training to face the ranks of the pros at The Battenkill. 

Panther is Logistics Company

A few weeks back Cycling News revealed Team Panther/Competitive Cyclist was selected as an Elite Amateur team for the Tour of the Battenkill.  CIncinnati's Chris Uberti and the rest of Team Panther under the guidance of regional pro veterans Kirk Albers and Paul Martin will line up alongside the real big boys of United Health Care, Team Type 1, Bissell, Team Mountain Khaki’s and others.  If you’re wondering why he wasn’t on the Wednesday BioWheels group ride or Tuesday’s New Richmond Rampage this week, this is it.  I heard he joked that it was too hard before this big race.  In a twisted way, Chris is about to get a taste of the medicine he’s been dishing out to us over the past few months.  Or, will he be the one dishing?

“Who is that guy?”  People don’t notice him till after the ride.  He’s not a flashy rider or chest thumper.  Very approachable, he’ll roll up to the start of a local training ride, put his foot down like a kickstand and chat like he’s a local club rider.  You’re completely oblivious to the pro experience he hides behind that smile.  The same demeanor comes across in his riding.  He’s smooooth.  I guess that comes from competing in The Tour of the Gila, The Joe Martin Stage Race, Fitchburg-Longsjo and The International Cycling Classic (Superweek) the past few years. 

While I’ll usually sit-on and rearrange myself within a paceline to not have the wheel of the strongest guys on a ride, I don’t mind Chris’ wheel.  When he pulls to the left on the front of a rotating paceline, it’s not a shocking quick elbow throw and a jerk to the left.  Like he’s introducing you to the road ahead, he graciously lets you into the wind.  In a race, the smoothness translates.  Two weeks ago at the local OSRS race at Harrison’s Tomb, I saw him ride from back to front in the stretch of 2-3 miles, gracefully threading his way through the middle of the bunch.  After witnessing that, I’m convinced.  If you need to ride the yellow line to the front, you need to brush up on your skills.  He’s the type of rider that forces you to be a better rider.  At 44 years old and no stranger to a bike race, I’m learning from a guy 20 years younger than me.

With the way his black curls cascade out of the back of his helmet, you wonder why there’s not 10 women on this 24 year-old’s wheel or why he’s not out clubbing it downtown.  He’s a skinny kid with wide dark eyes and a magnetic smile.  At 28mph he churns the pedals with knees in and his toes pointed down.  His back is so low you have to emulate the posture and seemingly ridiculous high steady cadence to even get a whiff of a draft.  His Strava profile lists three full pages of KOM’s, usually a full mph faster than the next guy.  I’m ahead of him on only one, hanging on to the KOM purely for the fact that the Highwater climb in Kenton County, KY is under construction at the moment.

Click Here for Tour of the Battenkill Website

You’d like to think he’s some sort of out of nowhere gifted rider, but when you look him up, he's just like you and I (had we started racing at 18.)  He was racing cat 4 in 2006.  Raise your hand.  Sure he’s young, but he trains his ass off, even riding 25 miles to local races, winning them and then riding home.  He won his first race as a Cat 3 in May of 2007.  In ’08 and ’09 he placed 9^th at Collegiate Road Nationals, was on the podium of smaller 1-2 races and posted 70^th and 80ths on bigger races like Joe Martin, Fitchburg and Superweek.  In ’10 and ’11 he started bagging the bigger races finishing 3^rd in the Hyde Park Blast, a 4^th on a Superweek Stage and a 2^nd on a stage of the Gateway Cup.  All the while he continues to test himself, dipping his toes in the deeper waters of the 2011 Tour of the Gila, (won by Francisco Mancebo) finishing no better than 73^rd on his best day.  There’s still more work to be done.  


Now here he is with a couple early spring wins, a short cyclocross season under his belt, and an invite to the dirt roads of the Tour of the Battenkill, a race on the Director Sportif radar of Pro Tour teams.  We wish Chris, Ryan Knapp, and the rest of their Panther teammates the best.  Surely it’s still ahead of them.


(Post Race Note:  Chirs Uberti finished in a group of riders placed 15th-49th 12 minutes down from winner Francisco Mancebo, officially 40th.  162 riders were on the start list.  59 finished.  For race results and recap click here.)

