It’s NOT Dirty: Lapped While Lapping Another

The King of Justifying the Mediocre...Courtesy Karen WH

Like old latex sealant fermented and stewing in a year old tubular, getting lapped stinks.  There is, however, a shiny new bike bright side.  Ding!  For those sha-lacka-lacka-lacking their non-elite races and wondering about how’d they’d possibly be able to stomach struggling to stay on the lead lap in the next higher category, read on.  I am the king of justifying the mediocre!  Let me show you how to rationalize and make the most of the -1 next to your name.  

The Zero Principal:

For example, getting lapped by the leader but simultaneously lapping someone else cancels each other out.  -1 + 1 = zero.  Shazam!  You’re even, mathematically, on the lead lap (of your competition).  Think of it like being graded on a bell curve, drop the first and last rider and you passed!  Getting lapped while lapping someone else also sounds sort of dirty.

This year’s OVCX Elite field is way harder than it’s ever been.  As the PR guy for OVCX, I partly blame myself for this.  My freelance job for OVCX is to entice more people to dip their knobbies in the goodness of cross.  Consequently, my writing and riding talents counter each other.  The harder I race, the better I do.  The better I write, the worse I do. 

St. Mary’s Child Care Cross (OVCX #2) was a great example.  Looking at the results, friggin’ Chris Uberti raced cross yesterday.  Friggin’ Chris Uberti finished 19^th.  Pretty sure Friggin’ Chris Uberti is getting free pants because word on the street is he signed with Team Mountain Khakis last week.  Friggin’ Chris Uberti reads this blog.  Friggin’ coincidence?  I THINK NOT! 

What have I done and where are MY free pants? 

I finished 45th yesterday, sadly my “grey beard” racing age.  I also was lapped by the leader Josh Johnson.  Yet somehow I was able to text my wife after the race with the good news: 

“45^th out of like 70ish not too shabby, better than last week’s 53rd…only 1 guy (neo-pro) lapped me.  LOL.  Rode well.  Felt Good.  So good day in all.  Be home 8pish.  XOXO.”

The bright side of my race is that I finished 7 places higher than last week and I actually lapped someone else.  Sadly it was my own teammate, but whatever.  I’ll take it Brian.  You’re the ying to my yang. 

Aside from The Zero Principal there are other ways to rationalize getting lapped.

Mechanicals Count.  Courtesy Karen WH

The DNS Natty Natty Boo Boo Bonus:

Beating those that did not start (DNS) is a bonus.  According to USA Cycling I finished 45^th out of 60 starters.  In my book, counting the ten or so no shows it was more like 45^th out of 70.  I’m counting them because I had the nards to lie to my wife and say I'd be home at 8pm when it was more like 9pm, suck up my case of the cough & sniffles, ignore my laundry, postpone my obligations and got my butt to the startline.  If someone is a no-show, you automatically beat them.  Sadly, one of my teammates didn’t show.  There was some confusion as to our carpool plans and BioWheels Steven Gers ended up staying home.  While I missed his wry wit on the drive to Indy, in my head I was one rider ahead before I even left Cincinnati.  Ba bam!

The Joey’s Okay DNFinition:

Anyone who drops out of a race (DNF) due to a mechanical, illness or injury still counts as being behind you.  Cringe.  Offer a sympathetic “you okay dude,” then carve another notch in your carbon bars.  Joey’s okay…and you beat him.  You didn’t case the barriers, you didn’t take a stake to the knuckles, your bike was set up and working beautifully.  You’re soo awesome. 

A Touch of Grey Beards courtesy Karen WH

The Grey Beard Rule:

Sure you got lapped, but if the dudes that lapped you were in a different category, it doesn’t really count.  For example, if you’re racing Masters in a combined field with Elite racers, you’re not lapped until a Grey Beard passes you.  Technically I got lapped the first week of OVCX when Masters leader Fred Rose passed me.  Yesterday with only Neo-Pro Josh Johnson getting past me, I did not.  Same goes for categories.  If you’re a cat 3 and get lapped by Cat 1 and 2 riders, you’re still golden in my book. 

The Look Like A Leader Rule:

So you got lapped fair and square, say the top 7 guys in the field gave you the “leader back” shout.  Remember to the unsuspecting spectator, you look like you finished 8^th.  Look the part.  Zip up your jersey, put your hands in the drops and roar across the finish line and own it with confidence champ!  Next week you may only get lapped by one guy and look like you finished 2^nd!  

