Friday, April 29, 2011

The Sink Shower: As Seen On The Best Bike Blog Ever

I’ve performed the ritual of the Sink Shower™ at nasty trailhead restrooms as well as nice restaurant bathrooms.  If you’re familiar with Allyn’s café on Cincinnati’s east side, I took a Sink Shower™ there once and then sat down for some killer Jambalaya.

A sink shower is the perfect way to quickly make you publicly presentable after a hard bike ride by essentially bathing at the sink of a public restroom.  Note I said, “at” the sink, not “in” the sink.  There is a difference that I do not need to explain.  There are certain buckets you don't put your berries in.

I am inventing The Sink Shower™ Kit right now.  So, if you’re a cycling company or a toiletry company, back up the Brinks truck in my driveway and we’ll talk when I get home. 

There is an art involved (that’s where the nifty Sink Shower™ Kit comes into play) and best of all you don’t need to get completely naked in public. 

The Basic Sink Shower Kit™ comes with the following items in an easy to carry plastic case that’ll fit nicely in your cycling backpack with (to take a term from my 7th grade gym teacher) street clothes.  Currently I use one of those trendy plastic Clinique bags that you get for free when you visit the women in white lab coats at Macy’s to buy some manly face lotion and shave metrosexual.

1)                 Small bar of soap
2)                 Two small wash cloths
3)                 Small can of body spray deodorant
4)                 Swimmer’s Chamois
5)                 Plastic grocery bag

The Anywhere Sink Shower Kit™ adds these items:

1)                 Baby Wipes (where there’s not running water)
2)                 Baseball Hat (if you’re really in a hurry)
3)                 Larger Sized Tower (for hiding your junk in public)

Sink Shower Nirvana at Chevron Gas Station
Before you go baring it all in a public restroom, realize there are a few types of public bathes: the single and the community.  Both come locked and unlocked, stalled and unstalled.  It’s best to find a locked single with hand soap and paper towels.  

Taking a Sink Shower™ in a single locked public restroom is easy.  It’s all you baby, nirvana.  Take your time and enjoy yourself, figuratively.  However, taking a Sink Shower™ in an unlocked community restroom takes some tact.  It’s Murphy’s Law, or something like it, that someone is bound to come in at the worst possible moment.  That’s why you should learn the Sink Shower Technique™.

The Sink Shower Technique™

Step 1)           Cover the floor.  Put your Sink Shower Kit™ on the counter or sink and pull out one of your small wash clothes or some paper towel and make an area to stand on the icky floor.  1 minute.

Step 2:            Prepare your soap, 2nd washcloth and swimmer’s chamois so you can use them quickly.  Open the bag with your street clothes, and pull out what you’re going to wear, leaving the bag ready for your smellies.  2 minutes.

Step 3)           Quickly disrobe and wash your top half.  Women can use the larger sized towel in the Anywhere Sink Shower Kit™ to cover upand still get the washcloth where it needs to go.  No running water, no problem.  Break out the baby wipes.  Notice how the floor covering sops up the water that’s bound to drip off you.  Use the Swimmer’s Chamois to quickly dry off.  Apply spray deodorant.  Dress your top half.  2 minutes.

Step 4)           Do the same for your bottom half.  Tie the big towel around your waist to hide your junk as you wash.  2 minutes.

Step 5)           Stuff your stinkies and used Sink Shower Kit™ stuff in the plastic bag.  If your hair isn’t up to snuff, don the baseball hat.  Pack up.  2 minutes.  Extra if you need to put on make up.

1 comment:

dean schmiedel said...

Mr. Keller...gym teacher...Menomonee Falls Wi.

Lock your locks and turn your dials...wash you're socks, jocks, and undies...your friends won't tell you but I will---YOU STINK---hit the showers...

ahhhh memories