#Sub9DeathMarch BioTrain™ Derailment

Special Thanks to Hydrapak

You can’t cheat death, unless you ride with a friend who knows the Heimlich maneuver or carry a backpack defibrillator.  Judging from the size of some hydration packs Saturday, maybe some were prepared for anything.  Consequently, as team Grand Poobah of the BioWheels/Reece-Campbell Racing Death Squad, I’m beginning to rethink the BioTrain™ approach to the Sub-9 Deathmarch race in Hoosier Nat’l Forest.  Last year the BioTrain™ stoked fear in the leaders as we passed like an 8 man bobsled.  This year the BioTrain™ was as imposing as the matinee performance of “Thomas the Train” at US Bank Arena.  Three flats, a broken spoke, two wipe-outs, and a missed turn dashed our 2012 Deathmarch dreams.  For full 2012 Sub-9 Death March results click here.

Last year the BioTrain™ proved somewhat successful on both fronts.  Our 8 man gravel-singletrack-pavement eating paceline placed in the top 12 or so and gelled our team around a common goal.  This year we had fun, but only the duo of James Biliter and Nate Mirus who were driving the train at the time of the 2^nd derailment, had any success.  Being strung out and regrouping after my flat on lower Combs road, a mile later the BioTrain™ came off the rails at the gate.  Dan flatted, our 2^nd of the day less than four miles from the start.  Being driven by ADD, testosterone and adrenalin, Nate and Jimmy never heard the 2^nd call of a flat.  The train of eight was now 2 and 6.  Despite soft pedaling on the front and hair raising riding from the rear it would never be recoupled.

A few loose rules guide the BioTrain™.  1) The train stays together until the last cemetery, Fleetwood, about eight-tenths of a mile from camp where the all-out death sprint between BioWheels/Reece-Campbell racing teams commences.  2) If one gets a flat or mechanical, we all stop.  The thinking is, the bunch will ride faster than a duo and it’s more fun to ride in a bunch.  3) The BioTrain™ is not perfect.  Rule #2 is subject to cases of the very contagious ailments of Multipleflattus, Gappingthegroupus and various hearing impairments.

Who's Got New Pearl Izumi Shoes?  This guy!

On the fun front however, the BioTrain™ is a Billboard Top 100 hit with a bullet.  Had we rode the race in pairs, the guys would’ve missed my teammate Dan Pike’s mesmerizing 40rpm cadence in a gear that would make Jens Voigt and Fabian Cancellera curl up in fetal positions rocking in the corner sucking each other's thumbs in fear.  Dan may appear to be 5’ 1” and 160lbs, but it’s all quads and hammies, baby got back.

Like a NASCAR Replay, right now all the guys are remembering the BioTrainWreck™.   Driving the train on the Nebo Trail between Elkinsville and Berry Road, still in attempt to close the gap to our two teammates a few minutes up the trail, Brian Colliers clipped a buried log right in front of me, sending him over the bars.  He didn’t stop tumbling through the briars till everyone and the caboose passed him.

Slim Jim Hand-Ups In Effect

If it weren’t for Jason Mott’s suggestion that we ask for a tin snips the next time we see the Sub-9 Scooby Doo van, I may have suffered a bit more than a severely out of true wheel and an inoperable rear brake for the last 30 miles of the race.  I broke a spoke after Robinson and had open wheel surgery just 2.5 miles later at the fire tower.  As he snipped the dangling rattling spoke, my vegan self discovered the next best thing to GU energy gels, Slim Jim’s.  Survival mode.

Had Dan and I been solo, I would’ve missed Steven Gers bedrock cracking wreck in my rearview.  On trail 14, enroute to Calahan Cemetery, like a 145 pound sandbag dropped from hot-air balloon, he hit a buried log and augured himself into the ground with a singular whomp, followed by a silence so profound you could hear the frogs croaking five miles away at Coronette Cemetery.

If you think you're fast changing a flat, imagine three guys changing a flat.  Like the “athletes” in a NASCAR pit crew, with brain surgeon precision, they danced around my bike.  While I, the flatter, dug out my spare tube, the wheel guy pulled out the old tube while the air-guy dug out a cartridge.  I handed the new tube to the air guy, who aired it up a bit and passed it to the wheel-guy.  As I stuffed the spent tube into a pocket, the wheel-guy held the tire while the air-guy finished it off.  It came together and we were riding again in three minutes.  Sometimes three heads are better than two.