Pulled @ USGP? What The Hell Were You Thinking?

Hey Sour Puss.  Hup Hup and cheer up.  The first faces I saw at the USGP on Saturday were sour pusses.  Like a pre-school art project gone wrong, their dejected faces decorated with the course’s dry dirt glitter affixed by a grotesque snotty sweat-glue told the story.  They didn’t even care to wipe off the Dirt Goatee©.  When I arrived in time to warm up for the Elite masters race, a lot of strong Cat 3 riders, riders who normally would be driving the front end of their regional series races, stood disgruntled on the outside of the tape as they watched the front end of the 2/3 race finish.  Getting pulled sucks monkey butt.  You could hear their thoughts.  “I should be up there.”  "The course was too short."  Riders felt cheated, and rightfully so…but only to an extent.

1. MrKatieCompton 
     
    I will say, day 2 at USGPLouisville was a step in the right direction but still some work to do.Twitter

As Jay Leno would put it to Hugh Grant, “What the hell were you thinking?”  45 riders entered a Cat 2/3 CX race with over 100 riders from all over the nation already signed up.  No offense to their prowess on the bike, but I think it’d be a tall order for even Jeremy Powers to plow his way from the back to the front of a 145 deep field of 2/3 riders in 45 minutes while avoiding every calamity, even if the lap was 8 minutes long.  By some of the bitching and moaning I heard from Cat 3’s around the course you’d think common sense were a banned substance.  You got whomped by starting in the back of essentially a Cat 2 race.  Maybe what’s really stinging ya is realizing that the whoopin’ was administered by 15 year old Jordan Cullen, pictured below.  The Cat 2/3's at the USGP aren’t a 30 year old’s playground anymore.

Still, a rider doesn’t see himself as a bib number and a birthday.  They see themselves as a Cat 3 who trained hard, paid $35, traveled, maybe even booked a hotel and didn’t really get to race.  Yeah.  Yeah!  You tell ‘em Joe Biker.  You say if the promoter accepts 145 riders, 145 riders should have a shot.  Yeah!!  Well this is a big field in cyclocross and not the 26.2 mile course of the Flying Pig marathon.  Riders get pulled when about to be lapped.  It sucks.  It’s cold.  Its cross.  Having a longer course at USGP may have saved a few souls, but I’d say even with an 8 minute lap, close to half the field was doomed from the start based on math alone. 

The last 50 riders signed up in the 2/3 field spilled cooking oil on the counter, left the coffee maker on and hoped the house wouldn’t burn down, short course or not.  That’s not the promoters fault.  There was a better option.  Coulda.  Woulda.  Shoulda.  A racer coulda passed 65 riders with a click of a button by entering the 80 deep pro race.  The Elite Masters 35+ had a solid 70 riders, 45+ had a manageable 59. 

Yeah the course was short.  However, even with an 8-9 minute lap, I have never been at a big cyclocross race where 140 riders, even 100 riders, even 75 riders finished on the lead lap.  Think of it like a beer bong.  The first 1-2 beers will make it down easy.  Unless you’re a fraternity brother nicknamed Bruno, the 3^rd PBR tall boy is going all over your shirt.  Secondly, I’ve started in the back in big races.  Even at the top of my CX game, avoiding every wreck and hitting every perfect line, I’ve never been able to pass 35 or so riders at the most.  For anyone who signed up when the USGP 2/3 field grew past 100, the odds were in the casino’s favor. 

CX is growing faster than the mold on the water bottle in the back of my truck.  A few years ago combining the 2’s and 3’s at USGP and other large races made sense and didn’t make a gargantuan field.  Promoters could attract the regional Cat 2’s that would rather not fork out another $60 for a UCI license they’d use once.  For the first time in their CX lives, if they entered early, they could be on the driving end of race rather than getting beat by Cat 1’s and pros.  Strong Cat 3’s would have their hands full, but still have fun.  With the short course at USGP and a field close to the population of metro Louisville, the fun got pulled right with the riders.  So I guess there are three options: enter a race where the mathematic probability of finishing on the lead lap is the highest, design a hideously long cyclocross course that can keep a larger portion of a field 145 riders on the lead lap or, simply split the 145 strong 2/3 field.  I like the latter.  It’s a good thing too.  Cyclocross in the US, in the Midwest, in Cincinnati and Louisville, is big enough for each category to have its own field.  That’s incredible.