Ridley The Cyclocross Wonder Dog: The Interview

I’m Facebook Friends with a dog, Ridley The Cyclocross Wonder Dog. As of this posting, Ridley has 36 friends. Give Ridley a break. You try typing with paws. Besides, the page has only been up two weeks. We’re not quite besties yet, but maybe after a few post race treats and a tummy scratch I’ll be in. Click here to learn more about Ridley and send a friend request. If you’re racing CX this season, you might feel a lick on your leg at USGP races, the Bike Authority Races and the Ohio Valley Series. I haven’t met Ridley in person (uh…dog) yet, so I took some time to get to know Ridley a little better through an exclusive Facebook interview.

Here are the basics from Ridley’s Facebook Page:

Relationship Status: It's Complicated

Activities: Chewing used Dugast tires and sniffing new butts.

THE EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW:

TBBBE: Ridley…why not Empella…or maybe Richard Sachs?

RIDLEY: It’s the whole Belgian thing. Ridley’s rule!

TBBBE: So Ridley it is. That’s kind of nondescript, like Pat. So I’m going to come right out and ask, are you a boy or a girl dog?

RIDLEY: I am a boy. A BBIIIGG boy, if you know what I mean.

TBBBE: Facebook friends say you’re a cutie, are you a pure bred golden retriever or a mix? If mix, what breeds?

RIDLEY: A pure bred golden. I was kind of a rescue. My old family was a little overwhelmed with me.

TBBBE: You’re a wonder dog. Do you wear a Uniform? A skinsuit perhaps? Describe it?

RIDLEY: Check me out with my new 'cross threads at the Wendy Park race in Cleveland.

TBBBE: What are your special wonder dog cyclocross powers?

RIDLEY: I am able to leap double barriers in a single bound!

TBBBE: You’re like the St Bernard of cyclocross. I see you carry a cowbell around your neck, how else do you equip yourself for cyclocross races?

RIDLEY: You'll also notice I like to carry around my 'cross horn and a Duval on occasion.

TBBBE: I’ve been chased and nearly bitten by dogs on bike rides. How do you restrain yourself from chasing the riders?

RIDLEY: Anybody riding a bike and reducing their carbon footprint is ok in my book.

TBBBE: Have you ever been squirted in the face by a water bottle or had any other bad human experiences?

RIDLEY: Not yet!

TBBBE: What kinds of dogs don’t do well at cyclocross races?

RIDLEY: Any dog that shows up to a cross race in a purse is going to have a bad day!

TBBBE: Is it okay for riders to pet you for good luck? if so where do you prefer to be petted/scratched?

RIDLEY: Oh yeah, feel free to rub my belly or scratch my head, it's all good.

TBBBE: What kind of treat should I bring you at the race for extra good karma?
RIDLEY: Chocolate Power Bar pieces or Sport Beans

TBBBE: What’s your favorite night before a race meal?

RIDLEY: Eukanuba. Duh!

TBBBE: Oh my goodness, someone's in the garage trying to steal your masters CX bike, what do you do?

RIDLEY: As a trained CX protection dog, this is a BIG mistake! I'll just say that you will not be sitting down for a long time!

TBBBE: Okay a few cyclocross specific questions: How do you test a tire’s air pressure?

RIDLEY: If a tire has more than 35 lbs I'm able to puncture it with my canines! It's an expensive way to test tires!

TBBBE: Double or Single Ring up front…bark once for single, twice for double?

RIDLEY: Woof.

TBBBE: Ketchup or Mayonnaise on your fries?

RIDLEY: Mayo

TBBBE: Which pro riders are you barking for this season?

RIDLEY: My faves for this year are Tim Johnson and Jeremy Powers. And how can anyone not love Katie? Let's not forget the Junior scene. The Red Zone kids and Project Velo dudes (and dudettes) have got some huge engines!

TBBBE: From a wonder dog’s perspective who’s got the best CX scene east coast, west coast or Midwest? Why?

RIDLEY: Let’s see. The west has the best coffee. The east has the Tim Johnson, and the Midwest has ME! The Midwest wins!

TBBBE: Last question: So you’re at a CX race and you’ve over hydrated. The nearest place to take care of business is the pro-pit. How do you decide which bike to pee on?

RIDLEY: I almost had a gig doing the drug sniffing thing but it didn't work out. If you’re a doper prepare for the flood!!

If you’d like to learn more about Ridley The Cyclocross Wonder Dog send a friend request on Ridley’s Facebook page here.

Cat Toys & Bike Rags

On New Years Eve, like every other American, I frantically rip through my closet, garage and crannies to pull out the weird hats, funky party-boy shirts, bedazzled shoes and donate the fashionable lot Goodwill.  Today’s the last day to donate to charity in order to get the deduction on your taxes for this calendar year.  Then, like every other American on New Years Eve, we take our pink receipts home, cheer that we made the deadline at midnight and party till we puke.

