Bicyclist or Cyclist: Who Shot Motorist?

“Police: Bicyclist fires shot in fit of road rage.” The headline from WISH-TV in Whitestown, Indiana sort of stuck out on my facebook news feed, not because it was alarming, but because I was offended at the use of bicyclist and cyclist and the complete omission of the term “a bike rider.”  While on any given day, I can be any one of the three, I am pretty certain it was not a bicyclist or cyclist that put the cap in the motorist, but likely someone riding a bike.  Oh there’s a difference.

Cyclists

The first clues are the .45 caliber bullets found at the scene.  A quick search of the internet reveals a .45 caliber hand cannon weighs between 27 and 37 ounces.  That’s a two pound gun, without bullets.  Clearly a cyclist would not carry a .45 caliber gun or anything weighing more than their bike frame.  A .45 caliber bullet alone weighs roughly 200 grams, as much as a Ritchey WCS stem.  There’s no way.  Cyclists don’t carry anything outside that which is absolutely necessary.  Instead of a wallet, cyclists opt for a zip lock bag with a cell phone, ID and the worst smelling sweat drenched $5 bill you’ll ever turn your nose up at.  If a weapon were necessary on a ride, say to drop the dead weight from a breakaway, it’d likely be a shiv carved from carbon fiber. 

Bicyclists

Clue #2 is the fanny pack, leading me to the bicyclist.  Bicyclists are known for over packing.  Judging from the three tail lights and seat bag big enough for a hoagie sandwich and a floor pump, a fanny pack with a .45 isn’t too much of a stretch.  However, the bicyclist is no honey badger.  The bright orange vest, helmet mirror and dual headlights blinking in the middle of the day are enough to tell any motorists to give them a wide berth.  Add a black tie and the good book, and I’m certain the bicyclist is not your man. 

A Bike Rider

The .45 caliber gun in the fanny pack clearly points to A Bike Rider.  Don’t be fooled by the photo of Beyonce.  While she falls into the category of bike rider, this category covers everyone from the person noodling down the bike path and cruising to yoga to those who lost their driving license to a DUI and the drug dealer.  The only thing that makes a bike rider a bike rider is the bike.  A bike rider is going about their normal everyday business on a bicycle.  Now if that business happens to involve a loaded three pound concealed .45 caliber pistol, I think you know who you’re looking for.

CX Obstacle Theory: Tipping With A Winning Lotto Ticket

The drum line banged out a University of Wisconsin caliber halftime show around the sandpit at OVCX #10 at Cincinnati’s Gun Club course.  At the start of the Elite race, it was nuts to butts as spectators lined the route along the barriers.  The cowbells hurt my ears.  Like waiting for the inevitable NASCAR 3 laps to go red flag restart wreck, quite a crowd gathered around the creek crossing to heckle and snicker at those that dabbed.  As a racer who’s been around the cross block, those weren’t the hard parts of the course.  Those weren’t the parts of the course that a racer really needed to think about when scouting the course in warm-up.  Get ready, cuz I’m about to slip a roofie in your water bottle and blow your CX mind.

A few years ago, my mind was blown.  I remember pre-riding the course behind teammate and Ohio Valley fast guy Phil Noble.  Phil has this great ability to find those little snippets of the course where you could gain an extra pedal stroke on hard ground.  At Gun Club, the little patch of pavement coming out of the U-Turn by the grill was a great example.   You’re saying, “I know exactly what you’re talking about Joe Biker!  You could totally get 2 big pedals strokes in there to bomb the gravel decent.”  Yes!  Yes!  No.  No.  You don’t get it.  Ya see, what I learned that day from Phil, while as big of a revelation as mayonnaise on French fries, was just a small tip to the valet.  It was a glimpse of something bigger.  I’m about to lay a “Get Him To The Greek” furry-wall mind blowing on ya.  I’m leaving the winning lotto ticket for the waitress.

What've you been doing since like freaking August?  Intervals!  Yes.  We’ve all been doing intervals since late August, because uh…well…that’s what idiots like us do to train for cyclocross.  You gotta do intervals.  Hill repeats.  Lactate threshold.  85%!  It’s all about the intervals, being the Duke of Devou Park, Master of Mt. Adams.  8 minute intervals.  3 minute intervals.  30 on, 30 off x4, 3 sets. 

