Things Your Garmin Can’t Capture for $500 Alex-Flat Joe Biker Early Photo Contest Entries

Mike Fun With Photoshop

Morning fog hides the bridge on the Ohio.  A four foot garter snake suns on the trail.  Your buddy’s conversation makes your 22mph effort seem like 17.  Those are the things that stick in your melon when someone asks, “How was your ride?”  That’s why I think, after only a week, the Road ID Flat Joe Biker contest is off to a great start.  You want to share those moments that your Garmin can’t capture.  I wish you were here to see this!  Flat Joe Biker is almost like having a friend on the trail or on your wheel…almost.  It’s the Kewpie doll for the cyclist.  The contest ends a week from Thursday, and I’m already impressed and humbled to be a part of your adventure.  Thank you and keep the photos coming.  Contest details in the upper right hand column of the page.

Jeni-Lumberjack 100

In a way, I do feel like I was at the Lumberjack 100 with reader Jeni and friends this weekend.  Not like I’m a snooty art snob, but her entry featuring Flat Joe Biker in the commemorative Founder’s Ale pint glass captures the event perfectly.  No matter how good or bad your showing, that’s the real trophy.  It’s probably out of frame, but I bet there’s a friend close-by lubing a chain and simultaneously drinking a beer, plastic grocery bags of energy mix and gallon water jugs on the counter, an iPod playing, gross dirt in the bottom of the shower, jersey’s hung up to dry on the stairs to the loft, a view of the Michigan countryside out the cabin window, and someone on the couch watching a grainy local newscast.

Big Dave Sports Masters 40+ Podium

While I eschewed the Ohio State Masters Road Championships in favor of a mountain bike race that ended up getting rained out, Big Dave put Flat Joe Biker on the Podium.  Seriously.  See the bottom of the photo.  While I’m not worthy of stepping on the Masters 40+ podium with these local hammers, I’ve certainly raced against each one of them at some time or another and know the feeling of raising your hands in the air.  Our judges are super impressed with Big Dave’s attention to detail, one big Flat Joe Biker for the top step…three Gu sized Flat Joe Biker’s for bronze.       

Rod-Tsali Overlook

It appears Rod took Flat Joe Biker to Tsali and Waterrock Knob in and around TN and NC.  3-D Joe Biker loves Tsali.  You got the lake, the cliff side, the bermed corners, and the color contrast of the red earth on blue water.  Tsali is a great trail to ride.  You miss so much if you only race there.  Rods photo makes me want to stop on an overlook and pull the sandwich out of my Hydrapak.  Thank you Rod.

We’ll announce a winner on Friday, July 1^st.  In the meantime, take Flat Joe Biker on your next adventure and upload it to our Facebook page for your chance to win a $35 Road ID e-gift card!

Hoarders: Extreme Water Bottle Edition

The ones I could see, I counted.  2-4-6.  15-17-19.  28-30-32.  Wedged into the plastic bin on the pantry shelf, next to the liquor in the fridge-top cabinet, lined like stout soldiers in front of the cookbooks we possess enough water bottles to outfit a pro tour team for a Hors Category stage of the Tour De France.  44-46-48.  With 6 more in the dishwasher and 4 on the drying rack, I can’t believe what my wife said the other night after a teammate kiddingly scolded her for not having team water bottles on her bike.  Joe takes all the good water bottles.  Who me?

Granted, I do have a habit of leaving two or three rolling around the inside of my 4-Runner at any given moment.  Maybe there are 2 in the bedroom and another pair in my backpack.  On a hunch, I bet there’s a couple on the workbench in the garage.  Oh yeah, there might be 4 I left in the dumbwaiter…yes we have a tall house and a dumb waiter…and okay, I confess, she’s right.  We have 55 or more water bottles in the house and somehow we’re still short on “good bottles.”  WTF?

Having “good” bottles is as key to the bike outfit as a nice watch or matching shoes for a work dinner.  She’s right.  They’re not all “good” bottles.  Some are leaky.  However, I can never remember which ones.  The blue ones look too patriotic on the red and white bike.  A half dozen are still pristine, but not from our team sponsor shop BioWheels…can’t use those on group rides or we’ll get teased by teammates.  Others are lame with flimsy tops.  Small bottles are good for lap races, but not all-day rides.  At least a dozen have mis-matched tops.  The Hydrapak Gel-bot is cool and works fantastic, but if I ever start worrying about nutrition while riding the cruiser bike to the grocery store, please, hit me over the head with a garden shovel.

I’m on my tippy toes.  I know there’s some on that top shelf that I can’t see and that shelf is at least 2 ½ feed deep.  I’m up to 55.  Enough bottles that, for the next month or two on any day-to-day two hour group ride, I could toss them like a pro tour rider over the hedgerows when I empty one.  However, I don’t think property owners along Route 8 in Northern Kentucky would appreciate my souvenir. 

Click & Win A Road ID With Flat Joe Biker Pix Contest

Hoarders is on TV.  If you’ve seen one episode, you’ve seen them all.  Crazy old coot grows an emotional attachment to what appears to be garbage, crazy old coot’s family steps in and throws away the garbage, crazy old coot rebels but surrenders, crazy old coot and family cry and hug in the newly cleaned house.  Dear Oprah, Tom Cruise and little baby Jesus please help me from being a water bottle hoarder.  I’m still young.  In ten, twenty or thirty years I don’t want people to walk by our house and marvel at the multi colored objects stacked 3 feet high in our window sills. 

