Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Euro Guide Map to #CXMasters2012 Worlds

If you’re traveling to the Cyclocross Masters World Championships from Europe you may have packed your bathing suit and open toed sandals after seeing that Louisville falls on the same geographic latitude line as Portugal, Spain and Southern Italy.  Sorry to disappoint.  This is no Mediterranean vacation.  The weather recently is more like the UK.  It’s wet, cloudy and a tish chilly.  Belgians however are rejoicing and wearing sandals.  It’s pretty much as sunless, muddy and miserable as the weather back home.  While you’re visiting, feel free to explore our area.  You’ll find, much like countries that accept the Euro, a rich diversity in people and landscapes and probably discover somewhere that feels like home.  Let’s go to the map.

As you can see, Northwestern Indiana is flat, barren and windswept much like The Netherlands.  There are probably more windmills along I-65 between Indianapolis and Chicago as there are along the North Sea.  While just as hypnotic, they are not as romantic.  If you’re looking for romance however, there is a Lions Den Adult Bookstore off the highway if you long for Amsterdam’s Red Light District.  Smack dab in the middle of the state is Superbowlianapolis, which in a few weeks will be overtaken with drunk and bare chested American Football fans much like those at the Cyclocross Elite World Championships in Koksijde.

Northeast Ohio for all practical purposes is on the Baltic Sea and is as snow choked and frozen as Siberia.  In Cleveland you’ll see people wearing Russian style fur hats.  To keep warm locals burn old LeBron James Cavalier basketball jerseys.  Columbus, a university town is the cultural epicenter of the region.  It’s much like Austria, if you see Cornhole and Beer-Pong on the same level as artwork and classical music from the masters.  Cincinnati, with rolling hills and a rich history of brewing, is essentially Germany with an Ikea store, history being the operative word. 

With the recent wet and cold weather Kentucky is easily divided into two regions: the UK in the North and Redneckia in the South.  Contrary to world beliefs, not everyone in Louisville owns a horse, but like Mercedes in Germany, they know someone who does.  Louisville is currently soggy.  Those from the UK that have a “thing” for Wellies would feel right at home this weekend at the Masters World Championships.  The further south you travel in Kentucky, the larger the hills get and the harder it’ll be to understand what people are saying.  Welcome to Redneckia, the gateway to Countrymusica.  Don’t worry.  Simply heed the “no trespassing” signs.  Other than that, Kentucky is very friendly and known for Southern Hospitality.  However, when the clerk at the petrol station affectionately calls you “Honey,” rest assured she’s just being friendly and isn’t interested in a date.  

1 comment:

J.D. said...

You know, I think you hit the nail on the head here. Good description. And yes, the wife went out to get "Wellies" while I was warming up yesterday.