If it wasn’t for Kris “Karwash’s” flat on Polk Patch which was perfectly timed with our entire bunch bombing downhill and overshooting Trail 14, we wouldn’t have had the 10 minutes for a few of us to turn around, take a natural break and..."Oh, look there it is!"...stumble upon the trail.

You know what?  On second thought, after looking at the pictures of two grown men who look like kids playing in the woods, maybe we did win.

#DeathMarch Planning Questions

Last Year Was A Blast-Story Here

For those that think they have a good route planned out for the Sub 9 Death March and are seemingly prepared, here are a few questions you should absolutely have an answer to before you clip in.

At the holeshot, are you turning left or right?

What about your teammate?

Are you sure that road marked on your map is an actual physical honest to goodness road?

Is that bridge physically crossable or a relic of an aged NASA Satellite photo?

What’s the elevation change between Camp and Hanner Cemetary?

How many valleys will you cross on your way to Lutes?

Are toe spikes a good idea or too much weight?

How are you going to wear toe spikes and shoe covers at the same time silly?

Have you every tried to read a map while riding a gravel road at 25 mph?


Shirley, you can't be serious?


Are you comfortable riding your bike under water?


Is there a compartment for a snorkel in your Hydrapak?

True or False:  Some of the gravel roads would be more stable under your wheels if they were paved 6 inches deep with marbles set in butter.

And, which roads are those?

Are you going up or down them?

If last year’s winning team from DRT spent 4 ½ Hours on their bikes and this year the promoters added a cemetery which is pretty dang far to the east which will no doubt extend saddle time, where and when do you plan on refilling your water?

Should you drink water from a cemetery well?

What time does the sun set?

Is your cell phone’s camera memory close to being full?

Do you know what happens to a paper map in your jersey pocket 5 hours into a ride?

Do you know what happens to the same map after riding through countless creeks?

Are the Garmin and Google maps of Hoosier National Forest as up to date as their map of 

New York City, or are they as old as the farm roads that once criss-crossed the area?

Have you seen the Sprint cell phone coverage map of the area?

So, you're certain your phone's mapping app will be functional?


By the way, have you ever climbed a cell phone tower?

You may not be afraid of heights, but are you may afraid of climbing a Fire Tower which feels like it has the same pieces and stability of a 6 year old’s erector set project?

True or False: Trailheads in Hoosier National Forest are marked with a nice big well painted signs and arrows like the tourist trail to Mt. Rushmore?

If you let the weeds in your driveway grow for 60 years, could you still call it a driveway?

Have you planned your route to Callahan cemetery on the map?

So, when you looked at the Google map you saw Callahan’s tombstones and an adjacent trail together?

You really don’t know where Callahan is, do you?

Multiple Choice: In the pouring rain, what is faster in and out of Callahan?  A horse trail  B) A fresh gravel road  C) A Hard Packed Gravel Road  D) Pavement E) We should really have a Plan B.

If It Weighs Less Than Poo, It’s Not 4 U

Cyclists are the only American’s that can convert grams to pounds without using Google, masters of the metric.  So don’t tell me you’re grossed out and never considered how much “it” weighs.  If you drop your shorts and barefoot the scale the 2^nd thing in the morning, you are sooo guilty, but oh so smart.  If you’re going to drop 25 hundo on the new Sram Red to save 150 grams off the previous version, wouldn’t it be worth it to make sure you read the graffiti in the port-a-poddy before you roll up to the start line?  There’s cheaper and surprisingly pleasant ways to shed grams.

I’m considering a new Hydrapak hydration system.  My thought is that a lighter pack over the course of the 100k of the Mohican 100 MTB race in May will make for a faster Joe.  The Hydrapak Alivia tips the scale at an impressively sexy and svelt 7 ounces, 198.446 grams…definitely according to Rain Man.  The website says it nearly disappears on your back.  It should.  7 ounces is less than the weight of a spare 29er inner tube, listed at Competitive Cyclist at 219g.  However, if my hypothesis is correct, I can save pretty close to 7 ounces every day of my life by reading a couple pages of Road Magazine on the cold white chair next to the bathtub. 

Now I’m not going to fish it out and plop it on the scale, but I’m pretty certain the typical water breaker has to weigh 7 ounces, a bit shy of a half pound.  If not, I’m sure eliminating some incidental weight would do the trick, such as some of the electrical tape under my bar tape.  Yep, there’s more tape under that bar tape and you probably don’t need to have it double or triple wrapped in 14 places.  Pause now, if you need extra time to digest the term "water breaker."  

