Cyclo Confessions Of A Bar Tape Addict

Finding the perfect bar tape for your bike is like finding the pefect set of shoes, necktie or handbag to go with an outfit. Last week, I put some new stripped bar tape on my cyclocross bike. I hated it. Two days later I ripped it off and sprung for something else. It felt wasteful. At the same time I knew I couldn't go a week, let alone the whole season, with that hideous tape. Then I found out about another cyclist who has changed bar tape no less than seven times in the last eight months, a bonafide bar tape addict.

In order to keep this cyclists identity a secret we have put them in the Witness Protection Plan. We hired an expert at the medical textbook center to block out the eyes and other personal features in the photo and we will refer to this cyclist only as Bar Tape Addict. The Best Bike Blog Ever* now presents the exclusive interview as it unrolled on Facebook earlier today.

TBBBE Thanks for coming out of your bar tape closet and sharing your unique addiction with the cycling world.

BTA It is an embarrassing monkey on my back and I am often ridiculed for my beliefs but if a contribution to your blog can be educational for others, I am happy to help.

TBBBE How many rolls of bar tape have you put on your bikes in the past year?

BTA 7 (since Dec' 08)

TBBBE What has been the least amount of rides between tape changes

BTA 1 week

TBBBE How much money have you spent on bar tape in the past year?

BTA $200

TBBBE (cough) JESUS! Excuse me. Is bar tape the cycling version of shoes or purses for you?

BTA Yeah, actually. I guess it's sort of like that.

TBBBE Would you call it an addiction?

BTA This is an addiction. And, I have not found a treatment center that can help conquer it.

TBBBE If someone were shopping for bar tape what would you suggest? White, black or a color matching the frame?

BTA It depends on your mood or the season. (my bike) had red/white stripped for the winter holiday season, then bright green to match my kit, then pink for Spring, then there was pink Camo for the State Championship Race, and lately it's been white to feel fast.....you get my point.

TBBBE Makes sense to me. Which was the biggest mistake?

BTA The bright green because it was paper thin.

TBBBE What texture/finish do you like the best? Rubbery, shiney or that soft Fizik fine velvet?

BTA I know I will risk sounding "lude" but, I like thick and grippy. I dont wear gloves while riding on the road so I need some padding. I like grippy tape for my cross bike.

TBBBE Being an aficianado of bar tape, you must have a favorite brand.

BTA Bontrager

TBBBE Why do you change your bar tape so often?

BTA I change my tape based on my mood or for an upcoming race.

TBBBE Do you find yourself mentally criticizing other peoples bar tape?

BTA YES!! LOL

TBBBE As a bar tape fashion expert, do you have pet peeves about other's bar tape?

BTA Dirty, worn out tape. Like your shoe reference....you can tell a lot about someone by their shoes!

This Article Contains Caffeine

Shoes, helmet, coffee. That’s my new pre-race checklist. That’s all I really need to race my bike. I would’ve listed a bike, but if you forget your bike you’re a doof. I prefer to think that I’m one step higher than doofs on the evolution ladder, which after Sunday, may not be the case. Since this is a pre-RACE checklist, I’ve added the helmet. Previously, my pre-RIDE checklist only consisted of one thing…shoes (for more on that initial list read Flip Flops are Not Shoes.) So, I’ve added coffee, since I discovered State Championship Sunday that without coffee I’m about as functional as a hundred-year-old in a convalescent home.

Against the advice of my wife who knows I can work myself into a nervous gagging twit before a race, I did think about this race all week long. I made sure I got my hard workouts in and gave myself time to recoup in between. I checked out the pre-reg list just after the deadline passed. I cleaned and lubed both bikes. The day before I got in an easy spin, packed my bag, made up a cooler bag with water bottles, GU’s and snacks. My tool box, bikes, work stand, pit kit and foldable chairs waited alongside my truck in the garage. I ate a good breakfast and was buttoned up top to bottom. However, I wasn’t nervous at all. Like an assembly line worker, I had a job to do. Unfortunately, I neglected to screw on one little nut that held the whole thing together: caffeine.

In the last three races only one guy from Ohio had finished in front of me, and just by maybe ten seconds. Aside from him, the always fast Garth Prosser who was listed on the pre-reg list, and the fact that the Kentucky guys would still win the race, I thought I had a reasonable shot at winning the Ohio State Cyclocross Masters Championships (being the first Masters 35+ rider who lives in Ohio to cross the finish line.) Yeah, I’m such a dork that I googled the riders on the pre-reg list to see who was from Ohio, Pennsylvania, Indiana and Kentucky. Shut up. You do it too. At least I admit it. I only had to worry about masters aged Ohioans. I just had to hope that I was ten seconds faster than the Lake Effect guy who beat me in Yellow Springs and that maybe Garth would either get his dreadlocks caught in his derailleur or forget to drink coffee in the morning, come down with a debilitating headache which would be compounded by the bumpy frozen course, a case of the wishy- washies and be forced to withdraw from the race prior to the start and drive home a quivering wreck. Or, actually ride faster than him. I was hoping for the former.

Garth’s hair did not get caught in his derailleur. I forgot to drink coffee in the morning. Yada, yada, yada…with my entry refunded ten minutes before the start of the race, my teammates stood with a look of “where the f*** are you going" on their faces as I drove away body shivering, bones aching, head throbbing and swimming in dizzyness. It was so nasty I didn’t even give my buddies the courtesy stop to let them know what was going on. I just wanted to crawl under a warm blanket and sleep the day away with our warm and fuzzy kitties.

A few blocks from the Columbus venue, I pulled into Walgreens and snatched up a bottle of generic Advil and a rather colossal bottle of Diet Mountain Dew. When I swung into the driveway, two hours later in Cincinnati, the head and other aches were gone. For the most part the wishy-washyness had subsided and I thought about riding my bike for the first time since warming up for the race, before the headache set in. Then I got a case of the “you sucks” and “you blew its.” So, in an effort to cure my bruised ego, I set out on a road ride to find my wife who was out riding with friends.

I’ve got great friends. After stewing by myself for 45 minutes, I found ‘em riding along the river on Kentucky’s Route 8. Aside from the initial ribbing, they gave me what I came looking for: sympathy and reassurances that in-fact I don’t suck. Then, I added coffee and/or caffiene to my pre-race checklist.