A Test of the Emergency #Vegan System

Free for the Taking, an Izzy's Sandwich on Servatii's Roll

This is the vegan equivalent of finding a Brinks truck crashed on the side of the road with $100 bills scattered across the shoulder.  Do you take it and buy a Dura Ace equipped carbon wonder bike from Italy?  Or do you do the right thing, call 9-1-1 and be the hero?  This is a made-in-Cincinnati Izzy’s Reuben Sandwich.  In the world of salted cured meats, nothing trumps the corned beef and sauerkraut piled high, slathered in Million Island dressing and served on Cincinnati’s famous Servatii’s pretzel bread bun.  Simply pulling the meat off would be like "fixing" the smile on the Mona Lisa. 

Did You Say Catnip Tuna?

Maybe I haven’t been clear in my description.  This is two great tastes in one entity.  It’s like Cincinnati Skyline Chili topped with Montgomery Inn Ribs.  Mmmm.  An Izzy’s Reuben on a Servatii’s roll is to Cincinnati as Jerked Chicken on the side of the road served with a Red Stripe beer is to Jamaica.  It’s Saz’s Barbecue with a side of George Webb’s breakfast to a Milwaukeean.  Its Gino’s East pizza covered in Southside Polish sausage to Chicago.  It’s a Thurminator burger topped with a pair of Blue Jacket’s tickets to those in Columbus.  It’s Christmas’ candy cane covered gingerbread house.  Its catnip covered in tuna juice to Juneau… my cat, not the city.

The choice between that bag of money or this sandwich is a life changing decision.  Consultants and advisors from GE and P&G may need to be called in.  Since they’re no longer working on the Space Shuttle program, I may dial-up NASA's best mathematicians to pour over excel spreadsheets and sandwich trajectories to help me decide which would have a better impact on my life. 

Jackpot!

Sure you could take the bag of money and go out and buy an Izzy’s Reuben and have enough left over to quit your job and eat it while riding off the threat of clogged arteries on your new Trek Madone, but you’d be missing the point.  I did hill repeats last night.  I’m 4 pounds below my target race weight.  It’s 9:30am.  I just ate half an apple.  I have an appointment in 30 minutes and I am surrounded by hungry native Cincinnatians.  This is about instant gratification.  This is about taking the kill before the Hyenas get it.  This is a case of how much would it really hurt.  This sandwich is now or never.  Dammit they’re taking it into the work kitchen.  Noooooooo!

My Lunchbox

Right down the hall is a free Izzy’s Reuben Sandwich served on special edition Servatii’s pretzel bread.  In my 2010 Vancouver Olympic lunchbox is a bag of carrots, a tub of hommus, a box of raisins, a banana, a fruit strip, half a Honeycrisp apple, and leftover vegan Tikka Masala in a plastic Glad container.  This is a test of eating a plant based non-processed food diet.  This is a test of the Emergency Vegan System.  This is only a test.

Thankfully, I passed.

Being The Office Bike Bitch Ain't Bad

I’m the token bike bitch.  Wherever you work, I’m sure you’re the go-to person for bike related advice and services.  I’ve adjusted more Huffy headsets and Diamond Back flats than I can count.  Every spring there’s no shortage of coworkers who ask me to give their kids’ bikes a little once over.  I’ve earned stripes at BioWheels Bike Shop for extra referral business which now and then add up to wink-wink nod-nod privileges with shop supplies.  Once, I even dispelled cycling dating advice.  A colleague wanted to go for a short bike ride with his athletic date, so I sent him up to Loveland where you can ride the path along the Little Miami River and finish it off with a good sandwich and coffee.  Never heard how that turned out, but I’m glad I can help.    Not only does it build good rapport with coworkers, it’s the fringe benefits that I like best.  There’s a handy guy in our building that’s into riding Harley Davidson motorcycles.  We struck up a conversation about “bikes” and I ended up trading him a leather anniversary edition Harley jacket I had won in a raffle for a bench top vice.  Best trade I ever made.  Free lunch is always a favorite, and I take advantage of these situations to get yummy goodies from some of my favorite Cincinnati haunts like Giminetti’s and Izzy’s.  Some coworkers even swag me with gift cards for Speedway, Target and Kroger.  Being the office bike bitch also bestows little treasures upon me, like this broken 400 pound Suntour 7 speed cassette, which makes for great office décor and a nifty pen holder.