I got a head start yesterday.  As the pile of fashion cast off’s overtook my bed, I realized that I had at least eight t-shirts in the pile.  While I had found enough flaws with them to remove them from my ’09 wardrobe, I realized I still had use for them…as bike rags and cat toys.  With my patented Best Bike Rags and Pet Toys Ever technique, I could get eight bike rags out of every shirt and make one giant super-fun cat or dog toy with the scraps.  Here’s how to turn your ugly closet fodder freebee bike race t-shirts into something green like bike rags and pet toys.

Start with the tool of the trade: a Fiskars fabric scissors.  These are like the Campy Record of the scissors world.  Even the most man-handed of us all can nearly cut a straight line in one of these.  Nearly.  Granted you won’t win any bonus points for your technique from Grandma, you’re guaranteed to get relatively uniform sized straight edged bike rags with one of these babies.

Step 1: Starting at the shoulder, cut off both of the collar bone seams and neck in one piece.  (see photo at left for reference)  You’ll need this neck/shoulder part later to make your supa-fun cat/dog toy.

Step 2: Cut off the sleeves.  Then make a cut so each sleeve is no longer an arm-tube, but instead a nice little rag perfect for those hard to reach places on your bike.

Step 3: Cut the shirt horizontally about 3 inches south of the armpits. 

Step 4: On the top half, cut the little piece of 3 inch fabric between the armpit and the horizontal cut.

Step 5: Cut the top and bottom halves vertically.          

Congratulations!  You now have eight bike rags: two small from the arms, 4 medium from the upper torso, 2 large from the tummy.

Make your pet toy now.

For cats, tie all the shoulder-neck parts together in a big long multi colored “cat dancer.”  Drag it on the floor and your cat will follow you around forever.  Whip it up in the air and see kitty do bitchin’ Olympic style aerial moves.  Or, tie it to the banister of the stairs and watch kitty fruitlessly try to grab and run away with it only for the toy to win the tug-of-war every time. 

For dogs, make a tug-of-war toy.  Use the strongest t-shirt neck as the center and then tie the other pieces into big ball knots at either end.  However, like with most dogs, your toy will likely become the eventual looser.  And, like most dog-toys, it’ll be fun while it lasted.

Ghost Dog: a Joe Biker Blog Classic

As we continue to make "Out Of True" The Best Bike Blog Ever, and make the transition from the Joe Biker Blog on AOL which is closing it's Journals, here's an updated version of a classic from the archive dated Thursday, October 10th, 2006.

The Myth: It’s not a ride in Northern Kentucky till a dog chases you

The Truth: It’s not a ride in Northern Kentucky till a dog chases you.

I’m sure no matter where you live you can substitute a different area where you live for Northern Kentucky, even if you live in LA or wherever. In that case, the slogan may go like this: it’s not a ride in Beverly Hills till the paparazzi chase you. Same difference. I’m sure they’re just as vicious.

There’s one dog in Northern Kentucky that is particularly stealthy and wicked fast. We call him Ghost Dog. We know the general area where he lives. The problem is where Ghost Dog lives and what he calls his territory are two entirely different things.

For those of you who live around Cincinnati, Ghost Dog’s territory is along Route 8 (the road that runs along the Ohio River) somewhere between Mentor and Silver Grove, KY. There’s only one dog that chases in that stretch…and that my friend is Ghost Dog.

I have no idea what breed or mix Ghost Dog is. I’m guessing’ he’s a mix of Usain Bolt, the Stealth Bomber and German Sheppard. He’s black with some gray mixed in, has a boxy build, doesn’t show up on radar and I’m sure has a few Olympic Gold medals hanging in his doghouse.

Not only does Ghost Dog have a kick like Lotto’s Robbie McEwen, he also knows how to hide and break out his sprint at just the right moment just like Lotto’s Robbie McEwen.

The stretch of road where Ghost Dog lives is protected by a steep little hill lined with tall scraggly bushes. So, Ghost Dog has the element of surprise on his side. Also, the fact that the other side of the road has no shoulder and a steep deep ditch along the Ohio River leaves the wayward cyclist no escape.

This is how ghost dog appears to a cyclist. You’re tooling along Route 8 at maybe 21mph. The sky is blue. The hills are a lush green. The river is peaceful. You’re likely watching a barge push it’s way up river. (Insert innocent happy whistle here) ALL OF A SUDDEN! There’s a beastly black dog 10 feet from you traveling at 35mph. Within .008 seconds he’s nipping’ at your Sidi’s and putting steak sauce on your sculptured calves. Your heart rates jacks to 102% asyou realize you are now the star of Scary Movie 5. He bounds in front, behind, to the left, to right…now dip baby dip. The hip-hop dance of death. And, you soon find yourself off your bike fending him off by trying to put your bike between your clean shaved legs and his drooling jowls.

Ghost Dog doesn’t want to eat you. He just wants to taste the fear in your sweat.

However, there are positive sides to Ghost Dog.

Number One: you get an accurate reading of your maximum heart rate.

Number Two: if you ever get strong enough to out-sprint Ghost Dog…it’s an automatic upgrade to a Category 2 USCF road-racing license.