Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I Believe in Bikejesus and Bikemiracles

Aside from thinking, please don’t let this douche crash into me on group rides; I’m not the most religious cyclist in the world.  However, I have been blessed on occasion.  Exhibit A: I won a pair of Zipps at the post season OVCX series awards.  So there.  Every now and then, with taps on shoulders, chest and forehead, crisis are averted or something wonderful happens to me.  It happened again today.  I believe in Bikejesus. 

What?  You’re a non-believer?  For cripes sake, here’s a picture of him.  Bikejesus is essentially your normal Jesus, except that he rides a bike…in sandals.  I don’t know what people’s aversion to riding bikes in sandals is all about.  Maybe someone’s long lost relative scraped a toe a hundred years ago.  But, if Bikejesus does it, I’m going to follow his lead.  Bikejesus sports the biggest and best groomed cyclocross beard you have ever seen.  I know!  Just look at that thing.  It’s godlike.  You want to touch its lusciousness don’t you?  The last thing to help you identify Bikejesus over false bikeprophets is Bikejesus never gets grease on his flowing white skinsuit.  No rookie tattoos for Bikejesus.  After all, Bikejesus also bestowed Oxi Clean and Lava soap upon the universe.

Just yesterday, in a weekly meeting at work, we discussed how cool it’s been to have summer hours at work.  I thought, dear Bikejesus, please keep it going, don’t let it end after Labor Day.  In late May, Memorial Day perhaps, the boss cut the front and back half hours off our workday, nine to five baby, all summer long.  I’ve been early for group rides.  I’ve eeked in a run in the morning.  Dishes done.  Flowers watered.  I remembered to pack water bottles and Clif bars.  There’s been time to talk to my wife in the morning.  “Honey, can you give my bike a once over before you leave for work?”  “Sure!”  It’s been wonderful.

It was supposed to end next Monday, after Labor Day.  I feared I’d miss the shop ride and be late for CX practice.  Moreover, with daylight waning, I worried I’d have to put lights on my bike.  The horror.  Dear Bikejesus please don’t let it happen!

Today, another Bikejesus prayer was answered, via email.  A bikemiracle!  Don’t let the sandals fool you, Bikejesus is cutting edge.  Behold!  The e-heavenly message:

Dear Joe Biker, my loyal servant:
We wanted you to know that we are extending the Labor Day Holiday weekend a bit. This Friday’s hours will be from 9a to 12noon. Again, please make sure you have checked off with your manager before leaving the building for the weekend.

We have also decided, based on the very strong year we are having, to extend the “summer hours” (9a-5p) through the end of the year.

Please enjoy the long Holiday weekend. Make it safe!


Well, I admit.  Maybe Bikejesus didn’t really email me directly.  Maybe the email came from the kind soul in the corner office or the kind soul in the corporate office, but I know who my real boss is.  Allez Bikejesus!  Allez!

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