Dear Joe Biker,
Your ass is colossal.
Is it a sign that I actually “got some back?” That’s a photo of the underside of my Fizik Arione wing flex Ti railed saddle. It’s cracked, humorously perpendicular to where my crack would be. I didn’t crash, nor did Jackie Chan karate chop it. Even though I haven’t been a fan of the Arione, I did not beat it with a baseball bat so I could rationalize another new bike part to my wife. I was “just riding along” and broke it with my own enormous arse.
However, if there were a warranty left on this 3 to 4 year old saddle, I’m pretty sure it would not cover slamming my massive booty into it while bunny-hopping a double set of railroad tracks at probably 30mph. It was a nasty set of tracks at the bottom of the hill somewhere northeast of Cincinnati, out in the rollers between Loveland and I’m guessing Goshen. You know the type of tracks, ones where the asphalt is all topsy-turvy, the wood is rotten between the tracks and the uneven surface jiggles your arms like a handshake with a WWE wrassler no matter which line you pick to ride across. So, I opted for flying. I figure, the name Arione must have something to do with being airborne. In fact, Fizik does brand the saddle as having “wing flex” technology. For the record, I cleared ‘em…on a carbon Jamis Xenith road bike. Upon reflection, I’m glad I left the beefy winter Thompson seat post in, or I might still be picking shards of carbon out of my taint and hamstrings.
I kind of heard a whump when my immense caboose made contact, but the saddle held up. Remarkably, I got three more rides in before the crack I inflicted finally worked its way completely through the shell. Note to self: “wing flex” and “Arione” have nothing to do with flying. Road bikes are meant to stay in contact with the road. While I thought about keeping it as a trophy of my particularly spectacular bunny-hop, I tossed it ceremoniously in the shop trash bin. I replaced it with a swanky new orange Fizik Aliante that’s all matchy-matchy. Butt bling.
Blogger note: this is the 100th post of The Best Bike Blog Ever*. Thanks for reading.