The thing is, no one is doing sandpit repeats.  No one’s doing LT intervals through a creek crossing.  You’re certainly not doing 10 second intervals through the barriers.  The sandpit, barriers, run ups and creek crossings are just there to confuse you.  Shut up legs?  No.  Shut up brain.  If you’re easing up on the straightaways and catching your breath through soft corners, you’re doing cyclocross backwards.

Think about where doing two and three minute donkey wheezing snot driveling lactate threshold intervals would’ve paid off at Gun Club.  Through the start and finish area straightaways?  Yes.  After the little single barrier run-up and into the soft cornered out and back section of the course?  Yes.  Headed up to the bridge?  Yes.  After the big “run-up?”  Ding!  Ding!  Ding!  There’s your 2 minute intervals.  There’s your 30 on and 30 off.  Those are precisely the sections of the course where you should be burning your matches.

(GUN CLUB WARM-UP COURTESY PETER HILLS)

Next time when you scout a course, look at it in relation to your training, your intervals, where you’re going to go all out, where you can recover.  What I learned from Phil wasn’t about where I could gain two pedal strokes.  It was about gaining the first two pedal strokes going into the real hard parts of the course, where I could open it up full gas.  Danish Nat'l Champ Joachim Parbo once said to a group at the Devou Park CX Clinic, it’s not about who gets through the barriers first.  It’s about who gets up to 25mph after the barriers first. 

At Gun Club, there wasn’t much ground to be gained between the sand pit and the single barrier run-up.  There weren’t gaps to be goosed on the hillside switchback, the creek crossing or the twists and turns that returned riders to the pit area.  The obstacles of a cx course are where having a lower heart rate and a clear head can prevail.  Obstacles mean recovery.  Getting on the gas sooner out of obstacles and holding onto that speed into the next recovery section is where gaps are created and wheels held.  Now go download some Dead on I-Tunes and get on the trainer.

Coincidence? OVCX Gun Club CX Course Looks Like Gun

I'm no expert on firearms, but this weekend's OVCX Gun Club Course looks remarkably close to a gun, or at least an 80 ounce Super Soaker.  Coincidence Mr. Gatch?  We think not!  Whether that's a 9mm or a sniper's rifle is better left in the hands of the experts.  Cool thing is that there really is a real shotgun start this Sunday in Cincinnati and if your name has something to do with guns, you can get free entry like Gunnar Shogren did last year.  For details & registration click here.


We pre-rode the course last night.  For those that thought the sand was easy on Wednesday, rumor is the rotor tiller will be brought out to mix it up pro-volleyball deep prior to Sunday.  It's fairly similar to last year's, 'cept for a shorter slog across the trap shooting hill side and the addition of a wicked tripple chokepoint combining a tight entry to a wooden bridge, a "you choose it" double line through a creek, followed by a just barely rideable run up.


Last night I saw riders clean both lines through the creek and even the run-up.  Problem is, I didn't see anyone do it in traffic.  No doubt, where and when you decide to run and which line to take through the creek will prove pivotal in the race.  Riders seemed to think, the first few lucky souls through on lap one may be able to clean it to the clangs of cowbells.  Those caught in traffic will have a tough decision between trying to ride with the chance of getting shelled by someone bobbling in front of you or running it all from as early as the exit of the bridge.


Bang!

Coo Coo For Cyclocross

About 30 seconds into this video of the OVCX Masters 1/2/3 Cyclocross Race at the Gunclub in Cincinnati, Blaine from Louisville eats crap, my teammate Mark becomes the meat in the sandwich, Morgan from Barbasol takes a swan dive trying to avoid the mayhem becoming the 2nd piece of bread, and I do a tippy toes ballet dance near the caution tape, gracefully avoiding stepping on my teammate with the one inch spikes screwed in the toes of my shoes. Note to self: not good to play follow the leader going 25mph into a sandpit.

Mark, my teammate got his bell rung pretty good. He's okay, which means it's okay to laugh now. You'll see the Louisville rider get up, dust himself off, check his bike and start running while Mark is standing in the middle of the sand making it look like he's checking his bike but really seeing pretty chirping Disney birdies fly in circles around his helmet.

Later in the video Morgan Webb puts on a barrier bunnyhopping clinic.