Happy Farmer Tan Day

The first week in June is when my farmer tan reaches its prime, when the contrast between my wedding dress white shoulders and Starbucks light roast brown arms causes non-cyclists to point and laugh. The Best Bike Blog Ever today hereby rolls up its short-pants to reveal the border between Pasteville and Tantown and proudly proclaims June 9^th Farmer Tan Day. Today’s the day to stop cowering in a fetal position on the sofa afraid to go out in public, and show off your well earned stripes.

In my early cycling days, I used to be embarrassed about the farmer tan, going so far as to wear a surfer shirt at the pool on vacations. Nowadays, maybe because my youthful quest to look buff has been overshadowed by a middle aged mission to race bicycles, not so much. Instead I revel in the achievement of cycling enough hours to make my arm freckles look like potting soil scattered across Moab slick rock.

However before you go around shocking your coworkers, please note that today is Farmer Tan Day and not freak hand tan day. Unless you’ve somehow been able to cover you entire body in cool polka dots to match the ones the glove hole made on your hands, it’s nearly impossible to rock a freak hand tan. Please, put your hands in your pockets or draw a smiley face on your tan hand freak dot till you can go for a ride sans gloves. The Best Bike Blog Ever has no appreciation for that horrific malady. Mercy will only be bestowed upon those who braved a log hot ride on a sun filled sweat soaked muggy day or a ride where gloves were an absolute necessity.

That said; rejoice in your spectacular stripes that no amount of SPF can strip. Grab yourself a Farmer Tan Red Ale and celebrate the sight of your righteous rice-white skin shorts. You earned it. Happy Farmer Tan Day. Now put on a freaking’ shirt for Pete’s sake! Farmer Tan Day is a holiday best celebrated alone.

Facebook Friday: How Do You Prevent Yourself From Smashing The Bikes On Your Car Roofrack Into Your Garage Door

Yakima used to make a device called a “Load Alert.”  It’s an ingenious little device that sticks to your car's hood with a magnet.  It’s a spring loaded sign, that only pops up when your car goes under about 25mph.  Over 25, the presure from the wind holds it flat to the hood.  I have one.  It work great as long as you're not so hungry you pull into McDonalds drive-thru at 30mph.  Unfortantely we have two cars with bike racks. 

Another solution I read was to put your garbage cans in the front of the garage spot when you pull out.  That way you have to stop and move them before you pull in.  Brilliant.  And, if it still fails, you can just toss your rack and bike in the convenietly located garbage cans.

My wife nearly decapitated her Indy Fab this past week.  I saw it all unfold.  From the thrid floor, I heard the garage door open.  Being a good hubby, I started down the stairs to help her out.  As I got to the 2^nd floor, her car was already in the driveway and still rolling forward.  STOP.  STOP!!  I shouted out the open window.  Her windows rolled up and her on the phone, she couldn’t hear.  I broke into a full sprint, leaping down the last flight of stairs shouting, “STAAAAAHHHHHP!!!!”  Then, the crunch.  I opened the front door, expecting total carbon carnage.  Luckily the bike was just short enough and the garage overhang wood just soft enough that the bike barely wedged in.  

The only damage was to the wood of the garage overhang (see above photo of scatches) and the hinge pin of her heart rate monitor strapped to her handlebars.  Fhew.  Bike OK.  (photo left) Nothing ten bucks, a little garage paint and a trip to the watch repair shop wont fix.

Since I didn’t have a whole lot of time to write and research solutions, I posed the question to my Facebook friends.  How Do You Prevent Yourself From Smashing The Bikes On Your Car Roofrack Into Your Garage Door?  Here’s a few comments:

SUSAN 

Some kind of alarm system that smacks you in the face when 5 feet away or something. Had the same error about a week ago with a low-hanging ATM. Bike OK but bike rack pretty (messed) up.  The bike torqued the whole thing.  I was hurrying to do errands and get to a ride.

JADEN

Giant mirror above the garage door like they probably have on the ceilings at the Wild Wood Inn in Florence Y'all! 

SHANNON

Hang a sign from the inside of your garage door. When you press the door opener and the door opens, the sign will be hanging down, reminding you to check the car roof for bikes.

MITCH

Store all of your junk in the garage so you can't pull your car in.