|I Propose A New Size|
With four plaid collared button down dress shirts, a baby blue merino wool sweater and a long-john-esque “waffled” long sleeve tee, Joe or Nick or Kevin or one of the Jonas Brothers working at Banana Republic showed me to my stall. As far as the button downs, I’m upset to report I’m a size Smedium. From the last time I bought nice shirts and today, I’ve probably lost 12-15 pounds. Staring in the mirror with the medium, I could gather 5-6 inches of fabric around my middle. Dammit, it took me months of intervals and hummus to earn this waist. I want to show it off. So with the hesitation of a former large, I slipped on the small.
|Hmm...not too poochy in the small.|
As for the jeans, I walked into the store saggin’ no ass pre-vegan 33 squares, 33W x 33L. Going sub-33 was new territory for me, so I sent Jonas ahead, armed with 32’s, 31’s and even a pair of 30’s. The 32’s were clown pants. I hooked the waist with my thumbs. I could probably shove 3 summer sausages down the front of them. The butt looked like denim drapery. So I got extreme. Wiggling and shimmying, I had to get gymnastical to get the 30’s on. Beyond surprised, they buttoned right up and fell flat on the hips. However, the thighs were so tight they could double as muscle recovery wear. It’s the cyclists curse.
|Those Quads Need A Belt|