Throw Away The Broccoli and Keep The Band

Incidental weight is the weight of the things you never even consider when pulling the trigger at the local bike shop for a lighter weight bike-a-ma-jig.  It’s the dead bugs smashed and sunbaked on the front of your suspension fork and the mud caked under the crown.  It’s the big fat pink broccoli rubber band on your spare tube, the best rubber bands known to man.  It's three glopping fingers full of chamois cream when 1 finger full would do the trick on your taint.  It’s using a seatbag instead of your middle jersey pocket or the 7 inches of extra seatpost below the clamp.  It’s wearing deodorant for a bike race, because it's not about how fast you ride but how effortless it appears.  

For weight weenies sake, “Take a poo!”  It’s what we say to each other flipping through the pages of the latest Colorado Cyclist with the credit card by our side.  It keeps things in perspective.  It keeps us from dropping $300 dollars on a carbon railed saddle.  If it saves less than a poo it’s not for you.

Want Some Fancy Salted Mixed Nuts?  Boing!

Is that tube going to spring out of your pocket like a toy snake in a can if you don’t lasso it with that giant rubber band?  What difference does the 150g savings of new Sram Red make if you roll up to the start line with a typical 160g seat bag full of stuff you could fit in your jersey pocket?  Did you knock the caked mud from the bottom of your shoes?  Are you really going to be able to drink two full water bottles in a one hour crit?

Anyone of us can probably drop at least a half pound off their race-day set up without spending a dime.  Sure it’s not quite as sexy as a Sram Red solution, but now you know why cyclists really shave their legs.

#26.2 Stickers & Other Things To Let Go Of

Maybe that’s why people have stick children on their windows and put 26.2 stickers on their bumpers.  I too want to wave it around for everyone to see.  Look!  Look what I did.  I raced a marathon!  I created a monster that can’t control his two year-old self in the cereal aisle at Kroger.  I’m fit, awesome and my buns look hot in cycling shorts!

But that’s exactly what I’m doing.  I’m trying to hang my hat on something.  Problem is, hanging your hat implies being done and I’m far from that.

It’s still the desktop background on my computer, the picture from Cyclocross Magazine of me finishing 30^th place and on the lead lap at the 45-49 Masters Cyclocross World Championships.  It’s my lei from Iron Man in Kona. It’s my baby.  It’s my 26.2. 

I don’t want to come off the high.  I like being him.  Still riding the buzz of the pink bike, I’m having a hard time entering another race.  I want to stay the guy whose last race was Worlds.  They always say, “You’re only as good as your last race.” 

So, I want the stick figures on my back window to show a skinny husband and wife on bikes, two cats, our 6 other bikes, the outlines of all the countries and states where we’ve vacationed and the logo from the 2012 Cyclocross Masters World Championships in Louisville.  Look!  Look what I did!

But, that’d be idiotic.  The meaningful moments of my life couldn’t fit on ten rear windows and the schmo behind me pulling into a Walmart parking lot cares as much about Cyclocross Worlds as I care about why he's pushing a cart full of Sudafed.  We don’t exist to impress other people.

However, while it’s not impressive, a cart full of Sudafed does sort of identify you, and not as someone who has a really stuffy nose.  Same goes for the 26.2.  It says you’re a long distance runner and probably look good in shorts.  And, that “I Heart CX” sticker says the driver likes racing weird bikes in the mud. 

Rico!

If that’s so, that’s not saying much.  This is precisely why I don’t have a tattoo.  One day you put a 26.2 or etch rainbow stripes on your arm and the next thing you know, you’re forever locked in the past like the football tossing Uncle Dork in Napoleon Dynamite.

We’re more than that.  Lives can’t be defined by stickers and tattoos.  So, while your 26.2 sticker, his IM tattoo and my World Championship finishers medal are good keepsakes and reminders of who we are and what we can achieve, there’s no good reason to cling to that one shining moment in fear that you can’t have another.  Mementos should keep you looking forward not back.  

Go out on a high note?  Whatever.  That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.  Sign me up for another bike race.  Even if I finish DFL, maybe I will try trail running.  Even if it was a good showing at the World Championships, an ear piercer of a high note, I don’t want to go out on it.  I’m not done.  Life is a symphony, not a song.