Monday, November 28, 2011

Cycling Gear Washing Problems Solved!

Grrr...Inside Out Winter Cycling Gloves
It must be some sort of cat fish, the creature inside my washing machine that loves to pull the liner out of my winter cycling gloves.  Obviously, it likes to play but must be able to swim in murky water.  Unlike Poofy, the three-footed sock stealing cloud-like entity in the dryer, the washing machine monster only messes with my winter cycling gloves.  It knows how to undo the Velcro on the wrist and pull the liner out off all ten fingers.  It makes me want to scream or grab a spear gun.

Artist Rendering: The Gloved Washer Fish
Pictured is an artists rendering of the Gloved Washer Fish.  Its sticky facial tentacles can easily grab a heavy glove that sunk to the bottom of the washer.  Then, with its singular hand shaped Ventral fin, it reaches into the glove, guts the liner and eats the bacteria from the inside of glove.  When the washer empties, it slithers up the black hose and waits for its next prey.

The Washer Helping Hand
However, I’ve found a way to foil the Gloved Washer Fish.  I’ve invented The Washer Helping Hand™.  It’s essentially a washable mannequin hand.  Made out of a lightweight but heavy duty water resistant polymer, you insert the Washer Helping Hand™ into the glove and secure it at the wrist with the glove’s Velco.  It’s like washing your gloves with your hands still in them.  The Gloved Washer Fish can't get his freak Ventral fin inside.  The Washer Helping Hand comes in all different sizes and ethnicities.  Brilliant. 

Poofy The 3-Footed Sock Stealing Dryer Monster
But wait!  There’s more!  For only $19.99 plus S&H, we’ll throw in The Dryer Foot™.  It’s the only way to beat Poofy, the three legged sock stealing dryer monster.  Simply slide all your socks on The Dryer Foot, toss the unit in the dryer and be amazed that all of your socks have matches when the dryer buzzes.  If that’s not enough, we’ll also include The Washing Weight™, the only device known to keep the washing machine from getting thrown off balance by washing light lycra jerseys and heavy winter cycling jackets.

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