Still I can’t make myself part with them.  I won that one for placing 5th in my age group at a sport level mountain bike race eight years ago honey!  I’m protective about them.  With my trusty black Sharpie, I label them with our last name so teammates, friends and strangers named Joe at races and rides don’t mistakenly take them.  How absurd is that!  You probably have more than us.  No you say.  Count ‘em up!  Don’t be scared.  See.  See!  Hoarder hoarder new bottles on order!  

…Is Thinking Of A New Facebook Status Update

Aw man!  I gotta think of a good Facebook status update for this monumental photo.  Sad.  But yes, it was my first thought after I let out a big woot and scared the cats into next Tuesday.  So many good ones went through my head.  I weighed 159 this morning.  I haven’t sunk below 160 in close to 3 years.  I’ve come close.  Last year, 161 I think.  Two years ago I had a rough CX season.  So, I’m a little excited.  It’s been two hours since the weigh in and two hours 15 minutes since my 2^nd morning poo and I’m still on the fence about what should be the caption.  Fan us on Facebook and you’ll see the chosen one.

Here’s my Facebook status update contenders to go with the photo:  

(what's on your mind?___________________)

Aw F*** how did I gain 490 pounds?  Wait, it’s upside down, my bad.

Clinched the central division.

AYHSMB

Is nude, all up in your grill and frontin’ bitches.

Is testing his newly invented iPad App…iScale.

Do I win free socks for this?

Saw this, jumped up and down shouting like a lunatic and probably wont see his cats for 2 days.

Does weigh 160 wet.

Does not walk around naked with a camera….really.

Is on the top step of the podium!

Suddenly realized he saved $3000 in potential bike upgrades.

Is headed to the DMV to make a revision on his drivers license.

Is above the Yellow line…saying “Suck It!”

Might be able to fit into his college skinsuit.

Can I exhale now?

Oh great, you’re saying, he’s in the 150’s and braggin’ about his slate bathroom floor, what a dick!

Cut off his lower legs and weighed them or has the “Far Side” comic coffee table book.

Photo: Devil Claims Levi on Tourmalet

We were all cheering for him, but team Radio Shack's Levi Leipheimer met the sharp end of the devil's pitchfork on the Tourmalet at the Tour De France today, losing 8:59 to Contador on the stage and falling to 14:24 back and into 13th on GC.  Special thanks to reader Andy P. in France for the original Devil photo from today's stage.  Complete results & story on Velonews.

Fan us and visit us on Facebook to comment for tomorrow's Facebook Friday post. Fill in the blank: "It was so hot on my ride..."


In the meantime, below are a few more of Andy P's snapshots from the Tourmalet.

Our correspondent in France Andy P. in the Polka dot headband.

Facebook Friday! What Was Tom Boonen Thinking at the Tour of California?

Did he leave the Belgian Waffle maker on?  At the Tour of California, I caught Tom Boonen in a David Putty moment.  You remember that episode of Seinfeld.  Elaine and her blockhead boyfriend are on a flight and he’s staring at the seatback in front of him for hours.  Before the Big Bear stage Tomeke was having a man moment at the start in Palmdale, staring off into space.  According to the Amgen TOC twitter feed, he dropped out 45 minutes after this photo was taken.  So what was on the Belgian National Champion’s mind?  We asked you?

It’s Facebook Friday on The Best Bike Blog Ever.  Every week we ask our FB likers and followers a question and post the comments on the blog.  Click here to join the fun next week.

This week’s question: What is Tom Boonen thinking about in this photo?

Geoff

Forget the coke, the medical pot they have here in cali is like so awesome, mmm, mellow.

Mark

"dang those guys on those cool Specialized bikes, I really miss my custom made frame"

Tim

I really hope the Fatburger and Skinnyfries I had last night stay down today.

Scott M

Nu, waar kan ik terecht voor een supermodel en paar lijnen van coke?

Scott B

" damn, Lady Gaga and that exploding bra, you don't see that in Flanders everyday"

Dan

"If I give him the evil eye, maybe Floyd won't rat me out too."

Corey

What color should I paint the living room?

Jerry

Gotta Remember...shift to the easy gear before the hill.

Charley

Friggin roadies, why didn't I take up mountain biking?

Darryn

"If I have enough left after this race I'm totally going to win those pretzels at Ault Park (Cincinnati’s weekly crit series)."

Polly

Why am I in Lycra? I could be a real man out here in the mountains, just me and a navigator's bone ruler, some Fort Knox sunglasses, moccasins and that rugged American woman who once put a black widow on my head after making love, she could kill me with a look...

Bridget

"Should I pee now or can I hold it?

Fun With Me & Floyd Landis

Michael Jackson Rides Away

UFO or Unidentified Flying Calistoga Cyclocross Bike Racer

A teammate emailed this photo of me at the 2nd day of the Cincinnati UCI-3 day Weekend in Mddletown.  At first I thought, cool that's a nice photo of me, at least something good came out of my crappy showing in the Masters race.  Then, like most bike racers do, I wonderered how buff my legs look close up, so I zoomed in the photo and it revealed a Calistoga rider with his bike upside down and his arm halfway into the sand pit.  

I zoomed in again, last photo in series, and still don't know who that is.  

Since Calistoga riders are usually at the front of the pack, I'm guessing this sand wreck happened early in the race, because I later flatted and had a near death experience with overheating late in the race.  Leave a comment and let me know who that is and what the heck happened.

Do You See A Cyclocross Rider In This Picture, Or Am I Crazy?

On vacation in Dorado, Puerto Rico, this picture/painting/print hung over the bed in the hotel room.  Four to five days went by when I realized it looks like there's a cyclocross rider in it, seemingly swinging his/her leg out as if about to dismount.  Do you see it, or have I lost my marbles in the off season?  Take the poll on the right of the page and/or leave a comment.